Suicide Paranoia – 13: Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments
(Part 2) DAY 399
I forgive myself that I
haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how Suicide
Paranoia – from the emotions, to the memories, to the scenes, people and
relationships that I blame
for why I am in and as the mental state/condition/experience of/as suicidal
thoughts/imaginations/tendencies; how Suicide Paranoia creates like a Vortex in
my Mind, starting from the tip with an energy and cycling and circling up into
the centre-point of my Mind, where all that I see and experience are all the
memories/remembrances constantly and continuously circling and cycling over and
over and over again, with my awareness stuck and lost in the centre of it all,
creating my own ‘black hole’ into and as which I suck myself in realms of my
own Mind/Consciousness.
Losing more and more touch with reality, what’s real, the breath, my body and
in so doing: do not see, realise and understand how Change can manifest in a
Moment, where I make a Decision to investigate/introspect my
awareness-relationship to what Created this Possessive Vortex of/as Suicide
Paranoia in my Mind, where I can stand in stability in the Centre of that
Vortex, equipped with the tools of Writing, Forgiveness and Commitments and in
and as that stability, re-align my relationship to the things that Haunt my
Mind until the Vortex Settle and I have Cleared my Mind and can again See the
potential of life that is ME in who I am in every Moment of Breath.
I commit myself to assist and support me, to see, realise
and understand that such a Vortex sucking me into a black hole, a dark abyss –
is me creating it myself in my own Mind, that can be cross-referenced with
having a look at how much and the extent to which I continue participating in
the memories, the thoughts, the self talk, the imaginations
– over and over and over again entertaining it in the Mind, growing that vortex
and sucking myself deeper into and as the black hole/dark abyss, farther and
farther away from Reality, making that which I entertain in the Mind stronger
and more powerful than my own will/strength.
And so, I commit myself to through writing, forgiveness and
commitments – assist and support
myself to strengthen my will, my self – substantiate my Awareness into and
as a Stand, where I see, realise and understand that with a decision and an
action of writing and forgiveness, actually walking it, point by point,
starting with what in my Mind, such as memories/remembrances/people/relationships
I blame/react to that has been haunting my Mind – facing my own Demons: that
within and as and during this Process, I slowly but surely start focusing the
attention on me, my stand, my strength and my ability to change and so slowly
but surely, start ‘taking my power back’ that I have abdicated to the Mind,
through and as accepting and allowing myself to ‘make what comes up in the Mind
MORE than me’, instead of seeing, realising and understanding that I have the
ability to change me in relation to what I accept/allow to manifest/come up in
and as my Mind as me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself
to see, realise and understand that: what comes up in the Mind, such as my own
demons that haunt me, as memories/remembrances/events/past
experiences/relationships/moments – is at this moment only experienced as
Overwhelming, because I have given it all more power/influence over/of me;
through accepting and allowing myself to substantiate it all, grow it all, feed
it all and in fact so Nurture it. Therefore, I forgive myself that I haven’t
accepted and allowed myself to Nurture ‘me’, my life, my living – but accepted
and allowed myself ‘problems and consequence’ to have power over/of me in the
Mind, my OWN Mind and so in this – forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am thus responsible for,
and the only one responsible for, what I accept and allow to exist / possess/
overwhelm me in and as the Mind.
In this, I commit myself to through writing, forgiveness and
commitments – assist and support me to Nurture my Awareness, my stand and live
and apply the Decision, to assist and support me to walk through the Paranoia I
created in my own Mind, to see, realise and understand how I have nurtured a
“Paranormal Realm’ in my own Mind, animated Demons as the things in my Mind
that haunts me, and so assist and support myself to face my own creations,
change me in relationship to my own Creations so that I can learn what it means
to Nurture ME, my LIVING, my LIFE in this REAL WORLD in and as this Physical
Existence; by and through simply starting to change my direction, my attention,
my focus to who I am in every moment of breath in and as by living
participation in and as this Real World, and no more accept and allow myself to
be Possessed / Victimized in relationship to paranormal realms/entities/demons/ghosts
that I accept and allow to haunt my own Mind and set myself free from the Past
and so start focusing on recreating /re-birthing me in and as and through this
Process of Writing, Forgiveness, Commitments and Self Corrective Living.
So, within this all – the primary points here to consider
with what we have walked in the Forgiveness and Commitment Statements, is to
see, realise and understand that one’s Mind only seems overwhelming now,
because of the extent/amount of attention you give it ALL of the time, so it
seems more “powerful than you” at this stage. But, through Writing, Forgiveness and
Commitments – you slowly but surely start strengthening your Stand, your
Awareness and will start seeing, realising and understanding that you can
Really Change your Relationship to what comes up in the Mind and in so doing:
Change yourself. It is one of the most supportive realisations in one’s process
– the fact that: I can change through changing my
relationship/acceptance/allowance to/as what comes up in the Mind; focusing
one’s attention more on finding solutions that creating more problems for
oneself in the Mind.
We’ll continue more in the Next Posts
