Relationships are the Light that Shines Away the Darkness of Me - DAY
488
The Moment of Shock
Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Ten)
In the next post we’ll
open up more dimensions of the consequence that fear of loneliness / being
alone manifest within relationships – how such a fear can compromise self and
one’s relationship with another. Then finally – what is the solution to such a
fear and how would self change and so one’s relationship with another change
with taking responsibility for such thoughts
and emotions.
I
forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise
and understand how I have used and abused both my Mind and Body – to hide from
myself, from the things I reacted to negatively / emotionally, from the things
that I was afraid to confront, from the things I believed I could not handle,
from the things I did not understand, from the things I gave up on about myself
and my life and from the things I refused to admit exists within me. With fear
of being alone and the emotional
experience of loneliness being no exception – as this fear and emotional
experience connected to being alone / lonely is one such thing that exists
within me that I was trying to suppress within me by using my Mind to cover it
up with positive feelings / experiences that I believed only a relationship /
someone else could give me.
In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realise and understand how the more I covered up and hid
such fears / emotional
experiences – the more they became repressed into the depths of my physical
body, as far and as deep as possible. Yet within this not seeing/realising and
understanding that “I can hide, but I can’t run” from myself and that eventually,
such suppression of fears / emotions would contribute to the moment of shock,
trauma and stress I embody on a mental and physical level when/as a loved one
suddenly dies / I am separated from them by circumstance.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself
to be self honest with me when it came to my relationship with alone / lonely
and the emotional energy I attached to such words as ideas within my Mind,
especially when it came to the fact that I was suppressing such ideas and
emotions by using either my Fantasies / the reality of my relationship with
someone to ensure that such ideas and their emotions do not seep through into
my Conscious
reality – but remains hidden from myself as I for a moment bask in the delight
of Fantasies and/or Reality when it comes to relationships – shining a light
into my own Mind and World to ensure the reality of the darkness only just
beyond the light of positive feelings / experience remains as far back and far
away from my Conscious reality as possible.
In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I have used Fantasies / the
Reality of a Relationship as a light switch – the moment I fantasize about
relationships, a light goes on that shifts the darkness of my fears and
emotional experiences farther back into my Mind and Body and/or the moment I have
a relationship in reality – the light STAYS ON, because now I have a constant ‘light’
in my Mind and my World that ensures the darkness of my fears and emotional
experiences in my Mind stays as far back and deep in my Mind and Body as possible.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself
to see, realise and understand how my fear of being alone and the emotional
experience of loneliness – contribute to the moment of shock, trauma and stress
when a ‘loved one’ / ‘person close to me’ suddenly dies / am separated from
them by circumstance – where, I was not aware of the extent to which I
suppressed this fear within me and in that moment the separation from such a
person manifested: the fears that I have suppressed into the deepest, darkest
corners of my mind and being came rushing back.
In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realise and understand how my dependency on another
person as being my ‘light’ to shine away the darkness of my own Mind / World –
only made matters worse for myself; because with every beginning there is an
end; and when/as this person was lost from my mind and from my world – the light
switch of positive energy / experiences and sensations went off and I was left
alone with myself – no more ‘light’ to cover up the darkness, the fears, the
emotions I suppressed and repressed in my Mind and Body; and so they all came
rushing back in that one moment of realising the light in my Mind and World is
not there anymore – and once again I was where I had been before: alone with me
and everything that defined ‘me’ before I started the relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for
so long try and ‘hide’ from the things I reacted to negatively / emotionally,
from the things that I was afraid to confront, from the things I believed I
could not handle, from the things I did not understand, from the things I gave
up on about myself and my life and from the things I refused to admit exists
within me when it came to the relationship with me, my Mind and what goes on
inside of me. Especially within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to use relationships and/or the fantasies thereof to hide
from myself.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand
myself, to understand the things I fear / react to inside myself, to take
responsibility for the things I do not want to admit exists within me, to stand
up from the things I gave up on within myself and my life and to find
perspective, commonsense and clarity on the things I reacted to emotionally. To
no more use / abuse my Mind and Body to suppress the darkness
of me, to no more use / abuse Relationships as a place in this world to
continue hiding from myself – but to make a stand within me, in my relationship
to my own Mind – walk into the darkness and sort myself out with the tools of writing, self
forgiveness and practical application, so that my relationship with myself,
my body and so others in my world / reality can be / become more than just
places I’ve used to hide within – but find/discover who I am if I walk through
my own fears and learn what it means to create with the potential I have in
relation to my Mind, Body and others in my world /reality.
In the next post, I will continue with explaining the detail
of how we’ve used suppression in the Mind and Body – why it is that everything
we’ve suppressed in the Mind within/during a relationship comes rushing back
the moment you realise the dependency is not in your world/reality anymore that
you used to hold your suppressions in the Mind; and finally – how this
influence our Minds and Physical Bodies. To within this, see / realise and
understand the Potential we’re taking for granted in relation to the Mind and
Body and our relationship with others, if we’d stop living in fear / hiding
from our own Minds and start give ourselves the opportunity to start
living and so creating ourselves and our relationship with others.
