Heaven's Journey to Life, the Physical - DAY 500


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 Heaven's Journey to Life, the Physical - DAY 500


In and from this post, us beings will be coming through the Portal (each day a different being, for a moment in the day) sharing and continuing, through written self forgiveness, the process of forgiveness we walked with taking responsibility for the inequality and separation we accepted and allowed from our beingness as life, and so from the rest of existence as life: heaven, earth and everything / everyone within and as it - including our personal relationship with ourselves. The consequence of this inequality and separation, manifesting the "great divide" between heaven and earth - was in fact the representation of a long history of individual and collective self interest, greed, power and control – the vices of separation and inequality that has become the human and beingness condition and inherent nature in this life and the next. This has lead to heaven and earth, before the opening of the Portal, to always exist in separation – instead of heaven and earth uniting on all levels of existence in support and assistance of one another. 


Through our written self forgiveness you will come to see, realise and understand how and why us beings in Heaven / Afterlife / Hereafter walked our process of change, through self forgiveness, and uniting us all in the principle of oneness and equality as what's best for all since the opening of the Portal in the year 2005 / 2006.  
In recent years, since 2013 – our process has progressed and evolved into this physical universe / existence – where "Heaven on Earth" is becoming a reality for us as we are walking our process of taking responsibility for our abdication of accountability and atonement when it comes to what we accepted and allowed in the name of inequality and separation unto humanity and this physical universe / existence.  
For further understanding and context of the above and an introduction to The Portal – take a listen to: 
What is Portalling? - PART 1 - What is Portalling
Meeting the Dead while being Alive - Meeting the Dead while being Alive 
The Portal: A Voice for Existence - The Portal: A Voice for Existence
The Portal: Revolutionary Educational Process The Portal: A Revolutionary Educational Process

The purpose of this forgiveness process is to share us beings' individual and collective journey since the opening of the Portal – where we previously existed in consequential division, inequality and separation to now where we're learning and understanding the living statement of "Heaven on Earth" as all of us in the other side / afterlife are journeying into our relationship with this physical existence and understanding our relationship of responsibility and support towards it all, as ourselves. In this journey and process of Self Forgiveness we hope to inspire an understanding within you 

For more context and understanding of the above, especially THE PORTAL and Heaven's journey since the opening of The Portal in 2005 / 2006 – please visit: www.eqafe.com also focusing on the series: 
Journeys into the Afterlife , The Future of Consciousness https://eqafe.com/series/29-the-future-of-consciousness  – herein the process and journey of heaven is walked and discussed in detail. For more information on the Portal and the relationship between heaven and earth, please listen to and watch this ongoing series: The Portal and I https://eqafe.com/series/79-the-portal-and-i



The rest will open up, continue and unfold in our process of self forgiveness 

Separating oneself from the physical, the physical body, this physical universe – all that is matter:  

Note for context: the self forgiveness here is done in the process us beings walked within and during the opening of The Portal , stretching from 2004 / 2005 to today– sharing the timeline of what made us realise to stand in the principle of equality and oneness and truly understanding the meaning of responsibility and support unto self and all as self. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and during my lifetime on earth as well as in the afterlife – never question my relationship with my physical body, this earth, this physical existence and everything / everyone within it. Especially when looking at the extent of division between heaven and earth: with this physical existence containing an innumerable amount of beings, life awarenesses / sources within plants, animals, the environment – yet in the afterlife (before the opening of The Portal)...there was only energy and beings...no self or life creation individually and collectively.  

I forgive myself that I didn't accept and allow myself to throughout my lifetimes on earth as well as in the afterlife – ever question how and why it is, that I as a being had barely a HANDFUL of relationships worth mentioning...little to no connection of real value, worth, depth, integrity, intimacy, trust etc. existing with myself, any being, let alone anything else within existence in heaven and earth. Why – having been in existence for EONS of time...do I have no real relationship, connection with anyone else...EVEN MYSELF!?!? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a part of this existence – in heaven and earth, yet never looking into myself and into existence, everything and everyone within it, and asking: Who am I within this all, and all's relationship towards me? What is the role, purpose, piece, position of me in the grand scheme of everything and everyone else? No – none such questions existed in me...I only "lived out the me, lives" that was 'given to me, that I walked into'...no relationship, no connection with anything or anyone, nor my own being, the energy in heaven or the matter in and of this physical existence.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to look back in time – the evolution of existence, from the beginning before the inception and creation of heaven and earth, up into when heaven and earth became a reality -lifting my head and opening my eyes with the question: is this all there will ever be, me coming and going lifetime after lifetime in-between heaven and earth...forgetting, then remembering, then forgetting... as I forget who and what I was in heaven and previous lives when in my life on earth, for a fraction of a moment remembering when entering heaven, then forgetting again as I embark in my life on earth. My point, my purpose in heaven and on earth...meaningless, without matter, no PARTicular significance as my PART, my point, my purpose and role within existence is of no consequence.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how – being of no consequence on an intrinsic level within myself, I made my relationship with myself, my being, my body in lifetimes on earth, my relationship with others, the entirety and all of earth and heaven: of no consequence either. In this – having no relationship, nor connection, with any part of me and so everything and everyone in this life and the next: I accepted and allowed myself to become a pointless, meaningless, insignificant, replaceable drifter in and throughout time itself...leaving behind memories and walking into an unknown future lifetime in heaven and earth, which I partook in creating through my accepted and allowed silent agreement of taking no action, nor responsibility for any of who I was and what I had done throughout my lifetimes in existence.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I could blame or want to blame something or someone else – other than myself: Frankly, it was me, myself and I who did not think to ask the question(s), really walk with the QUESTion, open it up and allow it to become my QUEST in lifetimes in existence. No, instead - I am the one who went along with it, in a mundane acceptance and allowance of stumbling into one reality and into the next, victimized by my own and everyone else's consequence as I walk into future lives, because of accepting and allowing a me, relationships and connections 'of no consequence'.  
In this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the irony of it: existing in a state of 'no consequence' towards myself and everything/everyone else in existence...created and manifested, through me, a reality and existence of absolute consequence. A reality, an existence that has evolved without any one of us truly taking PART and playing our PART in our PARTiticipation within it all. We've just accepted and allowed things to go on and on and on and on... 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the extent to which I have accepted and allowed myself to pinch and hold myself into a state of self enslavement to my own helplessness and hopelessness – wherein I have made myself live the beLIEf that I am so incredibly insignificant, of no consequence, no purpose, no matter...I did not see realise and understand the SIGNIFICANTLY CONSEQUENTIAL and PROBLEMATIC existences I participated in creating in the smallest of moments throughout my time and lifetimes in existence. Looking back, to the present and into the future – seeing the role, the part I played in making what had become of heaven, earth, everything and everyone within and as it...including the 'me' (or what there was of this 'me') a reality.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand – how and why I never questioned, never asked, never lifted my head, looked up, looked back, to the present and into the future: because of a deep seated accepted and allowed state and experience of self - "I don't matter in the grand scheme of things"...not realising I always did MATTER TO the grand scheme of things, to life itself, because I was a part of it, emerged from it. It was me who did not connect in a relationship with me and so life as me in all of existence as parts of me.  
In this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how this beLIEF of "I don't matter, I am of no significant value, worth or respect unto myself nor existence" - allowed us all to individually and collectively subconsciously and unconsciously create and manifest our own individual and collective futures, experiences and interconnected lives...we just never remember, realise or know how we created and accepted and allowed to create the experiences we walk into, the lives we face, the people / beings we connect with...and in this, the greatest sadness of it all: we're lost gods in our own creations...not realising how significant we truly are to ourselves, each other and our individual and collective futures.  

We'll continue more in the next post...



Thank you for Supporting me to Understand Self Honesty: DAY 499


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Thank you for Supporting me to Understand Self Honesty: DAY 499


In the next post, I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and “Thank you for showing me what it means to know myself, to understand myself”…
Also expanding more on how – with ‘losing yourself in moments’, such moments are opportunities to LEARN about yourself, to UNDERSTAND yourself as the Mind and so opportunities to grow, develop and expand your awareness even more…

Before I continue with the next two dedications, I would like to expand on the point of ‘losing yourself in moments’ in thoughts and emotions in your Mind, which I discussed in the previous blog.
Understand, you will ‘lose’ yourself in moments, this happens in the process of understanding the Mind – especially when you’re facing new thought- / reaction-patterns you haven’t yet faced / dealt with inside your Mind. Such ‘new’ things will often rise up from deeper dimensions in your mind / body. Process is like walking through layers within yourself, the moment you’ve walked through one layer, the next layer beneath it opens up and is it opens up…Pandora’s box reveals itself as the new thoughts / emotions and dimensions in your consciousness unveils itself, which often comes up quite intensely, overwhelming one in moments. So, even though you reach a point in your process / awareness where you’re able to direct mind constructs and energies effectively, it does so happen that points inside yourself ‘creep up’ unexpectedly and ‘catch you off-guard’; before you know it – you’re overwhelmed by thoughts / emotions and many other things inside yourself. When this happens – this represents a ‘new process’ inside yourself that’s emerging, but you’ll find you will be able to ground yourself, stabilise yourself much faster and introspect / investigate the new dimensions of thoughts / emotions to deal with / face and change within yourself.
The ‘problem’ only comes in when you continue doing the same thing over and over and not learn from it that it becomes deliberate – ‘cause you KNOW where a certain train of thought and reactions will lead you, yet do nothing to change it…and cycle in the same pattern over and over again. So, in such instances – best to identify why you’re ‘deliberately’ losing yourself in alternate realities and reactions in your Mind, assist and support yourself to stop and change these cycles…because only you can do it for yourself, no one else is existing in your own Mind but you.
However, there does come a time…in the future of one’s process, where one even stop being able to be ‘caught off-guard’ by your own mind. This is when you reach the quantum physical / physical dimensions of your process after having walked the conscious, subconscious, unconscious and quantum mind. Where you’re able to be aware of thoughts / energies trying to come up / move from within your mind / body and already stop participation before they come into creation. So, there’s still quite an fascinating process of awareness ahead when it comes to getting to know / understanding your own mind and body and the relationship between the two!

Let’s continue with the dedications:
“Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty”
Self honesty has been the most empowering, yet frightening thing I have faced within this process. In the beginning of my process – I struggled with the difference between ‘honesty’ and ‘self honesty’. I initially thought I had to be ‘honest’ with ‘everyone else’ – to always ‘speak my MIND’, speak exactly what I think and feel and this obviously coming from my initial starting point of believing ‘all that I am is my thoughts and emotions’. However, I had come to understand an interesting thing within my process when looking at the following question: “how can you really be ‘honest’ with everyone else, if you have not been honest with yourSELF? How can you understand what ‘speaking the truth’ means, if you have not been truthful with yourSELF? What does it mean to be honest with SELF, truthful with SELF?”
‘Speaking my Mind’ more often than not got me into a bit of trouble, speaking my thoughts as they came up and speaking the exact detail of my emotions and feelings; especially WHILE I was in thoughts and emotions…so I would literally ‘speak my Mind in real time, in the moment, immediately’. Most people did not respond well to this. So, I literally took ‘honesty’ as I understood it then – to the extreme. All it ended up leading to was creating more conflict inside myself and my relationships with other people – ‘honesty’ in no way brought me, nor my relationship with others to understanding, realisation, growth and expansion
Now, some would think this to be a ‘commendable trait’ – being fearless to speak one’s Mind, which is also often termed to be ‘speaking the truth’. However – with understanding the difference between self honesty and honesty…one will understand how our current perception / definition of honesty epitomizes the separation from SELF we accept and allow in our relationship with the Mind, our thoughts and emotions/feelings. So, what I had come to learn about self honesty, the difference between this and honesty is already obvious when looking at the words: SELF honesty and honesty. With honesty – SELF is missing. Now, what does this mean? More importantly – why can Self Forgiveness only be applied within Self Honesty to really have an effect on one’s process of self change, self realisation and self expansion within this process from Consciousness to Awareness?

In the next post, I will continue with explaining how Self Forgiveness supported me to understand and face Self Honesty. Also, why ‘honesty’ still only keeps you locked into Consciousness – whereas Self Honesty expands your Awareness to be able to take that step back in your own Mind in relation to your own thoughts and emotions, to be able to understand how exactly your own mind, you within your own Mind operate…so, really – understanding Self Honesty through Self Forgiveness was an important key within my process from Consciousness to Awareness and breaking through the idea/belief I held of myself as ‘only being my thoughts and emotions’…when there’s in fact been so much more to me, to who I am and so each one of us.
Furthermore, I will share examples to illustrate the difference between self honesty and honesty – showing how self honesty leads to understanding and solutions, with honesty – more often than not leading to further friction / conflict…

A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel (Part 2): DAY 498


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A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel (Part 2): DAY 498

  
In the next post I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost”, “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and many more, to assist and support with understanding how the relationship you develop with yourself through Self Forgiveness and doing it genuinely, within self honesty assists and supports with discovering parts of yourself only you can gift to yourself through the tool of Self ForGIFTness

Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost
In the beginning of my process, becoming aware of my Mind, the thoughts and emotions - it was like everything intensified, could become so overwhelming where it felt like I was underneath waves crashing down on me with no opportunity to come up and breathe for air, not knowing what’s up, down, left or right inside myself. It is initially a shock when you become aware of how much you think and the extent to which thoughts generate emotions / feelings inside yourself…but at the same time, with understanding that it only seems so intense / overwhelming because you were never AWARE of / never LOOKED at your own thoughts / emotions – so, now with directly looking at them, it’s like you start seeing your thoughts and emotions everywhere within you, all of the time…
Sometimes within this experience inside myself, especially when I would be THINKING too much about something / someone and not actually write it out to look at it more constructively…I would very easily get lost in my thoughts and emotions. Lost meaning, where – I ‘forget’ to forgive myself, ‘forget’ to write it out, ‘forget’ to take a moment to breathe. So ‘losing myself’ in this context means where I lose that part of myself, my awareness to stabilise myself inside, to ground myself, to quiet myself as I spiral myself, my awareness into my thoughts and emotions into the experience of crying it out, collapsing on the bed crying, bundling up into a ball crying…like making myself ‘fall’ inside myself and completely giving into my thoughts and emotions. Then, once I cried out all the emotions and released all the energy inside myself through crying…the energy veil would drop, I would breathe and then look at the situation, speak to someone, talk it out and come to realise everything was not ‘the end of the world’ or as bad as my thoughts / emotions made it out to be.

Then, I would look back and ask myself “why didn’t I just breathe, forgive and let go from the BEGINNING?!?!?” I in the end ‘found myself’ again, ‘came back to myself’ once the emotions settled…so, why put myself through all that, all the intense, overwhelming, whirlwind thoughts and emotions and crying / collapsing when I could prevent that by just from the get-go breathe, forgive and ground/stabilise myself? So, we can lose ourselves for MOMENTS in thoughts / emotions the longer we stay in them, but we’re never “lost” – a part of our awareness is always present throughout it all…I realised that I just didn’t make the decision, I just didn’t move myself the MOMENT the thoughts and emotions started escalating inside myself to stop for a moment, to breathe, to forgive and then write it out / speak it out within someone.
So, after a couple of times of ‘losing and finding’ myself in this way, I HAD ENOUGH!!! and applied the principle of prevention to – whenever the thoughts / emotions started building inside myself, MOVE MYSELF to stop, to breathe, to FORGIVE the emotions and so settle myself / my awareness within myself and instead DIRECT the points inside myself with writing / speaking about it. This ‘movement’ of myself is where I in a moment REMIND myself “if I don’t breathe and forgive NOW…this is going to escalate and I am going to put myself through unnecessary turmoil”. So, it’s either me with AWARENESS releasing the emotions BEFORE they go out of control and build up inside myself to the point of losing myself inside myself for a moment…or the emotions take over and release themselves eventually through crying / collapsing inside myself…both directions eventually leading to the same outcome: I return to myself. So, I much rather direct myself with awareness, with forgiveness in the beginning than accepting and allowing myself to put myself through unnecessary turmoil…

Granted, there were moments and still are where I face thoughts and intense emotions that take over in a moment, so fast that it caught me ‘off-guard’ inside myself, but even though this happened – because I have practised in my Awareness so much, I can stop, breathe and forgive while I am in overwhelming thoughts / emotions…so it never got to the point where I would ‘lose myself for a moment’…my Awareness would be here, intact within myself – even able to immediately stop, breathe, forgive and direct in overwhelming turmoil of thoughts and emotions.
This is how self forgiveness and the application thereof assisted and supported me to be stable and grounded inside myself, even though things may seem impossible / lost, because a trust develops within yourself where you know that no matter what you’re facing, you’ll guide yourself through it and understand it and be able to resolve it within yourself through having yourself, your ‘guide’ as Self Forgiveness. Most importantly, how my writing, speaking and application of Self Forgiveness made me realise that I can stand in such a way within myself where I am not a victim to my own thoughts and emotions, I don’t have to ‘lose’ myself inside myself – I can stand up and direct my own thoughts and emotions in such way where it does not compromise me, what I experience, what I say and do.

In the next post, I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and “Thank you for showing me what it means to know myself, to understand myself”…
Also expanding more on how – with ‘losing yourself in moments’, such moments are opportunities to LEARN about yourself, to UNDERSTAND yourself as the Mind and so opportunities to grow, develop and expand your awareness even more…




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