The Fear of Failure and Desire for Success (Part Two): DAY 323
Solution (continued):
Here we’re going to walk through opening up all the
Dimensions of the Problem and within the Problem – also see the Solution, as we
walk a Process of
Writing of Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments
I
forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise
and understand how – with existing in a relationship of FEAR towards Failure
and a DESIRE towards success, such as my relationship between laziness and
discipline: that I am in fact, within myself – through energy, creating
Characters/Personalities in my Mind that would eventually become two ‘me’s’
fighting it out in the energy-battle between the Negative Fear and the Positive
Desire that I connected/defined to/towards Laziness and Discipline. In this, I
forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and
understand how I within these/such relationships – become like a never-ending
see-saw – with Fear sitting on the one-end and Desire on the other-end, and
literally taking me for an ‘energy-ride’ in how I move/become moved by/through
the Energy-Polarities of Fear and Desire.
I commit myself to show, that: we have become like see-saws
in the Mind in relation to our Relationship with
Energy-Polarities of the Positive and the Negative, and how we would use the
Negative to fuel the Positive -such as
running from Fear of Failure to Desire for Success in our own Minds, and then
imposing this ‘battle of the Energies’ into and onto the Physical Body, where
we drive ourselves mentally and physically to remain in the ‘Desire for Success’
to be ‘successful’ while at the same time moving ourselves away from Fear, away
from Failure – not seeing, realising and understanding what such
Energy-Polarities are in fact doing to us, mentally and physically. Whereby, as
we’re running from Failure to Success, with Energy, in our own Minds – the energy-battle
in the Mind, resonate and manifest into the Physical, where eventually it
becomes a ‘physical internal fight’ and we will physically drive/motivate/push
ourselves to/towards Success, within a starting point of energy, of Fear of
Failure and Desire for Success and can accept and allow ourselves to Drive
ourselves mentally
and physically into burnout, because all that becomes important is the
Success/Desire for Success and the Not Failing/Fear of Failure and so manifest
into an actual possession where we will ignore the Physical Body and its signs/symptoms
of the extent of stress/tension we enforce onto/as it as our Mind wage war
between the Polarities of Fear and Desire and can so eventually compromise
ourselves mentally and physically and become neither a Failure or a Success,
but just completely fall/collapse into nothingness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to
accept and allow the relationship of me to and as Energy – where I have come to
believe/perceive that I need Energy/Energy-Experience/Energy-Reactions to
motivate/drive/force me into and as Change/Expression. In this, I forgive
myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and
understand how I have never in fact really changed within relationships to
Energy – all that change is my EXPERIENCE of who I am in a moment, and then
from that EXPERIENCE – I would ALTER my behaviour/deeds, but WHO I AM is what
will not, in fact, change as the who I am alteration between Characters is
dependent on energy/energy-experience/energy-reactions, so I always only change
within energy and characters dependent on my reactions to my own
thoughts/imaginations/backchat. So, what happens in this relationship with a
primary relationship of FEAR
towards Failure and DESIRE towards Success is the following:
Failure becomes a Character in that, it will consist of
particular thoughts, backchats and reactions such as: “I’m never going to make
it”, “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t do this”, “Look at them, they’re so much
better than me – how can I ever match that” and/or seeing oneself already in an
imaginative image in the mind failing/not making it and/or making a complete
mess/disaster of something as projecting one’s failure before it even started.
Then, there’s emotional responses such as anxiety, fear, stress, despondency,
helpless, inferior, victimized etc. So – all of these mind-participations fuel
the energy-experience and behaviour of “I am a Failure” as a Character in the
Mind. Then, let’s say a situation occurred where one – for example, to Survive
in this world, was forced into a situation where one HAD to succeed to be able
to make it in this world/reality. In this, one then from the ‘Failure-Character’
created the ‘Succeeding Character’ through creating/participating in NEW
thoughts, imaginations, backchats and reactions of emotions/feelings that
oppose the Failure-Character and so created a Desire to now become Successful.
So, the NEW Thoughts/backchats/reactions would be something like “I am NOT
going to Fail”, “I WILL not Fail”, “I WILL make it”, “I will do whatever it
takes” and then one create New Imaginations, such as seeing oneself succeed in
the Future, and making it and getting things done and now one have FEELING
reactions such as desire, expectation, motivation etc. NOW, what happens here
is that: the Failure Character STILL exist within self and every so now and
then, the Failure Character’s constructs come up in the Mind and start creeping
in and saying things like “I’m not going to make it” / “I can’t do this” / “I’m
a failure, how the hell can I expect from myself to be good in anything?” / “Why
did I make myself believe that I can ever do this” – but then, the Succeeding
Character comes back and says “No, I am not going to Fail” / “I will not Fail”
/ “I AM doing this” / “Fuck this Failure, I’ll show it” – and then one
generate/create desire, expectation, motivation and so fuel oneself mentally
and physically to PUSH oneself to ‘Succeed’. And over and over and over again:
this same pattern repeats and so one will push and push and push and push,
running from Failure to Success, but eventually use so much Mental and Physical
Energy in this War/Conflict within oneself that the Physical Body would just
give in, as it takes ENERGY
for Consciousness to exist, and that energy is resourced from the Physical Body
and one can generate so much energy into and as Consciousness, that for the
Physical to preserve itself/its own existence – will literally ‘give in /
collapse’, which is what eventually leads to ‘burnout’, for example.
In this, I commit myself to show – how, we create two
Characters in the Mind -with their own thoughts,
voices, imaginations, reactions, as how we split ourselves in our own Minds and
then actually ‘talk to ourselves’ as split-parts of ourselves to energetically motivate/maintain/hold/control
ourselves in and as a point of ‘Change’. But, what is not seen, realised and
understood here, is that: Yes – if/as one Moved from the Failure-Character to
the Succeeding Character and actually ‘became successful’ in something – all that
happened was that, in the War between Energies as Characters: one’s Succeeding
Character became dominant, but still one have to fuel/empower/charge it with
thinking very specific thoughts, having very specific imagination and so
generating very specific reactions of emotions/feelings to keep the Character
in the Mind and the Physical Body going. Whereas for most, it such a battle /
conflict between Characters actually lead to mental and physical consequence,
in that: it becomes a constant, continuous fight this having to ‘talking
oneself out of and then into Characters’ in the Mind that then from there
Determine one’s Change/Behaviour in the Physical Body/Living/Expression. In
this also, what happens is: this is then Created as an ‘Illusion of Change’, in
fact – because, first Thoughts/Backchats/Reactions/Imagination from the Failure
Character comes-up, then you react in Fear to the Failure Character, and then
only the Succeeding Character comes up in its Desire to exist – which from
there stimulate the Succeeding Character’s
Thoughts/Imagination/Reactions/Backchat, which then only from there – initiate one
into Mental/Physical
Change. See: all that Change is Characters in the Mind through
thoughts/backchats/reactions/imaginations that initiate ENERGY and from energy
go into ‘Character Change’.
The question within this, is: where is Self, who is Self
within it all – and: is there another
Way of Change, without waging internal battles within ourselves with Characters/Personalities
in which we split ourselves into two and actually end up talking to ourselves
in our Minds to maintain/control/hold ourselves in/as ‘Change’ or the
experience of ‘Change’?
We’ll continue in the Next Post
