The Death of a Loved One and the Death of Me - DAY 493

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Fifteen)

I will continue in the next post with some examples of the difference between perceiving death as loss / losing and how to practically change this relationship for yourself with how to look at the life and death experience as a gift, where another person ADDS to you / your life instead of you also losing yourself through the death of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the death of a loved one – to become the death of a part of me, as I become so overwhelmed with the emotions involved with someone’s death that has become so much a part of me, where the loss I experience piercing me so deep – with the pain and hurt that sorrow, sadness and grief creates being so profound that the wound of such a loss permeates this physical realm into my very being…so profound the wound of death / loss of such a someone in my life that it feels like I will never heal as it seems it is a wound that can never heal…

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how with me accepting and allowing myself to lose myself in the emotions that come with the loss of such a someone – a part of me gets lost and can so eventually a part of me ‘dies’ within myself if I accept and allow myself to continue existing in such overwhelming emotions within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose a part of myself, for a part of ME to die with the loss / death of a loved one

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that me losing a part of myself, that this someone’s death contributed to a death / a loss of a part of me – is not what they would have wanted; that death / loss should not mean a death / loss of self in an way – but to as this someone breathed their last breath of life, for self to breathe in that breath of life as the gifts this someone gave / shared to you throughout your time spent together

I commit myself to breathe in the life, the lessons, the gifts that I have learned from those in my world / life that has passed; to not accept and allow the death of another to become the loss / death of a part of me as this is not what death should be for ourselves / our lives; but instead to see how the ENTIRE LIFE of the person contributed to the LIFE that is still to be walked and experienced before me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how a moment of death can overwhelm my Mind to such an extent with emotions, pulling me into this darkness within myself to where I cannot anymore see ME, feel ME, live ME – the me that is still HERE, the me that has a life to be walked before me – and in this darkness, in this overwhelmingness I lose sight of the ENTIRE LIFE that we have lived together, walked together and HOW MUCH of that can contribute to me CREATING me, my life and benefit the future I still have within this world / reality.

So therefore – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Death to suppress LIFE, the LIFE of me, the LIFE of another and the LIFE we walked and created together and so I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to do a disservice to me, to this someone and everything and everyone else in my life and my future by accepting and allowing death to suppress LIFE, but to focus on LIFE as me, this someone and how our LIVES can contribute to the future of my life and that of others

I commit myself to assist and support myself and those in my life that has passed – to HONOUR them as I honour myself, my life – by assisting and supporting me to breathe in their life, their gifts, the lessons I have learned from them to become, be and live my utmost potential, so that their lives become a gift – instead of their death becoming the loss / the death of a part of me; of which their lives and all that they were would then have been for nothing when looking at their relationship to me.

We’ll continue more in the next post, explaining how the ‘wounds’ we inflict on ourselves through the Mind will need a process of self healing, to again return to the life within self that can be lost for a moment because of the shock, trauma and stress endured during the loss / death of a loved one

Losing someone is like Losing a part of Myself (Part 2) - DAY 492

The Moment of Shock

 

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Fourteen)

In the next post I will continue with explaining how this ‘adding – subtracting’ equation manifest in our relationship with others, how exactly others become a part of us and how to within that not misinterpret ‘loss’ within yourself and your life as ‘losing something forever and ever’ – but how to move yourself and align yourself within you and your life to ensure that the person that you became separated from, still remains a part of you based on the lessons/experiences you have learned from them and how they practically fulfilled you based on what they left behind of them within you / your life that you can use to continue growing, expanding and living yourself / life to the fullest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive death as ‘loss’ – within the starting point of believing that another had for a time within my life become a part / a piece of me and now with the person no longer being in my life, that part / piece of me they became is now ‘gone’, lost to death forever.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the equation within and as which I was approaching death was that of a part of me stepping out / stepping away, ‘subtracting me’ to be able to ‘add another’ – essentially taking out a ‘puzzle piece / part of me’ belonging to myself, and then replacing it with another to fulfil that part / piece of me. In so doing, when/as the other leaves my world / my life – with them the piece / part they fulfilled leaves and so contributing to the experience of loss / emptiness; especially when that part / piece of another is so suddenly and unexpectedly ripped from my beingness / my life experience.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how – when another ‘becomes a part of me’, it happens gradually as the relationship progress in space and time into a depth and intimacy that penetrate so many dimensions of my mind, beingness and body; where this process of me ‘subtracting myself’ and ‘adding another’ – having another replace a piece / part of me within myself, creating a form of dependency on so many levels: happens unconsciously / automatically without my direct awareness. Which is also what contributes to the shock, trauma and stress the moment the other is taken by death – because I was not always aware of the depth the relationship had developed / reached within myself, the extent of dependency I had created in my relationship to the other, the exact way in which I replaced a part / piece of me with the other to fulfil / complete a part / piece of me – that I in fact only come to realise at the moment of facing the death of the other.

So, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand another dimension that Death opens up when standing back for a moment, it opens up the dimension of being able to directly see for yourself – the depth of the relationship, the extent of dependency and what part of self the person fulfilled to so be able to transform the shock, trauma and stress of death into gratefulness for the depth / intimacy and transform the dependency into a gift with gifting to self that part / piece the other fulfilled within yourself so that it may live on in you for the remainder of your life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I can assist and support myself in relation to the death of another – to change my perception from ‘losing’ / ‘loss’ to ‘gifting / giving’ – where, I self honestly will miss the person in my life for all that they were; but what I know as what I would have wanted for other’s whose lives I touch is to assist and support themselves with continuing living / expressing the gifts / experiences realised through our relationship together – to not compromise their mind, being and body with emotions, the shock, trauma and stress; but fulfil and complete themselves with the gratefulness and gifts that relationships in fact present to each one of us within this lifetime.

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to with walking relationships – especially when they start becoming long-term and establish a level of intimacy and depth, already start dreading the looming inevitability of death / separation, instead of always living in the ‘here and now’ – see what we can learn / GIFT to one another and make the relationship fulfilling and complete for both, so that the relationship-itself becomes a gifting to each other’s life/living experience – so that by the inevitable end, we can for a moment step back, in gratefulness, assess what of the relationship can be carried through into living, change the dependencies into gifts and so let the relationship live on through you. With the missing of the person being a given – as they were someone that was a part of you / your life for a long time, but the missing will then not be an emotional compromise to your mind, body and being – but in moments merely reminisce and remember in GRATEFULNESS for what the being meant for you, for what the being gifted to you and what you learned from them within your life experience.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to thus see, realise and understand how my relationship to the life and death experience of another change, with seeing, realising and understanding that with approaching a relationship in relation to what they can additionally ADD to me, my life with the time we spent together, with after the death experience seeing what I can learn and so additionally ADD to myself and my life – is how I will change the relationship-equation to death from perceiving it as loss / losing, to transforming another’s life into enriching myself and my own; instead of how it’s been where another’s death compromise my mind, being and body when and as I accept and allow myself to only see / view the death as a loss / losing.

I will continue in the next post with some examples of the difference between perceiving death as loss / losing and how to practically change this relationship for yourself with how to look at the life and death experience as a gift, where another person ADDS to you / your life instead of you also losing yourself through the death of another.

Losing someone is like Losing a part of Myself - DAY 491

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Thirteen)

In the next post, I will continue with how this polarity-separation of hope and fear contribute to a split that manifests within and as self, a split from self, the body and so reality – into an alternate reality in the mind, that contribute to the extent of impact shock, trauma and stress manifest within self and so the physical body; and how to assist and support oneself to practically prepare oneself and so face the reality of the fact that death is unpredictable and so minimize the effect of shock, trauma and stress the moment something unpredictable happens in your relationship  with yourself / another.

Losing someone, especially an individual that you have spent a lifetime / years walking with – is not easy. This process we’re walking in relation to shock, trauma and stress is in no way implying that you shouldn’t feel / experience ANYTHING when someone passes or you’re separated from them – especially due to traumatic circumstances. No.

However, what you can assist and support yourself with is to minimize the effects of shock – the experience of loss and mourning, on your ‘mind, body and being’. ‘Mind, body and being’ meaning: those who have walked through death experiences – personally or through losing someone through death, knows that the shock of that loss seems to penetrate your mind and body and reach into depths within self, where – when you think of them / look at memories of them, it feels like you’re being pulled into the deep dark hole within yourself, an emptiness that awaits with only the experience of sadness, sorrow, grief, loss and pain. It’s like, usually – the person you lost always used to fill a space within yourself, more so than you initially realised; until you lost them and that ‘space’ within yourself that you gave to them to make a ‘home’ within you, become a part of you in a way – that space is now empty and what had taken its place was the emptiness, the emotions of sadness, sorrow, grief, loss and pain.

Why and how does this happen? On what level / in what dimensions within your Mind, Being and Body does another person become a part of you – where it’s literally like you make a ‘space’ for them within yourself on many levels and allow them to become such an integral part of you on so many levels/dimensions, that when you’re separated from them / they die: all that’s left is an emptiness and emotion?

We actually form relationships with others that extend beyond the Mind and emotion, where connections can manifest on a beingness as well as physical level. Such a beingness-physical level connection is not a connection that is necessarily established through sex, but can also be established through a long-term relationship of pure communication and intimacy, where you for years can walk with a person and that intimacy / depth, purely through communication and participation, can become established. (This process of how and why we develop relationships and so intimate / deep connections with others within our lives with the connection extending beyond the mind and emotions into our beingness/physical body – is described and walked in detail within the Death Research Series that will be available on EQAFE soon, so keep an eye out) It is important to understand the nature of such relationships, because it is in fact such relationships – that form a connection on a beingness-level, that contributes to the shock, trauma and stress and the impact thereof on the mind, being and body of yourself when you face the death of such an individual with who you have established such a relationship. This is why, when that ‘disconnect’ happens from the other person – it affects you on so many levels within yourself, mentally, physically and also into a depth of your being; the loss is affecting you on so many levels / into so many depths because of the extent / reach of the relationship and your connection with the person that had in fact been more close than you may have initially realised / known.

Yet, what makes the shock, trauma and stress experience – that moment of loss, more compromising on you than it needs to be; is when you do not understand the WHY of the experiences of loss and the extent thereof that you’re going through. Mainly because the degree of depth / intimacy of the relationship was not understood in the first place and then also how to assist and support oneself to ‘fill the space’ within oneself that was once filled by the other person. This in itself is not something that is understood: when someone close to you dies – especially when you have connected with that person on more levels than just the Mind / Emotion, when that someone dies – we immediately go into the assumption that ‘a part of ourselves’ has been lost, which contributes to the experience of being ‘empty’. But, the reality of the situation is that: you cannot EVER ‘lose’ yourself. Our Mind, Being and Body is a ‘closed system’ – meaning: all parts of ourselves will ALWAYS be here – it can only ever be SUPPRESSED…but never be lost.

Therefore, when you make ‘space’ for another within yourself, when you allow them to become a part of you based on the intimacy / connection and so depth of the relationship – it’s more like you ADD them to your life, it’s not like you ‘subtract a part of you and then add another into you’ – no! You additionally ADD a part of them with and within you. Then, when they die / you’re separated from them – that of them that you added within you, is then ‘lost’ for a moment, which is why you have the experience of ‘loss’ and ‘emptiness’ for a moment. But we tend to often hold onto the emptiness and loss, instead of seeing how we can ‘refill’ that space with OURSELVES and what we have learned from them and the time spent together with them. So, others for a moment add to ourselves / our lives so that we ourselves can eventually stand in that responsibility for ourselves.

In the next post I will continue with explaining how this ‘adding – subtracting’ equation manifest in our relationship with others, how exactly others become a part of us and how to within that not misinterpret ‘loss’ within yourself and your life as ‘losing something forever and ever’ – but how to move yourself and align yourself within you and your life to ensure that the person that you became separated from, still remains a part of you based on the lessons/experiences you have learned from them and how they practically fulfilled you based on what they left behind of them within you / your life that you can use to continue growing, expanding and living yourself / life to the fullest.