Relationships and Death (Part 2): DAY 482

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Relationships and Death (Part 2): DAY 482
The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Four)

…Death is Death, one cannot in fact go to the absolute of saying “I Fear Death” – if one only react to the deaths of those in the inner-circle, and not blink an eye to the Deaths of those in the second and last circle. If we’d REALLY ‘Fear Death’ – we’d be in a constant possession of FEAR with the extent of Deaths that manifest every second time goes by within/as this physical existence. So, if we do not ‘Fear Death’, but only “Fear the Death of ourselves and those in the inner-circle”…what is it that we’re actually fearing /reacting to???

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever question why / how it is that we develop such an intense / intimate connection with someone / something, to the extent where – when we lose them / when they die, especially unexpectedly: it leads us to a point within ourselves where we never want to “love someone” to that extent ever again due to the fear of having to go through / experience the depth of sadness and despair one is taken into/as within oneself?

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever consider that: a part of us is in fact from the get-go Aware of the intense intimacy / connection that we have come to define as “love” and at the same time as that “love” grows, as the intimacy and connection intensifies: the fear of losing them grows. Where, we ‘overall’ have the general experience of love – but every so now and then, the projections / imaginations accompanied with emotions and fear, visit us in the Mind in relation to ‘what would we do / be if we’d ever lose them’; but we very quickly discard such imaginations / projections, suppress them as far back in our Minds as possible – not realising the “warning” such projections / imaginations in fact represents…

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how the intensity / extent of the experience of “love / connection” – closely equals the extent of “fear / sadness and loss” experienced at the end of a relationship; sometimes – dare I say, the extent of “fear, sadness and loss” is MORE and deeper and ever so compromising on one’s mental and physical well-being than the extent of “love / connection” one has had for someone. So, why and how is it –within this equation that it seems like the loss and the mental and physical impact it can have on one, is a consequence / “cost” for/as the extent of “love” one had for someone / something? But why does “love” have a price that we mentally and physically ‘pay for’? Why does the loss, grief, sadness – all the emotions involved with the death/loss of someone close, more seem like a ‘punishment’ that makes us crumble and fall into the depths of despair, a sorrow that can penetrate so deep into oneself that it can make one feel as though one can never come out of it?

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the dynamics of how the Mind Consciousness System operates / function within Polarity and the direct-relationship between Love and Fear – where: for “Love” to exist, “Fear” must exist in relation to how the Mind Consciousness System polarize the negative emotions and positive feelings. This is why and how it is that, the more one’s “love” grows and moving closer to someone – equally the fear grows of having to be apart.
Where, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how – when/as one experience “love” / “positive feelings” for someone that develops over time, it’s like one’s heart feels ‘fuller / bigger’ as though it ‘expands’ every time one think of the person / see the person / embrace the person. Then equally – when/as a moment occurs that the person is gone / has been lost to oneself, one’s heart aches, it feels as though it’s being torn apart by the deep sorrow, sadness and pain and emptiness emerge where previously – one felt fulfilled, complete and whole.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever notice / introspect / investigate this polarity-relationship within the Mind in relation to Love and Fear, in relation to the Heart fulfilment and Heart ache, because this has become such an accepted and allowed way of existing and living, never questioned why such a relationship / love with someone that seems to reach the depths of one’s being / “soul” must end with such pain? Why does it not come to an end with a celebration, an appreciation / gratefulness for the time spent together, for what was learned from one-another, how you together grew as individuals – where all the time-spent comes-together in that one moment that you move apart / separate; and what overwhelms one is this absolute sense of knowing that the time spent together was well spent, that the time you had together was used to its utmost potential and that you individually and together lived in such a way to have no regrets…all that remain is the gifts that was left for each other, immortalized in how you lived individually and together and how the gifts given and received will continue to live on through how one interact/live/express with oneself and those still in one’s world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how/why it is that none of us ever stood back for a moment and wondered why and how it is that humanity had become so divided when it comes to relationships and love; where we all have our small inner-circles to which our relationships and love can extend – but none of us have equal relationships / forms of love to the rest of humanity/this physical existence. If we’d have relationships, if we’d ‘love’ as ‘care / consider / regard’ the rest of humanity / this physical existence as a whole as much as we do for ourselves and those within our small inner-circles…how different would this world have been? Is this world / humanity in the state / condition that it is because we have limited / diminished our capacity to really in fact care / consider / regard others as we’d do for ourselves and those in our small inner circle? Does the degree to which we then ‘love’ not define our very limitation, if it only extends into a small inner-circle?

We’ll continue more in the next post – expanding on the point with regards to why/how it is that the “fears” that come up in the mind as the “love” for someone grows, stands in the context of being a ‘warning’ and finally understand why we exist in such an extreme polarity of love and fear in our minds in relation to someone; and what are the consequences and solutions for such relationships and experiences we create within the Mind.

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