Relationships are the Cure for Loneliness: DAY 487

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Nine)

In the next post and posts to come – we will continue with the Self Forgiveness Process, focusing on that initial real purpose for/of relationship, what Negative things were covered up / suppressed by the Positive things experienced / that was dependent on the relationship and how this creates MENTAL-RELATIONSHIPS, and what would REAL PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIPS be if/6as our starting point for relationships was not based on emotional/feeling energy, but two individuals walking / living as EQUALS.

This is the cycle we get caught up in, ‘looking for love’ – love encompassing all the positive feelings filled into one bowl within our Minds, where all the positive feelings we’re looking for / searching for from another / in a relationship / sex unites in our Minds / Bodies for a moment to be able to drive / motivate ourselves to just not have to look at ourselves, our problems / issues…our own Minds and what really goes on in there. So, ‘love’ – the search for it / yearning for it and how it preoccupies / possesses our minds, in fact functions as a distraction…a distraction from ourselves, our own minds / who we are.

In and from this blog – we’re going to start the Self Forgiveness Process of exposing thoughts and emotions that often fuel the desire / yearning for relationships, such thoughts and emotions that we tend to not take self-responsibility for and so make ourselves believe that hiding and suppressing them within relationships will ‘make them go away / disappear’; when in fact – they always in some way or another come back / linger in the back of our minds…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loneliness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my fear of loneliness, being in that deep dark abyss of nothingness where it feels like I’m so disconnected from everything and everyone around me – as though I have been forgotten by the world, pushing me into the experience of being SO isolated – that I so YEARN for a connection, for a touch, for a kiss, being held – just that someone to ‘be here’ with me in this aloneness – where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this / such loneliness that only I know of within myself, that is so intimate and so deep within myself – will be ‘cured’ or even understood by another human being…

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how it is that I am creating this aloneness as an emotional experience of loneliness within myself, my own Mind - based on the thoughts and emotions I participate in – such as “I am so alone / lonely” / “I need someone” / “I need to feel loved” / “no one loves me” / “why can’t I have someone that loves me”, essentially manipulating myself with my own thoughts and emotions. 

In so doing, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I am creating my own problem as the emotional experience of loneliness as the negative polarity and from there – my own ‘solution’ as the positive polarity – that being a ‘relationship’. But, it’s interesting that I never consider how and why it is that I am, with my own Mind, my own thoughts and emotions – creating this problem-solution polarity in my Mind with negative and positive emotions and feelings. 

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever introspect / investigate what it is I am creating – and so accepting and allowing in my own Mind with my thoughts and emotions when it comes to the negative polarity of the emotional experience of loneliness, feeling isolated / disconnected and so alone and considering how this would change – if I let go, forgive such thoughts and emotions – where my starting point for a relationship is then not based on my fear of being alone / lonely; using a relationship to suppress / hide this fear – but that I can approach a relationship with a decision to create something more with someone, rather than using someone / a relationship for me to hide from my own fears, my own thoughts and so my own emotions for which I am not taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever question – how it is possible for relationships to be/become ‘more’ if/as the starting point thereof is ‘fear of loneliness’, because as long as the starting point for the relationship is ‘fear of loneliness’ / ‘being alone’ – then everything about the relationship would be dishonest, because all the words, experiences and behaviours will be driven by this fear in some way or another and so what this places into question is “what can I trust about myself / the relationship if everything that I am in the relationship is driven / motivated by this fear?” If anything, what relationships and the condition thereof within humanity has proven is that each one always in some way or another – ends up in the place within themselves that they fear: alone together with the emotional companion of loneliness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self honest with myself when it comes to what it is that I am yearning for / searching for in a relationship with another – for example, looking at this fear of experiencing and facing this loneliness – even though I may find this ‘someone’, ‘the one’:  they never seem to really fulfil this deep, seemingly never-ending yearning for a connection and so I would eventually compromise and ‘settle for less’ where I would justify / excuse / validate how they ‘show their love’ as being ENOUGH – but still, this yearning, this want / need / desire for something MORE will remain within me and/or eventually be suppressed

In the next post we’ll open up more dimensions of the consequence that fear of loneliness / being alone manifest within relationships – how such a fear can compromise self and one’s relationship with another. Then finally – what is the solution to such a fear and how would self change and so one’s relationship with another with taking responsibility for such thoughts and emotions.

Relationships: When Fantasy meets the Real World - DAY 486

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Seven)

In the next post and posts to come – we will continue with the Self Forgiveness Process, focusing on that initial real purpose for/of relationship, what Negative things were covered up / suppressed by the Positive things experienced / that was dependent on the relationship and how this creates MENTAL-RELATIONSHIPS, and what would REAL PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIPS be if/6as our starting point for relationships was not based on emotional/feeling energy, but two individuals walking / living as EQUALS.

This is the cycle we get caught up in, ‘looking for love’ – love encompassing all the positive feelings filled into one bowl within our Minds, where all the positive feelings we’re looking for / searching for from another / in a relationship / sex unites in our Minds / Bodies for a moment to be able to drive / motivate ourselves to just not have to look at ourselves, our problems / issues…our own Minds and what really goes on in there. So, ‘love’ – the search for it / yearning for it and how it preoccupies / possesses our minds, in fact functions as a distraction…a distraction from ourselves, our own minds / who we are.

In this post, we’re going to walk a Self Forgiveness process that will illustrate how the positive feelings/energies of our Consciousness suppress the negative emotions / issues / problems in ourselves and how we within this have come to use relationships as ‘cover ups’. Instead of using relationships to ‘open up’ to ourselves and each other – laying out the problems / issues, discuss them and find solutions for oneself and the other. In so doing, supporting each other to work through the ‘real self’ and expand/develop/grow within the relationship by enhancing the strengths and strengthening the weaknesses in oneself, the other and the relationship - instead of devolving within the relationship where it becomes very superficial – purely based on playing mental games with feelings / pleasing each other and so relationships don’t reach any real depth / intimacy or an foundation of trust that will stand the test of time and challenges within this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how relationships have gone into ‘reverse’ within human civilization – even to the point of questioning whether “relationships” have ever in fact existed…or only the idea thereof in people’s Minds. “Reverse” because, instead of relationships being foundations, strong foundations that are built between individuals in the relationship/partnership over time with patience and perseverance – most of the time is spent on pleasing / ‘pushing buttons’ to activate positive feelings and simulate the imaginations/fantasies. Where this idea exist that ‘if you can Imagine it / Fantasize it – it will come to pass in Reality’, when the Fantasy of relationship can be sustained for a while – but eventually falls the more the individuals spend time in the ‘real world’, facing ‘real challenges’ – most of which were not entertained in the Fantasies of the relationship in the Mind. And so why and how – most Relationships fall, even before it has started, the “Reverse effect” coming into manifestation; because instead of it being a process of building / accumulation, it becomes a process of slow decline to the eventual dissimilation of the Relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how an Idea of relationships that the Fantasies of the Mind/Consciousness produce – has swooped across Humanity, every one / most that have opportunities for relationships attempting to manifest / materialize Fantasies into physical reality; and despite over and over and over again proving that a Relationship in the ‘real world’ is not a Fantasy, but an actual process to walk, an experience that must be created, a creation that must be built with both putting in equal amount of time and effort – despite this: every one still attempts to ‘fight against’ the ‘real world of relationships’ to manifest / materialize their Fantasies of Relationships.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how we then will move from one relationship to the other – when the Fantasies in the Mind do not match the Reality of the Real World, in so doing – blaming self, the other / the relationship as being the problem. Never questioning, introspecting / investigating this ‘living in two worlds’ dilemma that is in fact at the heart of the problem, with one foot standing in the Fantasy of the Mind and the other in the Reality of the Physical – trying to have ‘best of both worlds’. Not seeing, realising and understanding how the Fantasies of the Mind / Consciousness cannot align with the Reality of the Real World, because the Mind / Consciousness is not IN this real world, but in a ‘world of its own’. This is evidenced by the fact that we try and ‘get / have / own relationships’ based on how we Fantasized them to be, never considering the real time, real world challenges and problems of everyday life, relationships that are walked in the real world. So, every time / most of the time a challenge comes your way, individually / in relation to the relationship – it is blamed for interfering with the Fantasy of the relationship, and so most relationships goes into reactions of blame / anger and so fighting / conflict and/or giving up entirely; instead of looking at problems / challenges and having the patience and perseverance to work through them until a solution is found that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how so many come together, each holding their Idea of relationship as programmed by their Fantasies – and so it becomes a ‘clash of two worlds’ for each one and the relationship as well, because: individually – they have one foot in the Fantasy and the other in the Real World and so they are clashing with the Real World trying to materialize / manifest their Fantasies on an individual level. Then their Fantasies are also clashing on a relationship-level in relation to how details differ of what they want for themselves and each other. So, again – we return to the statement “if you know the beginning, you know the end”; as the relationship is thwarted with conflict from the start in the clash / friction between the Fantasy and Real World and then each other’s Fantasies which eventually leads to the initial conflict rising where it manifests / materialize the fall of the relationship. Each then turning around to the next relationship opportunity – only to create the same process / experience again, because “Creation” is not understood: what you create is a reflection of who you are – so, if we don’t change, the relationship experience cannot change.

We will continue in the next post with having a look at this point regarding IDEAS of relationships created from Fantasies, how this point is not yet grasped within Human Consciousness and how this leads to the momentary rise and eventual fall of relationships with not having both feet firmly rooted within this real world and so building / creating relationships that are in fact longstanding – standing the test of challenges and time.

How we use Relationships to Suppress the ‘Real Self’ (Part Two): DAY 485

The Moment of Shock

  

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Seven)

In the next post and posts to come – we will continue with the Self Forgiveness Process, focusing on that initial real purpose for/of relationship, what Negative things were covered up / suppressed by the Positive things experienced / that was dependent on the relationship and how this creates MENTAL-RELATIONSHIPS, and what would REAL PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIPS be if/as our starting point for relationships was not based on emotional/feeling energy, but two individuals walking / living as EQUALS.

To reference a section from the previous post:

This is why we have a TOTAL mental and physical break-down that happens; because the ‘positive energy injections’ that for so long suppressed our real, true self experience is no more there and we are once more confronted and left with our ‘real selves’ that is almost ‘too much to take / handle’.

The process that we’re going to be walking now is an example-process of how you can practically assist and support yourself to identify what problems / issues you’re suppressing within yourself / your mind through using relationships and the positive feelings that accompanies it. Essentially identifying the ‘real self’, with the ‘real self’ being the ‘truth’ of yourself that you are suppressing / denying / ignoring by/through distracting yourself / your Mind with relationships / sex and the positive feelings that it produce. To be clear: I am not saying that it’s relationships that are the problem, nor am I saying that it is sex that is the problem - No, not at all. Relationships cannot exist without our participation. Sex cannot exist without our participation. So, relationships and sex is what it is based on what we make it to / create it to be. This is a fundamental point that many seem to miss as we have a knack for wanting to blame ‘the other’ / ‘the relationship’ / ‘the sex’ / ‘the money’ or something / someone else for what relationships / sex become – never actually stopping for a moment to ask: “But, who am I in relation to sex / relationships? What is my responsibility within what I participate in and create?” So, before we start the process of seeing / realising / understanding for self how we use / abuse relationships / sex to abdicate responsibility for who we are / our own minds and so how/what we live – let us have a look at the question: “Who am I in relation to sex / relationships? What is my responsibility within what I participate in and create?”

We have to question whether relationships and sex exist as it does in humanity today – where longstanding / worthwhile relationships of integrity, consideration, regard, respect, trust, intimacy etc. are far and few between, because the one lesson of who we are in regards to sex and relationships: has not yet been learned. So, relationships and sex has become somewhat demonic – but then again, we have to ask ourselves: is it that sex and relationships in-itself is ‘demonic’? No, it cannot be – because it is our very nature / who we are that creates relationships and sex. So, relationships and sex should be an extension and so a reflection of ourselves – our own creation. For many who have walked a process when it comes to relationships and sex can for a moment look at the past and the present and for yourself come to terms with the fact that what you see of what has become of you, the other, the relationship, the sex – is/has been your creation. Granted, it takes ‘two (or more) to tango’ – but we often in relationships blame and abdicate responsibility in some way or another, and do not reflect / introspect on why / how and what part you played in the relationship being / ending up the way it did. We simply move on the next…and the next…and the next ad nauseam.

This is the cycle we get caught up in, ‘looking for love’ – love encompassing all the positive feelings filled into one bowl within our Minds, where all the positive feelings we’re looking for / searching for from another / in a relationship / sex unites in our Minds / Bodies for a moment to be able to drive / motivate ourselves to just not have to look at ourselves, our problems / issues…our own Minds and what really goes on in there. So, ‘love’ – the search for it / yearning for it and how it preoccupies / possesses our minds, in fact functions as a distraction…a distraction from ourselves, our own minds / who we are. Obvious commonsense is: if you’re obsessed, in your mind, with ‘someone / something else’ ALL of the time (or most of the time) – together with the positive feelings that accompanies such obsession…then there is in fact no ‘space and time’ in one’s Mind to do real self-reflection / introspection as your mind is occupied with another (or many) all of the time. Many might in this moment have a look at this and go: “But, what would exist if I don’t think about love /relationships / sex all of the time?” – and here, we’ll get to explaining what it means to get to know the ‘real self’, what it means to for a moment in your life let go of the possession / obsession when it comes to sex / relationships and what it would mean to develop an agreement with another human being that is not based on you wanting to distract yourself from your own mind / problems / issues; but an agreement that would lead to the creation of relationships / sex on an EQUAL and ONE level – really CREATING a relationship, and not just FALLING into relationships / sex based on feeling energy that is driving / motivating you.

We’ll continue more in the next post.