Consciousness existing in LIFE, but is not LIFE itself: DAY 501

Please refer to THIS POST for full context and understanding of this Self Forgiveness process as walked by beings from Heaven / The Afterlife through the Portal

Separating oneself from the physical, the physical body, this physical universe – all that is matter: 

NOTE: the self forgiveness here is done in the process us beings walked within and during the opening of The Portal , stretching from 2004 / 2005 to today– sharing the timeline of what made us realise to stand in the principle of equality and oneness and truly understanding the meaning of responsibility and support unto self and all as self.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to, lifetime after lifetime – the moment after crossing over into the afterlife – NOT ONCE thank my physical body, this physical existence for seeing me through each lifetime.

Within this, I forgive myself that I within and throughout each lifetime – every evening before going to rest and every day upon awakening: did not exit and enter each day with deep gratitude and appreciation towards my physical body and this physical existence for its unconditional support, standing, giving, caring in the way of making life / being alive possible.

In fact, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give my body, this physical existence one iota of credence, honour, respect, love – unconditionally with looking back, throughout ALL my lifetimes, how I seldom ever even had a thought of consideration towards anything physical…

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I, within and throughout each and every single lifetime on this earth – inadvertently blamed my body, this physical existence, ‘life itself’, for my lifetime experiences I’d walk into. Essentially thinking / believing the body / physical / ‘life’ was responsible for my  most challenging, difficult, traumatic events, situations, phases and moments I’d endure. Not ever realizing, seeing and understanding it was ME, MYSELF & I creating and manifesting the lifetime consequence and experiences I’d face: my life a true mirror, a real time living experience reflection of WHO I AM as a being as my total self definition.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever see, realise and understand how many varying gods, deities, entities, spiritualities, movements, religions, opinions and beliefs I bowed down to – not realizing, seeing, and understand it was the PHYSICAL, this PHYSICAL EXISTENCE and myself together with all other beings in this EXISTENCE HERE, TOGETHER AS ONE AND AS EQUAL walking our life processes…that I should have been ‘blaming’ myself for being blinded and veiled within my own self separation and inequality for not living with the awareness of what’s real, here: myself, the physical and this physical existence. In this trinity of me and so everyone else equally as me – we all together created and manifested the outcome of the world and the collective and so the personal outcomes of our own and one another’s.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to partake in the audacious thought of “but why didn’t the physical nor this physical existence stand up for me???” – once again, looking and blaming OUT THERE instead of asking the questions we blame others for unto ourselves and asking ourselves “but why didn’t we stand up for ourselves, our awareness, the best of ourselves and why do we still continue not doing so, even in the smallest of moments when it comes to simple thought, emotion, feeling etc. participation???”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that while I was waiting and expecting the physical, this physical existence to save me, it has already been walking its process of self and life awareness, its self forgiveness and change process on the deep life source level. I have just not been privy to it because of my accepted and allowed participation in self inequality and separation…so while everything in this physical has been walking its process, I haven’t experienced and walked with because process doesn’t exist in inequality and separation, but here with awareness in the physical.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the physical, this physical existence, ‘life itself’ within and as everything that is PHYSICAL: was the one carrying my being, UNCONDITONALLY supporting my being, holding my being in the HANDS of the Physical as LIFE / God itself…but I was blinded to this fact due to separating me from myself into consciousness. With this one act of separation – I separated me from LIFE itself in the physical, this physical existence and so could not SEE direct, KNOW eternally and FEEL deeply the oneness and equality and in fact share with this existence and how I have always been the master, the creator of me, my life, my experiences, and the consequence I would endure / have to face.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how one such act of self separation / inequality from my being into the Mind Consciousness System as a whole (which is continuing to this day, in every moment I act upon self separation / inequality the instance I accept and allow myself to participate in a thought, emotion, feeling etc. – anything OF the Mind) how one such an act of self separation / inequality without asserting myself, my stand, my HERE when I notice and know, through and through – that I am with awareness accepting and allowing myself to participate in inequality and CHOOSE to not do anything about it when I know I can: is living proof of how we’ve CHOSEN to create and continue existing as consciousness separation and inequality and not with and as LIFE AWARENESS as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself – throughout all my lifetimes in this world and the next: choose consciousness before standing up for life as awareness as self, because of my own fear…rather remaining in captivity and ‘sticking to the program’ / living in the system than having the guts, courage and tenacity to stand alone, at first, and not give up in the name of and as life until all notice and see: if I can stand up, say NO MORE and CHANGE by CHOOSING LIFE as SELF AWARENESS EVERY MOMENT – so can you.

We’ll continue in the next post with opening the line of self forgiveness of why it is and has been ever so deliberate from each and all of us throughout our lifetimes, choosing to align with consciousness instead of life awareness – also proven by the extent to which we separated ourselves from the physical body, this physical existence and our equal and one responsibility unto ourselves and all.

Relationships: a Quick-Fix for Inner Chaos - DAY 489

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Eleven)

In the next post, I will continue with explaining the detail of how we’ve used suppression in the Mind and Body – why it is that everything we’ve suppressed in the Mind within/during a relationship comes rushing back the moment you realise the dependency is not in your world/reality anymore that you used to hold your suppressions in the Mind; and finally – how this influence our Minds and Physical Bodies. To within this, see / realise and understand the Potential we’re taking for granted in relation to the Mind and Body and our relationship with others, if we’d stop living in fear / hiding from our own Minds and start give ourselves the opportunity to start living and so creating ourselves and our relationship with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a ‘quick fix’ – where it’s been easier to feel something positive for someone, whether in my imaginations / fantasies and/or in reality, than it has been actually doing introspection into my own Mind and walking a process with myself and my relationship to the things in my Mind that I try and keep hidden from myself and so from others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to self honestly introspect this relationship between positive fantasies / imaginations of relationships and/or the initial physical experience of a relationship – having a look at how in a quantum moment I can construct an ‘idyllic fantasy / imagination’ in my Mind and/or bring up thoughts and feelings when it comes to my physical relationship with someone; yet – when it comes to the real things, the problems / issues / troubles inside myself / the Mind: I just as quickly suppress them / move them aside – refusing to really look into them and so look at myself. Where, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have been approaching both the negative and positive polarities inside of myself with ‘quick fixes’ – “QUICKLY” fantasizing / imagining a relationship, “QUICKLY” getting a relationship / sex and then “QUICKLY” suppressing / ignoring my emotions / problems / issues within myself.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take a moment for myself and in fact see, realise and understand how I have never given myself the space and time to really sort through myself, get to know myself and so understand myself – and in so doing, I have never given myself the space and the time to really ask myself what I want out of a relationship practically, how it would be creating a relationship, living together, establishing short-term and long-term goals and of course merging my vision with that of my partner – both equally, actively participating in individual as well as collective growth as we use the relationship as a platform from which we support ourselves and each other to learn, develop and expand in who we are and how/what we live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take such a quick-fix approach to the relationship with myself, my Mind and so others in my life – never putting in the time, patience and understanding; especially the EFFORT to actually walk with myself, my life and others; not seeing, realising and understanding how this has led to a form of conflict and chaos existing inside myself and my relationships, where most of the time I do not understand why / how I think things, say things and do things towards myself and others that I can see sabotage / compromise me and others. In this, I then try / attempt to find ways / methods to ‘deal with / handle and/or just get through’ the conflict and chaos that is existent in my mind, relationships and life in general.

Where, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that most of the conflict / chaos inside myself – is existent because I do not in fact know myself and understand myself in relation to how the Mind / Consciousness operates / functions; because all I do is suppress everything / cover it up in some way or another, not seeing / realising and understanding how all these / such suppressions eventually manifest into the unconscious mind and becomes a backdrop of information / data that seeps through into my conscious-reality and accordingly affects my thoughts, words and deeds that will infiltrate my world and my relationship with others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand – with investigating and introspecting my relationship to fantasies/imaginations of relationships / ‘real-life relationships’ that: I was all this time expecting the relationship to alleviate the chaos / conflict existent within me / my mind; when time and time again it was proven that relationships cannot be for me – what I am supposed to be for myself. In this, I commit myself to assist and support myself, to give myself the space and time to sort through myself, get to know and so understand the chaos / conflict so that I can assist and support myself to approach relationships as a platform for personal growth and expansion, finding out what it means to really create a life with another, rather than a ‘quick fix platform’ with the starting point of hope that another can save me from myself.

I will in the next post continue more with how suppression influence our Minds and Bodies and so affects our words and behaviour and what we create and so experience in our relationship with others.

Relationships are the Light that Shines Away the Darkness of Me - DAY 488

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Ten)

In the next post we’ll open up more dimensions of the consequence that fear of loneliness / being alone manifest within relationships – how such a fear can compromise self and one’s relationship with another. Then finally – what is the solution to such a fear and how would self change and so one’s relationship with another change with taking responsibility for such thoughts and emotions.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I have used and abused both my Mind and Body – to hide from myself, from the things I reacted to negatively / emotionally, from the things that I was afraid to confront, from the things I believed I could not handle, from the things I did not understand, from the things I gave up on about myself and my life and from the things I refused to admit exists within me. With fear of being alone and the emotional experience of loneliness being no exception – as this fear and emotional experience connected to being alone / lonely is one such thing that exists within me that I was trying to suppress within me by using my Mind to cover it up with positive feelings / experiences that I believed only a relationship / someone else could give me.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how the more I covered up and hid such fears / emotional experiences – the more they became repressed into the depths of my physical body, as far and as deep as possible. Yet within this not seeing/realising and understanding that “I can hide, but I can’t run” from myself and that eventually, such suppression of fears / emotions would contribute to the moment of shock, trauma and stress I embody on a mental and physical level when/as a loved one suddenly dies / I am separated from them by circumstance.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self honest with me when it came to my relationship with alone / lonely and the emotional energy I attached to such words as ideas within my Mind, especially when it came to the fact that I was suppressing such ideas and emotions by using either my Fantasies / the reality of my relationship with someone to ensure that such ideas and their emotions do not seep through into my Conscious reality – but remains hidden from myself as I for a moment bask in the delight of Fantasies and/or Reality when it comes to relationships – shining a light into my own Mind and World to ensure the reality of the darkness only just beyond the light of positive feelings / experience remains as far back and far away from my Conscious reality as possible.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I have used Fantasies / the Reality of a Relationship as a light switch – the moment I fantasize about relationships, a light goes on that shifts the darkness of my fears and emotional experiences farther back into my Mind and Body and/or the moment I have a relationship in reality – the light STAYS ON, because now I have a constant ‘light’ in my Mind and my World that ensures the darkness of my fears and emotional experiences in my Mind stays as far back and deep in my Mind and Body as possible.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how my fear of being alone and the emotional experience of loneliness – contribute to the moment of shock, trauma and stress when a ‘loved one’ / ‘person close to me’ suddenly dies / am separated from them by circumstance – where, I was not aware of the extent to which I suppressed this fear within me and in that moment the separation from such a person manifested: the fears that I have suppressed into the deepest, darkest corners of my mind and being came rushing back.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how my dependency on another person as being my ‘light’ to shine away the darkness of my own Mind / World – only made matters worse for myself; because with every beginning there is an end; and when/as this person was lost from my mind and from my world – the light switch of positive energy / experiences and sensations went off and I was left alone with myself – no more ‘light’ to cover up the darkness, the fears, the emotions I suppressed and repressed in my Mind and Body; and so they all came rushing back in that one moment of realising the light in my Mind and World is not there anymore – and once again I was where I had been before: alone with me and everything that defined ‘me’ before I started the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for so long try and ‘hide’ from the things I reacted to negatively / emotionally, from the things that I was afraid to confront, from the things I believed I could not handle, from the things I did not understand, from the things I gave up on about myself and my life and from the things I refused to admit exists within me when it came to the relationship with me, my Mind and what goes on inside of me. Especially within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships and/or the fantasies thereof to hide from myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand myself, to understand the things I fear / react to inside myself, to take responsibility for the things I do not want to admit exists within me, to stand up from the things I gave up on within myself and my life and to find perspective, commonsense and clarity on the things I reacted to emotionally. To no more use / abuse my Mind and Body to suppress the darkness of me, to no more use / abuse Relationships as a place in this world to continue hiding from myself – but to make a stand within me, in my relationship to my own Mind – walk into the darkness and sort myself out with the tools of writing, self forgiveness and practical application, so that my relationship with myself, my body and so others in my world / reality can be / become more than just places I’ve used to hide within – but find/discover who I am if I walk through my own fears and learn what it means to create with the potential I have in relation to my Mind, Body and others in my world  /reality.

In the next post, I will continue with explaining the detail of how we’ve used suppression in the Mind and Body – why it is that everything we’ve suppressed in the Mind within/during a relationship comes rushing back the moment you realise the dependency is not in your world/reality anymore that you used to hold your suppressions in the Mind; and finally – how this influence our Minds and Physical Bodies. To within this, see / realise and understand the Potential we’re taking for granted in relation to the Mind and Body and our relationship with others, if we’d stop living in fear / hiding from our own Minds and start give ourselves the opportunity to start living and so creating ourselves and our relationship with others.