Thank you for Supporting me to Understand Self Honesty: DAY 499

A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel (Part 3)

In the next post, I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and “Thank you for showing me what it means to know myself, to understand myself”…

Also expanding more on how – with ‘losing yourself in moments’, such moments are opportunities to LEARN about yourself, to UNDERSTAND yourself as the Mind and so opportunities to grow, develop and expand your awareness even more…

Before I continue with the next two dedications, I would like to expand on the point of ‘losing yourself in moments’ in thoughts and emotions in your Mind, which I discussed in the previous blog.

Understand, you will ‘lose’ yourself in moments, this happens in the process of understanding the Mind – especially when you’re facing new thought- / reaction-patterns you haven’t yet faced / dealt with inside your Mind. Such ‘new’ things will often rise up from deeper dimensions in your mind / body. Process is like walking through layers within yourself, the moment you’ve walked through one layer, the next layer beneath it opens up and is it opens up…Pandora’s box reveals itself as the new thoughts / emotions and dimensions in your consciousness unveils itself, which often comes up quite intensely, overwhelming one in moments. So, even though you reach a point in your process / awareness where you’re able to direct mind constructs and energies effectively, it does so happen that points inside yourself ‘creep up’ unexpectedly and ‘catch you off-guard’; before you know it – you’re overwhelmed by thoughts / emotions and many other things inside yourself. When this happens – this represents a ‘new process’ inside yourself that’s emerging, but you’ll find you will be able to ground yourself, stabilise yourself much faster and introspect / investigate the new dimensions of thoughts / emotions to deal with / face and change within yourself.

The ‘problem’ only comes in when you continue doing the same thing over and over and not learn from it that it becomes deliberate – ‘cause you KNOW where a certain train of thought and reactions will lead you, yet do nothing to change it…and cycle in the same pattern over and over again. So, in such instances – best to identify why you’re ‘deliberately’ losing yourself in alternate realities and reactions in your Mind, assist and support yourself to stop and change these cycles…because only you can do it for yourself, no one else is existing in your own Mind but you.

However, there does come a time…in the future of one’s process, where one even stop being able to be ‘caught off-guard’ by your own mind. This is when you reach the quantum physical / physical dimensions of your process after having walked the conscious, subconscious, unconscious and quantum mind. Where you’re able to be aware of thoughts / energies trying to come up / move from within your mind / body and already stop participation before they come into creation. So, there’s still quite an fascinating process of awareness ahead when it comes to getting to know / understanding your own mind and body and the relationship between the two!

Let’s continue with the dedications:

“Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty”

Self honesty has been the most empowering, yet frightening thing I have faced within this process. In the beginning of my process – I struggled with the difference between ‘honesty’ and ‘self honesty’. I initially thought I had to be ‘honest’ with ‘everyone else’ – to always ‘speak my MIND’, speak exactly what I think and feel and this obviously coming from my initial starting point of believing ‘all that I am is my thoughts and emotions’. However, I had come to understand an interesting thing within my process when looking at the following question: “how can you really be ‘honest’ with everyone else, if you have not been honest with yourSELF? How can you understand what ‘speaking the truth’ means, if you have not been truthful with yourSELF? What does it mean to be honest with SELF, truthful with SELF?”

‘Speaking my Mind’ more often than not got me into a bit of trouble, speaking my thoughts as they came up and speaking the exact detail of my emotions and feelings; especially WHILE I was in thoughts and emotions…so I would literally ‘speak my Mind in real time, in the moment, immediately’. Most people did not respond well to this. So, I literally took ‘honesty’ as I understood it then – to the extreme. All it ended up leading to was creating more conflict inside myself and my relationships with other people – ‘honesty’ in no way brought me, nor my relationship with others to understanding, realisation, growth and expansion…

Now, some would think this to be a ‘commendable trait’ – being fearless to speak one’s Mind, which is also often termed to be ‘speaking the truth’. However – with understanding the difference between self honesty and honesty…one will understand how our current perception / definition of honesty epitomizes the separation from SELF we accept and allow in our relationship with the Mind, our thoughts and emotions/feelings. So, what I had come to learn about self honesty, the difference between this and honesty is already obvious when looking at the words: SELF honesty and honesty. With honesty – SELF is missing. Now, what does this mean? More importantly – why can Self Forgiveness only be applied within Self Honesty to really have an effect on one’s process of self change, self realisation and self expansion within this process from Consciousness to Awareness?

In the next post, I will continue with explaining how Self Forgiveness supported me to understand and face Self Honesty. Also, why ‘honesty’ still only keeps you locked into Consciousness – whereas Self Honesty expands your Awareness to be able to take that step back in your own Mind in relation to your own thoughts and emotions, to be able to understand how exactly your own mind, you within your own Mind operate…so, really – understanding Self Honesty through Self Forgiveness was an important key within my process from Consciousness to Awareness and breaking through the idea/belief I held of myself as ‘only being my thoughts and emotions’…when there’s in fact been so much more to me, to who I am and so each one of us.

Furthermore, I will share examples to illustrate the difference between self honesty and honesty – showing how self honesty leads to understanding and solutions, with honesty – more often than not leading to further friction / conflict…

Relationships: a Quick-Fix for Inner Chaos - DAY 489

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Eleven)

In the next post, I will continue with explaining the detail of how we’ve used suppression in the Mind and Body – why it is that everything we’ve suppressed in the Mind within/during a relationship comes rushing back the moment you realise the dependency is not in your world/reality anymore that you used to hold your suppressions in the Mind; and finally – how this influence our Minds and Physical Bodies. To within this, see / realise and understand the Potential we’re taking for granted in relation to the Mind and Body and our relationship with others, if we’d stop living in fear / hiding from our own Minds and start give ourselves the opportunity to start living and so creating ourselves and our relationship with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a ‘quick fix’ – where it’s been easier to feel something positive for someone, whether in my imaginations / fantasies and/or in reality, than it has been actually doing introspection into my own Mind and walking a process with myself and my relationship to the things in my Mind that I try and keep hidden from myself and so from others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to self honestly introspect this relationship between positive fantasies / imaginations of relationships and/or the initial physical experience of a relationship – having a look at how in a quantum moment I can construct an ‘idyllic fantasy / imagination’ in my Mind and/or bring up thoughts and feelings when it comes to my physical relationship with someone; yet – when it comes to the real things, the problems / issues / troubles inside myself / the Mind: I just as quickly suppress them / move them aside – refusing to really look into them and so look at myself. Where, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have been approaching both the negative and positive polarities inside of myself with ‘quick fixes’ – “QUICKLY” fantasizing / imagining a relationship, “QUICKLY” getting a relationship / sex and then “QUICKLY” suppressing / ignoring my emotions / problems / issues within myself.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take a moment for myself and in fact see, realise and understand how I have never given myself the space and time to really sort through myself, get to know myself and so understand myself – and in so doing, I have never given myself the space and the time to really ask myself what I want out of a relationship practically, how it would be creating a relationship, living together, establishing short-term and long-term goals and of course merging my vision with that of my partner – both equally, actively participating in individual as well as collective growth as we use the relationship as a platform from which we support ourselves and each other to learn, develop and expand in who we are and how/what we live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take such a quick-fix approach to the relationship with myself, my Mind and so others in my life – never putting in the time, patience and understanding; especially the EFFORT to actually walk with myself, my life and others; not seeing, realising and understanding how this has led to a form of conflict and chaos existing inside myself and my relationships, where most of the time I do not understand why / how I think things, say things and do things towards myself and others that I can see sabotage / compromise me and others. In this, I then try / attempt to find ways / methods to ‘deal with / handle and/or just get through’ the conflict and chaos that is existent in my mind, relationships and life in general.

Where, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that most of the conflict / chaos inside myself – is existent because I do not in fact know myself and understand myself in relation to how the Mind / Consciousness operates / functions; because all I do is suppress everything / cover it up in some way or another, not seeing / realising and understanding how all these / such suppressions eventually manifest into the unconscious mind and becomes a backdrop of information / data that seeps through into my conscious-reality and accordingly affects my thoughts, words and deeds that will infiltrate my world and my relationship with others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand – with investigating and introspecting my relationship to fantasies/imaginations of relationships / ‘real-life relationships’ that: I was all this time expecting the relationship to alleviate the chaos / conflict existent within me / my mind; when time and time again it was proven that relationships cannot be for me – what I am supposed to be for myself. In this, I commit myself to assist and support myself, to give myself the space and time to sort through myself, get to know and so understand the chaos / conflict so that I can assist and support myself to approach relationships as a platform for personal growth and expansion, finding out what it means to really create a life with another, rather than a ‘quick fix platform’ with the starting point of hope that another can save me from myself.

I will in the next post continue more with how suppression influence our Minds and Bodies and so affects our words and behaviour and what we create and so experience in our relationship with others.

The Physical-Motion and E(energy/mind)-Motion of Process: DAY 475

I the other day, explained the following example to an individual that will give perspective of ‘process’ and also give perspective of why/how it is that one ‘sometimes feel stable’ and at other times overwhelmed when it comes to the Mind:

Imagine a HUGE round see-through ball that is rolling down a path, with this path winding and sometimes going up and other times going down with lots of obstacles, such as rocks / fallen trees / holes. Now Imagine in that huge round see-through ball there are LOTS of smaller balls floating in a stable position. These balls you can make all sorts of different colours. Then on the smaller balls, Imagine that you see small doors as though the doors on the small balls can be opened and you go inside of them. Now Imagine that you see all the doors on the small balls facing forward towards the path the huge ball is standing on.

So, the small balls with the doors represent points in the Mind that one has to face, with the huge ball representing your physical body and the path with all the obstacles representing the process we walk in our lifetime with facing ourselves as the mind and also the manifested-consequence we have already created in our lives through the mind. Obviously here to consider that such a “path of our lives” is but an experience – physically, we’re always in this reality physically stable. We create the “experience” of ups and downs and winding roads through the MIND.

Now Imagine that you start seeing the huge ball roll along the path and as the huge ball moves in a forward-motion, at the same time, all the smaller balls moves in a forward-motion; but: all the smaller balls are moving forward in different speeds.

Let’s say, the huge ball rolls into a hole and at the same time as the huge ball rolls into a hole – that very moment, one of the smaller-ball’s doors had rolled in such a way where the door was facing forward towards the path, but is now facing inward. The moment the door on the ball faces inwards – it opens up to reveal, for example, thoughts / emotions / behaviour patterns. What this illustrates is the following: As one is walking one’s process – day-to-day, this is the path one walks. Then, as one walk the day – a moment happens with a person, a conflict for example; which would represent the hole in the path. As the moment of conflict opens up, as the ball rolled into the hole: specific thoughts/reactions/behaviour patterns will come to the fore that “activates” – showing things about self, in the Mind, that has to be faced. This being the same as the moment one of the small ball’s doors opened up the exact moment the ball rolled into the hole.

Now, one of two things can happen in such moments: the moment the point within self opens up as one is confronted with a challenge within one’s world / reality (as when the door of the small ball opens the moment the larger ball rolls into the hole) – one will either face oneself and change OR the point will return in the Mind/Self to be faced at a later stage. However, there is a consequence to the point returning to the Mind/Self to be faced at a later stage: if one ‘miss a point’ – an additional ‘layer’ is added to the point in the Mind and everything that it consists of. An additional layer, meaning: the thoughts / backchats and energy reactions of the Mind pattern will become ever so slightly emphasized so that the next time one face the point again – the experience of the point will be even more difficult in the Mind.

If we look at it from the example of the balls: as the small ball’s door opens up the moment the larger ball rolls into the hole and one do not face the mind-pattern that the smaller ball represents – the door will close and the small ball will increase in size. If one did face the mind pattern (or content of the small ball) – every time one apply oneself to change, when a mind pattern emerge (or a small ball’s door opens up): the small ball will decrease in size as the mind pattern becomes less and less intense / overwhelming. With remaining constant and consistent with one’s practical application and change with facing mind patterns in real-time – the mind pattern will slowly but surely disappear as you are no longer feeding / validating the mind pattern, but standing by and committing to your self change.

We’ll continue more in the next post with how to practically assist and support oneself when missing point in one’s real-time application. Also, how – even though, when missing points, the points to become more intense / overwhelming: it is in fact a ‘gift in disguise’.