How we use Relationships to Suppress the ‘Real Self’ (Part Two): DAY 485

The Moment of Shock

  

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Seven)

In the next post and posts to come – we will continue with the Self Forgiveness Process, focusing on that initial real purpose for/of relationship, what Negative things were covered up / suppressed by the Positive things experienced / that was dependent on the relationship and how this creates MENTAL-RELATIONSHIPS, and what would REAL PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIPS be if/as our starting point for relationships was not based on emotional/feeling energy, but two individuals walking / living as EQUALS.

To reference a section from the previous post:

This is why we have a TOTAL mental and physical break-down that happens; because the ‘positive energy injections’ that for so long suppressed our real, true self experience is no more there and we are once more confronted and left with our ‘real selves’ that is almost ‘too much to take / handle’.

The process that we’re going to be walking now is an example-process of how you can practically assist and support yourself to identify what problems / issues you’re suppressing within yourself / your mind through using relationships and the positive feelings that accompanies it. Essentially identifying the ‘real self’, with the ‘real self’ being the ‘truth’ of yourself that you are suppressing / denying / ignoring by/through distracting yourself / your Mind with relationships / sex and the positive feelings that it produce. To be clear: I am not saying that it’s relationships that are the problem, nor am I saying that it is sex that is the problem - No, not at all. Relationships cannot exist without our participation. Sex cannot exist without our participation. So, relationships and sex is what it is based on what we make it to / create it to be. This is a fundamental point that many seem to miss as we have a knack for wanting to blame ‘the other’ / ‘the relationship’ / ‘the sex’ / ‘the money’ or something / someone else for what relationships / sex become – never actually stopping for a moment to ask: “But, who am I in relation to sex / relationships? What is my responsibility within what I participate in and create?” So, before we start the process of seeing / realising / understanding for self how we use / abuse relationships / sex to abdicate responsibility for who we are / our own minds and so how/what we live – let us have a look at the question: “Who am I in relation to sex / relationships? What is my responsibility within what I participate in and create?”

We have to question whether relationships and sex exist as it does in humanity today – where longstanding / worthwhile relationships of integrity, consideration, regard, respect, trust, intimacy etc. are far and few between, because the one lesson of who we are in regards to sex and relationships: has not yet been learned. So, relationships and sex has become somewhat demonic – but then again, we have to ask ourselves: is it that sex and relationships in-itself is ‘demonic’? No, it cannot be – because it is our very nature / who we are that creates relationships and sex. So, relationships and sex should be an extension and so a reflection of ourselves – our own creation. For many who have walked a process when it comes to relationships and sex can for a moment look at the past and the present and for yourself come to terms with the fact that what you see of what has become of you, the other, the relationship, the sex – is/has been your creation. Granted, it takes ‘two (or more) to tango’ – but we often in relationships blame and abdicate responsibility in some way or another, and do not reflect / introspect on why / how and what part you played in the relationship being / ending up the way it did. We simply move on the next…and the next…and the next ad nauseam.

This is the cycle we get caught up in, ‘looking for love’ – love encompassing all the positive feelings filled into one bowl within our Minds, where all the positive feelings we’re looking for / searching for from another / in a relationship / sex unites in our Minds / Bodies for a moment to be able to drive / motivate ourselves to just not have to look at ourselves, our problems / issues…our own Minds and what really goes on in there. So, ‘love’ – the search for it / yearning for it and how it preoccupies / possesses our minds, in fact functions as a distraction…a distraction from ourselves, our own minds / who we are. Obvious commonsense is: if you’re obsessed, in your mind, with ‘someone / something else’ ALL of the time (or most of the time) – together with the positive feelings that accompanies such obsession…then there is in fact no ‘space and time’ in one’s Mind to do real self-reflection / introspection as your mind is occupied with another (or many) all of the time. Many might in this moment have a look at this and go: “But, what would exist if I don’t think about love /relationships / sex all of the time?” – and here, we’ll get to explaining what it means to get to know the ‘real self’, what it means to for a moment in your life let go of the possession / obsession when it comes to sex / relationships and what it would mean to develop an agreement with another human being that is not based on you wanting to distract yourself from your own mind / problems / issues; but an agreement that would lead to the creation of relationships / sex on an EQUAL and ONE level – really CREATING a relationship, and not just FALLING into relationships / sex based on feeling energy that is driving / motivating you.

We’ll continue more in the next post.

How we use Relationships to Suppress the ‘Real Self’: DAY 484

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Six)

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how we in fact develop more ‘mental relationships’ with others, than actual real, physical relationships – where our relationship with others is more based on how the other ‘makes you feel’ / ‘not feel’ than actual real communication, expansion / growth in relation to who we are as individuals within/as our behaviour / living.

Before we continue with the Self Forgiveness process – let me clarify / explain the difference between ‘Mental Relationships’ and ‘Physical Relationships’:

If you have a look at the relationships you’ve had: all the words, behaviours are geared to initiate feelings in each other – making each other feel loved, special, appreciated, cared for, secure, safe, stable and the list can go on. You can for yourself have a look at what you do for your partner / what your partner does for you and HOW exactly it is done to make you / them FEEL something. So, we’re in relationships playing this game with FEELINGS – is this really all that relationships are about??? This is what I mean with ‘mental relationships’ – we play MIND GAMES with each other and with ourselves, playing on each other’s and our own emotions / feelings. Both trying to, essentially, maintain a ‘happiness’ – keeping each other ‘happy’. It’s like feelings becomes this drug that both parties need to inject into each other through words / behaviour over and over and over again just to let each other know “hey, I still love you” – there is not this constant knowing / understanding / standing between the two, this ABSOLUTE certainty that the relationship is solid, there is never ABSOLUTE trust within/between the individuals that they’re committed to each other – because both have to constantly and continuously ‘remind’ themselves and each other that the relationship is still “good / okay” by playing with each other’s feelings.

So, what’s really going on behind this all? If you have a look at ‘mainstream relationships’ – of constantly having to remind each other that the relationship is still ‘good / okay / going strong’; when there is a change in one or the other – not saying “I love you” enough, not DOING enough to entice ‘good feelings’ in the mind/body where the injection of the ‘positive energy drug’ through words and behaviour become less and less: what emerge in the minds of individuals is insecurity, fear, jealousy, isolation, separation, loneliness, loss – all these ‘negative’ thoughts and emotions starts coming up in the back of the Mind. What this is showing is: as long as the individuals in relationships keep ‘activating’ positive feelings/experiences in each other through words and behaviour – the negative emotions/experiences are suppressed. They must be in ‘suppression’ within/during the initial beginning stages of the relationship, because as soon as the ‘positive feelings/experiences’ stop being activated…WHAM, the negative emotions/experiences come to the fore. So, this brings to question the actual nature and starting point as REASON / PURPOSE for relationships and how this nature / starting point contribute to the compromising effects the loss / separation of / from a ‘loved one’ has on us mentally as well as physically.

If you self honestly have a look at relationships – what fuels it is the starting point of ‘fear of loneliness’ / ‘fear of growing old alone’ / ‘fear of not experiencing ‘love / sex’’ / being incomplete/unfulfilled / unsatisfied / no passion / no ‘reason to live’ – so, essentially, what is important for you to investigate is the very starting point / nature of WHY you desire relationships. Because in this – you are going to find, for yourself, what relationships has been ‘giving TO you’ that you haven’t given/gifted to yourself. What you are going to find is what you have been depending on relationships for, to fulfil / complete / make whole within yourself – which you haven’t done for yourself. So, if our starting point for relationships is the NEGATIVE – where we are expecting / depending on the relationship / the other to suppress the things we’re trying to ‘make better’ / ‘not have to deal with’ / not have to experience / face inside our Minds, then we’re looking at the principle of “if you know the beginning –you know the end”. Meaning: with the relationships’ very PURPOSE being for us to ‘get away from’ our actual negative emotions / experiences, to SUPPRESS these things – it will eventually COME BACK, RE-EMERGE; because we have NEVER in fact DEALT with the emotions / negative experiences. The relationship only SUPPRESSED them all. Then, when the time comes where the relationship breaks off – through death / separation, EVERYTHING we suppressed within/during the relationship comes back and it comes back with a vengeance which affects us mentally and physically. This is why we have like a TOTAL mental and physical break-down that happens; because the ‘positive energy injections’ that for so long suppressed our real, true self experience is no more there and we are once more confronted and left with our ‘real selves’ that is almost ‘too much to take / handle’.

In the next post and posts to come – we will continue with the Self Forgiveness Process, focusing on that initial real purpose for/of relationship, what Negative things were covered up / suppressed by the Positive things experienced / that was dependent on the relationship and how this creates MENTAL-RELATIONSHIPS, and what would REAL PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIPS be if/as our starting point for relationships was not based on emotional/feeling energy, but two individuals walking / living as EQUALS.

Fear of Commitment (Part Two): DAY 440

I will not let ‘my Want’ take over ‘my Will’ (Part 4)

Solution

We’re within the walking of the relationship between Want and Will – also facing the Dimension of Commitment. When you ‘choose’ your Wants over the Decision to Live Self-Will: you are making a commitment to your wants, to your Mind. If you make a Decision to stand by/with and Live your Will: you are making a commitment to you. So, again – here, the problem in itself is not Commitment, nor is it the Fear thereof. It cannot be, because commitment doesn’t stand alone, it’s not this externalized force influencing you. Who/what substantiates and so defines and lives the word Commitment is: ‘who we are’, it is in fact Ourselves. Commitment remains commitment, but what will create the consequence of how the word is defined and so lived – is who we are in and as the Word. Therefore, if we can commit to ‘wanting our Wants’ – why not commit to ‘living Self Will’? If we can commit to our Minds…then we are able to commit to ourselves, to the physical, to life.

Many may for example in this moment say: “I’m not COMMITTING to my Mind, my Wants…it’s just who I am, how I’ve been, it’s Natural. I don’t even know what ‘Committing to my Mind/Wants even means! This is ridiculous!” Have a look: Every moment you participate in thought, every moment you give into reactions, every moment you speak words intentionally and deliberately where you know it is going to cause harm/consequence – are moments you are committing to the Mind, to your Wants. In moments where you want something that you know will compromise a relationship, a friend, a family member or get you into trouble – is a moment where you make a choice, a commitment to ‘getting your own wants in your own Mind’ – committing to putting the mind/wants BEFORE consideration/regard of others/your life/consequence. Commitment is an action, it’s a choice/decision that is acted upon/lived out – either in the Mind or in Reality. The difference between why it seems so natural in the Mind/in relationship to our wants – is because we’ve always done it, it’s the choice, the action of participating/living out the Mind/it’s wants that’s become so ‘easy/natural’; which in turn is why we don’t “obviously SEE” the commitment. Because, as I’ve explained: commitment takes an allowance/permission and then the choice/action to stick to/live out the commitment. Therefore, with our allowance/permission of participating in the mind/giving into reactions being so automated, seemingly natural and so immediate in choice/action: is why we don’t even realise how we’re in fact every time committing to the Mind. Therefore, making the decision to change one’s commitment to self, to a better self, way of life/living – not only for self/for all, is going to be a process of deliberately, in awareness, in moments sticking to/standing by this commitment – making that decision, and living that decision for a changed self/life.

So, bringing the point of Want and Will, as well as Commitment together – we have to consider the following: Are we not, then, fully committing to a change that we know will contribute to ourselves/life on earth for the better – only because we feel it does not serve our Wants, our Self Interest? Surely must be, because it’s obvious that we only would not want to change/commit to change, even despite knowing the betterment of it – if ‘there’s something else we want, need, desire, want to do/achieve which we believe we can only do/have/achieve “MY WAY” and so will give up a better self/life – not only for self, but for all, just so that one can have that one/few wants, needs and desires. Because, within us – a part of us knows that, we have to compromise, deceive, sabotage, lie, be secretive, manipulate –hold onto the ENTIRE Mind, ALL our personalities to achieve/get/have that one/few WANTS. We believe that a TOTAL better self/life – for self and for all, will mean that “I will not get MY WANT MY WAY”…this is frightening to face, to look at. Many will try and deny this, but we in fact do it most of the time, every time we indulge in imaginations, in backchats that are detrimental to ourselves, our integrity and relationship to others – we say “this moment I want MY WANT MY WAY”, instead of being the ‘better person that we know we can be’ and use that moment to change ourselves, to change how we see, how we react, how we approach a moment/relationship.

So, we’ll continue in the next post with having a look at what it says about ourselves with accepting/allowing our WANTS, in the small and big scales – to have precedence over our will, our commonsense, our integrity regarding who we are as a person within ourselves, and questioning whether the point is in fact about ‘fear of commitment’ or is that simply the ‘nice way we’ve found to hide the truth’: we’re putting our wants/desires before what would best for ourselves and life on earth?