A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel (Part 2): DAY 498
In the next post I
will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost”, “Thank
you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and many more,
to assist and support with understanding how the relationship you develop with
yourself through Self Forgiveness and doing it genuinely, within self honesty assists
and supports with discovering parts of yourself only you can gift to yourself
through the tool of Self ForGIFTness
Thank you for
supporting me to realise I’m not lost
In the beginning of my process, becoming aware of my Mind,
the thoughts and emotions - it was like everything intensified, could become so
overwhelming where it felt like I was underneath waves crashing down on me with
no opportunity to come up and breathe for air, not knowing what’s up, down,
left or right inside myself. It is initially a shock when you become aware of
how much you think and the extent to which thoughts generate emotions /
feelings inside yourself…but at the same time, with understanding that it only
seems so intense / overwhelming because you were never AWARE of / never LOOKED at your own thoughts / emotions
– so, now with directly looking at them, it’s like you start seeing your
thoughts and emotions everywhere within you, all of the time…
Sometimes within this experience inside myself, especially
when I would be THINKING too much about something / someone and not actually
write it out to look at it more constructively…I would very easily get lost in
my thoughts and emotions. Lost meaning, where – I ‘forget’ to forgive myself, ‘forget’
to write it out, ‘forget’ to take a moment to breathe. So ‘losing myself’ in
this context means where I lose that part of myself, my awareness to stabilise
myself inside, to ground myself, to quiet myself as I spiral myself, my
awareness into my thoughts and emotions into the experience of crying it out,
collapsing on the bed crying, bundling up into a ball crying…like making myself
‘fall’ inside myself and completely giving into my thoughts and emotions. Then,
once I cried out all the emotions and released all the energy inside myself
through crying…the energy veil would drop, I would breathe and then look at the
situation, speak to someone, talk it out and
come to realise everything was not ‘the end of the world’ or as bad as my
thoughts / emotions made it out to be.
Then, I would look back and ask myself “why didn’t I just
breathe, forgive and let go from the BEGINNING?!?!?” I in the end ‘found myself’
again, ‘came back to myself’ once the emotions settled…so, why put myself
through all that, all the intense, overwhelming, whirlwind thoughts and
emotions and crying / collapsing when I could prevent that by just from the
get-go breathe, forgive and ground/stabilise myself? So, we can lose ourselves
for MOMENTS in thoughts / emotions the longer we stay in them, but we’re never “lost”
– a part of our awareness is always present throughout it all…I realised that I
just didn’t make the decision, I just didn’t move myself the MOMENT the
thoughts and emotions started escalating inside myself to stop for a moment, to
breathe, to forgive and then write it out / speak it out within someone.
So, after a couple of times of ‘losing and finding’ myself
in this way, I HAD ENOUGH!!! and applied the principle of prevention to –
whenever the thoughts / emotions started building inside myself, MOVE MYSELF to
stop, to breathe, to FORGIVE the emotions and so settle myself / my awareness
within myself and instead DIRECT the points inside myself with writing /
speaking about it. This ‘movement’ of myself is where I in a moment REMIND
myself “if I don’t breathe and forgive NOW…this is going to escalate and I am
going to put myself through unnecessary turmoil”. So, it’s either me with AWARENESS
releasing the emotions BEFORE they go out of control and build up inside myself
to the point of losing myself inside myself for a moment…or the emotions take
over and release themselves eventually through crying / collapsing inside
myself…both directions eventually leading to the same outcome: I return to
myself. So, I much rather direct myself with awareness, with forgiveness in the
beginning than accepting and allowing myself to put myself through unnecessary
turmoil…
Granted, there were moments and still are where I face
thoughts and intense emotions that take over in a moment, so fast that it
caught me ‘off-guard’ inside myself, but even though this happened – because I
have practised in my Awareness so much, I can stop, breathe and forgive while I
am in overwhelming thoughts / emotions…so it never got to the point where I
would ‘lose myself for a moment’…my Awareness would be here, intact within
myself – even able to immediately stop, breathe, forgive and direct in
overwhelming turmoil of thoughts and emotions.
This is how self forgiveness and the application thereof
assisted and supported me to be stable and grounded inside myself, even though
things may seem impossible / lost, because a trust develops within yourself
where you know that no matter what you’re facing, you’ll guide yourself through
it and understand it and be able to resolve it within yourself through having
yourself, your ‘guide’
as Self Forgiveness. Most importantly, how my writing, speaking and
application of Self Forgiveness made me realise that I can stand in such a way
within myself where I am not a victim to my own thoughts and emotions, I don’t
have to ‘lose’ myself inside myself – I can stand up and direct my own thoughts
and emotions in such way where it does not compromise me, what I experience,
what I say and do.
In the next post, I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self
honesty” and “Thank you for showing
me what it means to know myself, to understand myself”…
Also expanding more on how – with ‘losing yourself in
moments’, such moments are opportunities to LEARN about yourself, to UNDERSTAND
yourself as the Mind and so opportunities to grow, develop and expand your
awareness even more…
