Thank you for Supporting me to Understand Self Honesty: DAY 499

A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel (Part 3)

In the next post, I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and “Thank you for showing me what it means to know myself, to understand myself”…

Also expanding more on how – with ‘losing yourself in moments’, such moments are opportunities to LEARN about yourself, to UNDERSTAND yourself as the Mind and so opportunities to grow, develop and expand your awareness even more…

Before I continue with the next two dedications, I would like to expand on the point of ‘losing yourself in moments’ in thoughts and emotions in your Mind, which I discussed in the previous blog.

Understand, you will ‘lose’ yourself in moments, this happens in the process of understanding the Mind – especially when you’re facing new thought- / reaction-patterns you haven’t yet faced / dealt with inside your Mind. Such ‘new’ things will often rise up from deeper dimensions in your mind / body. Process is like walking through layers within yourself, the moment you’ve walked through one layer, the next layer beneath it opens up and is it opens up…Pandora’s box reveals itself as the new thoughts / emotions and dimensions in your consciousness unveils itself, which often comes up quite intensely, overwhelming one in moments. So, even though you reach a point in your process / awareness where you’re able to direct mind constructs and energies effectively, it does so happen that points inside yourself ‘creep up’ unexpectedly and ‘catch you off-guard’; before you know it – you’re overwhelmed by thoughts / emotions and many other things inside yourself. When this happens – this represents a ‘new process’ inside yourself that’s emerging, but you’ll find you will be able to ground yourself, stabilise yourself much faster and introspect / investigate the new dimensions of thoughts / emotions to deal with / face and change within yourself.

The ‘problem’ only comes in when you continue doing the same thing over and over and not learn from it that it becomes deliberate – ‘cause you KNOW where a certain train of thought and reactions will lead you, yet do nothing to change it…and cycle in the same pattern over and over again. So, in such instances – best to identify why you’re ‘deliberately’ losing yourself in alternate realities and reactions in your Mind, assist and support yourself to stop and change these cycles…because only you can do it for yourself, no one else is existing in your own Mind but you.

However, there does come a time…in the future of one’s process, where one even stop being able to be ‘caught off-guard’ by your own mind. This is when you reach the quantum physical / physical dimensions of your process after having walked the conscious, subconscious, unconscious and quantum mind. Where you’re able to be aware of thoughts / energies trying to come up / move from within your mind / body and already stop participation before they come into creation. So, there’s still quite an fascinating process of awareness ahead when it comes to getting to know / understanding your own mind and body and the relationship between the two!

Let’s continue with the dedications:

“Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty”

Self honesty has been the most empowering, yet frightening thing I have faced within this process. In the beginning of my process – I struggled with the difference between ‘honesty’ and ‘self honesty’. I initially thought I had to be ‘honest’ with ‘everyone else’ – to always ‘speak my MIND’, speak exactly what I think and feel and this obviously coming from my initial starting point of believing ‘all that I am is my thoughts and emotions’. However, I had come to understand an interesting thing within my process when looking at the following question: “how can you really be ‘honest’ with everyone else, if you have not been honest with yourSELF? How can you understand what ‘speaking the truth’ means, if you have not been truthful with yourSELF? What does it mean to be honest with SELF, truthful with SELF?”

‘Speaking my Mind’ more often than not got me into a bit of trouble, speaking my thoughts as they came up and speaking the exact detail of my emotions and feelings; especially WHILE I was in thoughts and emotions…so I would literally ‘speak my Mind in real time, in the moment, immediately’. Most people did not respond well to this. So, I literally took ‘honesty’ as I understood it then – to the extreme. All it ended up leading to was creating more conflict inside myself and my relationships with other people – ‘honesty’ in no way brought me, nor my relationship with others to understanding, realisation, growth and expansion…

Now, some would think this to be a ‘commendable trait’ – being fearless to speak one’s Mind, which is also often termed to be ‘speaking the truth’. However – with understanding the difference between self honesty and honesty…one will understand how our current perception / definition of honesty epitomizes the separation from SELF we accept and allow in our relationship with the Mind, our thoughts and emotions/feelings. So, what I had come to learn about self honesty, the difference between this and honesty is already obvious when looking at the words: SELF honesty and honesty. With honesty – SELF is missing. Now, what does this mean? More importantly – why can Self Forgiveness only be applied within Self Honesty to really have an effect on one’s process of self change, self realisation and self expansion within this process from Consciousness to Awareness?

In the next post, I will continue with explaining how Self Forgiveness supported me to understand and face Self Honesty. Also, why ‘honesty’ still only keeps you locked into Consciousness – whereas Self Honesty expands your Awareness to be able to take that step back in your own Mind in relation to your own thoughts and emotions, to be able to understand how exactly your own mind, you within your own Mind operate…so, really – understanding Self Honesty through Self Forgiveness was an important key within my process from Consciousness to Awareness and breaking through the idea/belief I held of myself as ‘only being my thoughts and emotions’…when there’s in fact been so much more to me, to who I am and so each one of us.

Furthermore, I will share examples to illustrate the difference between self honesty and honesty – showing how self honesty leads to understanding and solutions, with honesty – more often than not leading to further friction / conflict…

A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel (Part 2): DAY 498

  

In the next post I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost”, “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and many more, to assist and support with understanding how the relationship you develop with yourself through Self Forgiveness and doing it genuinely, within self honesty assists and supports with discovering parts of yourself only you can gift to yourself through the tool of Self ForGIFTness

Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost

In the beginning of my process, becoming aware of my Mind, the thoughts and emotions - it was like everything intensified, could become so overwhelming where it felt like I was underneath waves crashing down on me with no opportunity to come up and breathe for air, not knowing what’s up, down, left or right inside myself. It is initially a shock when you become aware of how much you think and the extent to which thoughts generate emotions / feelings inside yourself…but at the same time, with understanding that it only seems so intense / overwhelming because you were never AWARE of / never LOOKED at your own thoughts / emotions – so, now with directly looking at them, it’s like you start seeing your thoughts and emotions everywhere within you, all of the time…

Sometimes within this experience inside myself, especially when I would be THINKING too much about something / someone and not actually write it out to look at it more constructively…I would very easily get lost in my thoughts and emotions. Lost meaning, where – I ‘forget’ to forgive myself, ‘forget’ to write it out, ‘forget’ to take a moment to breathe. So ‘losing myself’ in this context means where I lose that part of myself, my awareness to stabilise myself inside, to ground myself, to quiet myself as I spiral myself, my awareness into my thoughts and emotions into the experience of crying it out, collapsing on the bed crying, bundling up into a ball crying…like making myself ‘fall’ inside myself and completely giving into my thoughts and emotions. Then, once I cried out all the emotions and released all the energy inside myself through crying…the energy veil would drop, I would breathe and then look at the situation, speak to someone, talk it out and come to realise everything was not ‘the end of the world’ or as bad as my thoughts / emotions made it out to be.

Then, I would look back and ask myself “why didn’t I just breathe, forgive and let go from the BEGINNING?!?!?” I in the end ‘found myself’ again, ‘came back to myself’ once the emotions settled…so, why put myself through all that, all the intense, overwhelming, whirlwind thoughts and emotions and crying / collapsing when I could prevent that by just from the get-go breathe, forgive and ground/stabilise myself? So, we can lose ourselves for MOMENTS in thoughts / emotions the longer we stay in them, but we’re never “lost” – a part of our awareness is always present throughout it all…I realised that I just didn’t make the decision, I just didn’t move myself the MOMENT the thoughts and emotions started escalating inside myself to stop for a moment, to breathe, to forgive and then write it out / speak it out within someone.

So, after a couple of times of ‘losing and finding’ myself in this way, I HAD ENOUGH!!! and applied the principle of prevention to – whenever the thoughts / emotions started building inside myself, MOVE MYSELF to stop, to breathe, to FORGIVE the emotions and so settle myself / my awareness within myself and instead DIRECT the points inside myself with writing / speaking about it. This ‘movement’ of myself is where I in a moment REMIND myself “if I don’t breathe and forgive NOW…this is going to escalate and I am going to put myself through unnecessary turmoil”. So, it’s either me with AWARENESS releasing the emotions BEFORE they go out of control and build up inside myself to the point of losing myself inside myself for a moment…or the emotions take over and release themselves eventually through crying / collapsing inside myself…both directions eventually leading to the same outcome: I return to myself. So, I much rather direct myself with awareness, with forgiveness in the beginning than accepting and allowing myself to put myself through unnecessary turmoil…

Granted, there were moments and still are where I face thoughts and intense emotions that take over in a moment, so fast that it caught me ‘off-guard’ inside myself, but even though this happened – because I have practised in my Awareness so much, I can stop, breathe and forgive while I am in overwhelming thoughts / emotions…so it never got to the point where I would ‘lose myself for a moment’…my Awareness would be here, intact within myself – even able to immediately stop, breathe, forgive and direct in overwhelming turmoil of thoughts and emotions.

This is how self forgiveness and the application thereof assisted and supported me to be stable and grounded inside myself, even though things may seem impossible / lost, because a trust develops within yourself where you know that no matter what you’re facing, you’ll guide yourself through it and understand it and be able to resolve it within yourself through having yourself, your ‘guide’ as Self Forgiveness. Most importantly, how my writing, speaking and application of Self Forgiveness made me realise that I can stand in such a way within myself where I am not a victim to my own thoughts and emotions, I don’t have to ‘lose’ myself inside myself – I can stand up and direct my own thoughts and emotions in such way where it does not compromise me, what I experience, what I say and do.

In the next post, I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and “Thank you for showing me what it means to know myself, to understand myself”…

Also expanding more on how – with ‘losing yourself in moments’, such moments are opportunities to LEARN about yourself, to UNDERSTAND yourself as the Mind and so opportunities to grow, develop and expand your awareness even more…

A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel

Here I would like to share my journey and experience of walking with Self Forgiveness. I have been applying and living Self Forgiveness for 10 years this year…a decade of self-change, a decade of challenges I have faced, am still facing and sure I will be facing in the future still; however Self Forgiveness and my application/living thereof has been the one constant, the one tool (along with the unconditional support and assistance of other people) that has been my guardian angel through the good and the bad. Without Self Forgiveness – writing, speaking and living it…I don’t know who and where I’d be today, so I owe much to being introduced to Self Forgiveness this life and I would like to share what Self Forgiveness has done for me, as I am sure it will do for each one incorporating this tool in themselves, their lives.

Obviously to understand here, it’s not Self Forgiveness in itself that ‘saved me’, meaning: it was the tool and ‘who I am’ with and as the tool in my application and living, my writing and speaking of Self Forgiveness that supported me to develop the following expressions, skills and parts of me as potentials within myself that I discovered, that emerged because of my relationship, application and living of Self Forgiveness.

If Self Forgiveness were a living being, this is what I would share:

“Thank you for strengthening me”

There were moments where I was confronted with emotional fears, anxieties and uncertainty – oftentimes making me feel as though “I can’t do this / that” / “I have never tried this/that – so therefore, it’s impossible” / “I’m not good enough for this / that”…essentially, walking Self Forgiveness in such moments, allowed me to break through barriers of limitations I accepted and allowed inside myself and discovered I am able to do things / get things done by transcending my own ideas / beliefs and emotional reactions about myself. Applying Self Forgiveness in such moments provided me initially with the strength to break through the impossible in my Mind into the possible within doing things / getting things done in reality – until eventually, this strength became natural within me and any moment an idea / belief / emotion of weakness / limitation / resistance would arise – I would move through it in a moment, assert myself and act.

So, the moment I forgave and released myself from the mental constructs and emotions…I came to discover a strength within myself that’s always been within me, but was suppressed by what I accepted and allowed in relation to certain thoughts and emotions.

“Thank you for making sure I don’t give up”

I have faced many moments in my process…and still sometimes do, where it felt like “I was not going anywhere” / “my process wasn’t mounting to anything” / “nothing was changing” / “the process seemed impossible”…I am sure many will be able to relate to such thoughts about various things in your life…where everything just looks and feels impossible. But, in these moments – with understanding how thoughts and emotions tend to cloud one’s commonsense and realistic / practical view of things, I would do Self Forgiveness, release myself from such thoughts and emotions, in this realising that: as long as I, inside myself, participate in such thoughts and emotions…I am CREATING it in my world, I am the one creating the impossible, creating the limitations / restrictions within myself because I keep on only looking through the eyes of emotions and impossibility…instead of focusing on creating SOLUTIONS to what I see…seeing through the eyes of SOLUTIONS.

So, the more I started applying Self Forgiveness in moments where I felt lost in the darkness of impossibility in my own Mind…I developed the skill of always, immediately, taking a breath when a problem comes my way and look at it in such a way inside myself where I immediately gear myself to look for / create a solution instead of falling into reactions / emotions in relation to the problem / challenge…

Therefore, the point of ‘giving up’ ceased to exist within me – it does ‘try’ and come up within me every once in a while, like the snake in the garden of Eden attempting to lure me into giving up…yet, with developing strength within myself to stand in the face of emotion within myself, I simply breathe and move myself to find / create solutions rather than giving into the idea / emotion of giving up in my Mind.

“Thank you for showing me there’s always a way out”

I have oftentimes faced the experience of “there’s no way out” / “there is no end” when it comes to facing problems / challenges…where it felt like I was spiralling within emotions inside myself and it looked like “everything is wrong” / “nothing is working”…I have found that I created this by trying to look at problems / challenges in my Mind WHILE I was in emotional reactions…not a good idea I came to realise!!! Because the moment you look at a problem / challenge in your own Mind, together with EMOTION…the more you THINK about the problem IN EMOTION…the worse it gets until it literally envelops you / your mind to such an extent, that you lose yourself in it and the moment you ‘lose yourself’ within it all…this is the moment that you create the illusion in the Mind of ‘there being no way out / no solution’.

So, when I finally realised that THINKING about problems WHILE IN EMOTION was only adding fuel to the fire within myself, I would start WRITING and mapping out problems for myself. While I would write the problem / map the problem to be able to LOOK at it with clarity, with perspective and I find that I was becoming emotional at any point: I would stop for a moment, breathe, forgive the emotion and then continue writing out / mapping the problem. Within this process, this allowed me to really GROUND MYSELF within, to stabilise myself and realise I was making the problem more than me inside my Mind. Meaning, I accepted and allowed the problem in itself to overpower my ability to create solutions, to come up with solutions, to direct problems / solve them for example. So, it’s an interesting realisation this – the moment you release the emotions and your stability, groundedness and clarity comes through to be able to tackle problems / challenges practically with confidence and certainty. Therefore, within this particular context – I came to realise that it only seemed like there was “never a way out / through a problem / challenge” because I was lost in the problem itself in the Mind and so I could not come out / come through to create a solution or ask for support / assistance from others!

In the next post I will continue with Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost, Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty and many more, to assist and support with understanding how the relationship you develop with yourself through Self Forgiveness and doing it genuinely, within self honesty assists and supports with discovering parts of yourself only you can gift to yourself through the tool of Self ForGIFTnes...