Suicide Paranoia – 4: The Creation Process of Suicide Paranoia (Energy Dimension Part 2) DAY 390

So, from childhood – the first construct of Consciousness is emotional/feeling energy. We are as children firstly exposed to emotional/feeling reactions/experiences through which we in our Minds create relationships to our external world/reality, and then as our vocabulary / imagery develop – our Imagination and so our Thoughts develop/evolve. The Detail of this Process how we are introduced to our Mind-Being-Physical Trinity relationship through emotions/feelings as infants – is explained in detail in the Parenting Interview Series.

So, ALL of what one had experienced, energetically, as emotions/feelings as a Child: one cannot remember, yet – those first seven years of your life, is what determined/defined your emotional/feeling bodies of Consciousness, such as WHY you react in specific emotions/feelings in moment, the INTENSITY of the emotion/feeling, what triggers the emotion/feeling and then also of course your very Thoughts, their content, Imagination – everything that seems so ‘natural/normal’ now, was in fact PROGRAMMED by you in those first seven years of your life. And ALL of that – ALL the reactions that you experienced, that now evolved into thoughts/imaginations for example, the origin of that is still existent within you, but suppressed into and as the Unconscious/Quantum Mind of your Mind. You now only live-out the memories of all the reactions/relationships/definitions you have given to all the emotional/feelings energies you experienced that now come to manifest in the form of Thoughts and Imagination, for example.

So, for example – one as a child was exposed to bullying, you know, even that stage where child hit each other, for example, and/or you were just exposed to loud noises you couldn’t understand, or seeing your parents in vocal/behavioural arguments, and/or being hit – with NO comprehension/understanding of it all, you inverted/suppressed such reactions, within the primary experience “Why me?” / “Did I do something wrong” / “Is something wrong with me” / “What did I do” / “Why is this happening to me”. Now, obviously, as a child, you cannot word this or define this and so it becomes an energetic-reactive memory in your Consciousness. Now you grow up and there’s this lingering feeling ALL the time within you, and you can’t quite pinpoint it or define it, it’s just ‘there all of the time’. It feels like a deep-abyss, a depth within you that you’re in, yet you fear at the same time, it’s like, the energy when you’re in it and you experience it feels like this emptiness, this nothingness that’s there and it feels like it literally just sucks everything from your mind/your self into it. Your mind feels heavy, you feel heavy, and soon as that energy takes over, it’s like you can see nothing anymore in anything, or anyone – everything and everyone is just empty, like you don’t even have the energy anymore to WANT to look at anything/anyone, DO anything, don’t want to think, to breathe. Obviously, such an energy evolve into Suicidal tendencies and what can drive one into and as suicidal tendencies as well, as FEAR – when you are confronted with challenges in your world/reality and you have NO IDEA how to deal with it, handle it, confront it, change, find a solution and so that FEAR becomes the deep-abyss as explained above and one just decide to ‘end it all’. Sound familiar doesn’t it? Where, as children – we have NO IDEA how to handle this world, life, people, sounds, words, behaviours and so we SUPPRESS it all. BUT, what is not seen, realised and understood is that: as you age – EVERYTHING you experience/manifest/participate in within your Mind/Consciousness STAYS IN THE MIND and STORES ITSELF IN THE BODY. Thus, the more energy/suppression you go through from childhood into teenager/adulthood years, the less ‘space’ is available in your mind-body relationship for all that energy to be stored and eventually becomes SO MUCH, it just takes over the Mind/Self.

So, primarily to be understood here is that – the ENERGY that initiated the Suicidal experience, thoughts and imagination, is an accumulation process of where you in yourself/the mind just don’t know how to handle things in this world/reality and/or consequence you create for yourself – and then you initially go into suppression of such reactions to things/people/consequence in your environment, to the point where the suppression becomes too much and the energy start overwhelming the Mind/Self and before one know it: it seems like there’s ‘no way out’ – but ‘out’. When, individuals do not see, realise and understand that: what is making you FEEL this way is ENERGY, it’s in the Mind/Consciousness. You as a beingness/awareness is only OBSERVING this all and EXPERIENCING this all, and the Mind and Energy can take over to such an extent that you believe your own energy/thoughts as Paranoia – because it creates the Paranoia of the fact that, because you EXPERIENCE the ENERGY in the MIND, that EVERYTHING ELSE in reality “looks/feels the same” – when it is in fact NOT. The question that has to be considered is that: you have earlier in your life, lived, experienced, laughed and enjoyed and now suddenly there’s this idea that ‘the world is against you, life is not worth it, there is no reason to continue’ etc. – what you must REALISE is that this is a Energy Possession in your mind that is making you SEE yourself and life this way, a Paranoia of Energy/Thought you created/programmed in your Mind, simply because of not understanding how emotions/feelings, thoughts and imagination work and the extent to which we can create a Paranoia, a ParaNOISE a complete alternate paranormal reality in the Mind that can make us lose touch with reality to such an extent, that we can’t even remember anymore who we are, how we are and/or can’t even remember how we saw life/living/ourselves before.

In the next post we will explain how the energy evolves into thoughts and imagination, and how we then enter into a vicious cycle in our own Minds, here the energy creates itself into thoughts/imagination and then we participate in the energy, thoughts and imagination – empowering/substantiating the energy/reaction/experience even more and so give life to something in our Mind / Consciousness that take us farther from/of REAL LIFE/LIVING, that is who we are in and as every moment of Breath.

We'll continue more in the next post

Creating the Future, from the Past in the Present: DAY 250

TIME Character/Personality – continued

The FORCE - continued

The Chicken or the Egg??? – continued

How the Fruit of Life became Rotten – continued

Who I Am as Money – continued

(To read this post, it must be understood that we’re walking this process/Blog - Heaven's Journey to Life multi-dimensionally, which means – each post covers one dimension, but is interconnected into/as multi-dimensions in our process of walking the point/question of “who I am” and how this “I” created/manifested this entire physical existence. Thus, suggested – to read this Blog from DAY 1, as many of the points in previous dimensions/DAYS/posts are always brought-through into the next days/dimensions/posts as all the dimensions interconnect as the multi-dimensionality we’ve created/manifested as our separation as Energy/Consciousness from/of Life/equality and Oneness. Thus, if one is faced with this post, and have not yet read this Blog from DAY 1 - suggest that self first start from DAY 1, as otherwise one will have no context of many dimensions that is walked in this post, that has been dealt with in detail in previous posts.)

In and from this Post, we’re continuing with the FEAR Dimension writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

FEAR Dimension: Writing (Continued)

So, within the FEAR Dimension in relationship to Time – one can investigate, what it is about Time-itself that self created/manifested a Fear Relationship to/towards, either ‘in the Present’ – existing in Fear of the Past and/or Fear of the Future. So, what this indicate/reveal/expose – is that: we exist as FEAR in/as Time in the Present, as we reflect on the Past and Project into and as the Future. Also, within this – we stand divided in/as the Present, as we can exist both in/as the polarities of the Positive and the Negative, as the Fear of the Past and Hope of the Future. So, one can also exist in a ‘Positive Experience’ in relationship to Time, and this is a Dimension that we will investigate once we walked from the Primary Platform of the Time Personality System, which has an Origin from a memory/past experience existent within and as the Negative Energy Experience. As we have explained/walked within the Blog – where, in the Beginning of our existence, our origin came from a Friction/Conflict relationship of Fear and Separation that created/manifested ENERGY. So, ‘pure Energy’s’ Source – is in fact ‘Negative’.

So, with regards to 2012 – the FEAR Dimension would be more Unconscious, regarding how the prospect/promise of 2012, doomsday, for Many is a ‘positive and a negative experience’, but in fact originate from/of a Negative Energy Experience, as the prospect/promise of abdicating Responsibility to what ‘life on earth’ has become within and as this Existence. And, what will become more clear as we continue within this Blog, walking Personalities/Characters, is the extent to which we in fact hide the Truth of ourselves as the Evil, as the Negative/Bad/Dark with and as the Positive/Good/Light/Love. As with for example 2012 – Consciously, human beings experience the prospect/promise of a better version of self/life, but where that positive energy experience/imagination come from, is in fact the Negative Unconscious of the Prospect/Promise of not having to take responsibility for/face/deal with/change what ‘life on earth’ is/has become and the consequence within and as it.

More of these Dynamics within Personality/Character Systems regarding the relationships between the Negative and Positive is walked in more detail within the Quantum Mind Interview Series available on EQAFE.

To also note within this, as we have explained in the Personality/Character Process, that one may not always immediately find the origin/source Memory relationship to Fear within a Character/Personality, and so not necessary to initially walk this Dimension. One will become more aware of Personality/Character Systems’ construct, the more one become aware of Self as the Mind within and as the Dimensions of the Conscious, Subconscious, Unconscious and Quantum Mind.

Let’s walk some Self Forgiveness and Self Commitments to open up this Point of TIME and Fear within and as the multi-dimensions, in and as which we can exist in our relationship to Time, to from FEAR of/as Time – stand HERE as/with Time:

FEAR Dimension: Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to for a moment stop, to for a moment breathe, within and as my life-existence and actually consider looking at my relationship to TIME and the extent to which I can accept and allow myself to become possessed in my Mind with my relationship to time in/as all sorts of emotions as derivatives of Fear as anxiousness, stress, worry – because, it has become so much part of my life, from childhood, that it’s simply seen to be “normal” to have such a relationship to Time in my Mind. Where, for most part within/during my Day – especially with my Survival/Money and interrelationships being dependent on it, I am in a constant/continuous observation-participation relationship to Time, analysing the past, anticipating the future while in the present, not actually being HERE in the moment with what I’m doing as I’m time-travelling in my Mind within/as the Past and/or the Future.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the Nature of Fear-itself as how it exist within the Mind/Consciousness – where, each Human Being have been Preprogrammed/reincarnated with and as a base-platform of Emotional/Feeling Bodies, and then according to the Preprogrammed life-design, the Family, the Parent’s Minds transferred into one’s Mind and Body, the Culture, the environment, the relationships: Personality/Character Systems will form that will “personalize” Fear / the ‘Pure Energy’ of Fear itself to substantiate, define and animate ‘who we are’ in/as our relationship to FEAR-itself. And so, why/how – one can have so many different FEARS existent in/as the Mind, as it’s dependent on ‘who one is’ as the Mind/Consciousness, memories of past experiences, influences/stimuli from/of one’s external environment and the people within it, as the extent to which we have more created/programmed/constructed who we are within and throughout our lives, within and as the starting point of REACTION. Which is why humanity is so conditioned to always only REACT to things, and never commonsensically come up with sustainable, standing Solutions that stand within and as the principle of/as what’s Best for All. Because we have accepted and allowed this context of Self-Interest – ‘our own Fears’, to dominate what is/would be best for all, and so in/as our starting point existence as the Self Interest of Fears and protecting/defending ourselves from/of our Fears – actually created/manifested an Existence of Fear.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how – I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from myself, my own process of emergence, programming, becoming, construction of ‘who I am’ – that I haven’t even seen, realised and understood, for example how the relationship to Fear in the Mind develop within and as Personality/Character Systems, where from an Energy – I would come to determine, define, live out and behave ‘who I am’. As with, for example time – with being imprinted with Fear in relation to time, how many memories accumulate from Parents/Peers in their relationship to time within anxiety, stress, worry, concern that would simply, habitually, become part of me, my Mind, my behaviour and relationship to Time – and eventually to the extent of never even questioning it, but always accepting and allowing a relationship to Time, with Time having more power over/of me in/as my Mind within and as my reactive relationship to/as Time itself. That furthermore, within and as my accepted and allowed relationship of separation to my own Mind, my own Physical Body – that I would not even see, realise and understand how the “Time Machine” of the Mind/Consciousness dominate, influence, direct who/how I am as I “time travel” in/as the past, present and future within and as the Mind’s Imagination within and as energy-polarities of Negative and Positive Energy, balancing out the equations between Negative and Positive within/as fear/consequence of the past and/or future with and as prospect/promise. With the Positive as prospect/promise of the Future, created from the Negative of the Past as the struggles, strife’s and burdens of the past. But, interestingly enough in this – that we would never investigate/introspect our direct-Responsibility to how we created the conditions/experiences in our lives as consequence/negative in the past and in the present, but only always in the Mind’s imagination hope for the prospect/promise of/as a Positive Future.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand this TIME personality/character system’s relationship to 2012 where, it exemplifies this dimension of us hoping/wishing for/as the prospect/promise of/as a better future/version of ourselves, that actually originate from/of the stark reality consequence that we face in/as our Minds, our personal worlds and humanity/this physical existence as a whole, where the Fear of the Past, the Present – is creating/manifesting the Hope for/as the Future. In this then, as well – as mentioned above, that: it’s interesting we would not investigate/introspect/trace how we individually and collectively accepted, allowed and participated in/as what life on earth has become, but instead – each individual human being is driven/motivated by/through the Self-Interest of/as their Own Minds, instead of reflecting/learning from consequence and changing the Future to Responsibility, because we’re caught in the Present as FEAR reflecting in the past as FEAR and then projecting into the Future as HOPE – never actually HERE, in and as the Physical, to see what we’ve done HERE – where we came from, where we’re going and then to simultaneously within this: actually come up with SOLUTIONS, preventions to ensure we don’t recreate the same past/consequence/fears in the Present for the Future.

And so, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that – as long as I accept and allow myself to exist in/as a Negative to/towards the past, as long as I accept and allow myself to exist in ignorance with How Exactly I have directly/indirectly participated in creating/manifesting the consequence of my life and so all’s life within and as this physical existence from/of the past as to how my Mind, my Life and all’s life in/as this Physical Existence is here at the moment: Nothing will change – as all that we’ll continue doing is what the 2012, doomsday / end times scenario is illustrating in/as our relationship to Time at the moment: recreating the Future from the Past in/as the Present – because the Factor that has never equated in the equation of what created the consequence we now exist as, as life on earth – is the Extent of Responsibility of/as us human’s relationship to our own minds, bodies and the rest of this Physical Existence as a whole.

And so, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that – to in fact CHANGE the future, and to not only exist in/as the delusions of Imagination of Energy in/as the Mind as Consciousness in/as the Polarity of Hope, derived from and of its Opposite as Fear of/as the Past, that we’re constantly, continuously so creating the Future, in the Present from the Past – to CHANGE the future, we have to change ‘who we are, how we are and what we live’ in the Present, the Here. And the only way to Free ourselves from the Past, Present Future Dynamic as we exist in/as the ‘Time Machine” of the Mind – is to walk the Time of/as the Physical as BREATH – take responsibility for our past, investigate it, introspect it, both in our personal worlds and humanity as a whole, to change who/how/what we are/live in the here, the moment, the breath and to then so, change our Future as we actually LEARNED from the past to Change/Prevent the same mistakes/consequences. In this relationship, we then in fact use TIME practically – to bring about a World that is Best for All, in/as equality and oneness.

We’ll continue with the Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements in the Next Post

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