Suicide Paranoia – 8: Giving-up on Self and Giving-in to Paranoia DAY 394

Continuing with the process of Thought-development in relation to Suicide Paranoia, to understand that: as we have illustrated in the previous post, the process unfolds from energy, to memories, to imagination and self-talk, which is thinking; therefore, the human being Internalize reality into themselves, into energy, and then re-produce memories of actual reality WITHIN THE ENERGY THAT THEY REACTED. This means, that – if/as the individual reacted, emotionally, to/as other human beings’ words and behaviour, such as being belittled, over an extended period of time, those memories are internalized into and as the Mind and is ‘tainted’ with and as the Energy, the emotional energy’ that the human being experienced in and as reality, and is now being replayed, recreated in and as the memory / memories in the Mind.

So, it’s like fascinating that: the energy, such as belittlement, for example, permeate and infiltrate the memory and then in the memory and as the energy – the being then starts evolving the memory and the energy IN THEIR OWN MINDS even more, it’s like the energy itself, the memory/memories themselves “comes alive in the Mind” and so the being will replay the memory/memories over and over and over again and as we said/explained: creates a complete paranormal reality in their Minds, of themselves, of others, of conversations, of reactions/experiences which then in turn becomes a possession, into a paranoia where the Individual will then start seeing Reality/Others through the eyes of their Reactions/Memories/Paranoia that they created in the Mind and soon enough, EVERYTHING and EVERYONE starts looking like/feeling/saying/behaving according to how they created others to be in their own Minds.

Let’s say a being is exposed to bullying over an extended period of time. What their Consciousness/Mind memorizes are the moments/instances where they were verbally being bullied. Such things makes an extensive impact on an individual’s self/mind and experience/living, mostly because they don’t know how to deal with such bullies and also don’t know how to deal with the reactions they experience within themselves. Then, all those moments of bullying becomes accumulated memories in the person’s Mind, where they replay the events over and over and over again, where it’s like – with it being replayed in the mind, it’s experienced EXACTLY the same as though it is happening in reality / ‘real life’. What is also interesting regarding us Humans, is how we tend to believe MORE what OTHERS say about ourselves, than us standing by a decision/living statement of/as who we are – and so, because of this, the individual that is being bullied, with replaying the memories over and over and over again, with the memories/moments having such energetic/emotional impact on themselves, starts considering that What OTHERS are saying about them “must be true”. This in itself is quite a shock to the ‘Self’, because in a way – there exist the awareness of the fact that, Self is accepting/allowing others to define self, that Self is ‘giving into THEM and giving up on SELF’. So, it’s fascinating that the point of ‘giving up / giving in’ already in fact happen in the Mind-Self relationship, where Self accept and allow what others, in the memories of one’s Mind say about self, such as being useless/a loser/not worth it/not going to make it/ugly/fat/ etc.  to give up/give in and so let others Define Self in one’s own MIND. Other’s voices in the head, in/as memories Haunting one’s self / one’s Mind. And, when that happens, it is also, in a way, already giving up one’s life – we all in some way have committed a form of suicide in the sense of our “Self”, our “Who We Are”, our “What we Stand for and as” and have compromised that “for the sake of others”, to fit in, to be popular, to be a consumer, to have a social network, to be Noticed – but all in the sense of EGO, for Money, for Survival – preserving Self-Interest, and so-doing, ending THE Life, THE Self within the principle of/as equality and oneness, what’s best for all, so we all gave up/gave in on Life-itself for the sake of Self Interest, Ego.

Therefore, when the Human Being, in their Minds start defining themselves MORE to the voices of others, than hearing their own commonsense awareness: the relationship to/as Paranoia becomes more extreme, because in the memories of the voices of others, they lose their own Voice, their own Awareness, their own Stand and Paranoia takes over, the Memories takes over, the Voices of others takes over, their Own Thoughts turn against them as they, themselves, then start believing that what others are saying about them are real/true/in fact so. There is the saying “there can Only be One” – we’re either going to develop our SELF Awareness to stand and Live, or we create our own Paranoia, the Paranormal Reality in Consciousness that then possess our Self, our Awareness; I mean why not Consider what one can Create within and as SELF Awareness and one’s LIVING in and as this REAL WORLD than accepting and allowing Self to Create your own Paranoid Possessions in/as Consciousness that will only lead to unnecessary consequence and regret.

We’ll continue more in the Next Post

Why do we Give Up BEFORE we Even Started?: DAY 321

Facing Uncertainty

Problem: Fighting ourselves when Facing Uncertainty

In this Post, we’re going to have a look at the Tendency we have of, when Facing Uncertainty in approaching something new/novel/different – we tend to REACT within ourselves in inferiority/self-limitation/self-judgment, seeing Uncertainty when facing something new/novel/different as a ‘personal judgment’ towards ourselves and in this, we tend to then ‘immediately Give Up before we even Started’. Here, we explore WHY we do this to ourselves, and what is the Solution for ourselves when Facing Uncertainty in doing something new/novel/different.

Solution:

Here, through Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Writing – we’re going to Open up the Problem, and within the Problem – see/realise/find the Solution to our accepted and allowed consequential relationship of Uncertainty when Facing ourselves within something new/novel/different:

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever Consider or Question, Why and How it is that we always tend to ‘Fight Ourselves’ or ‘Fight with Ourselves’ to Change or attempt to Change. Why did we or do we not immediately approach ourselves/change with Understanding/Commonsense and Assist and Support ourselves into Understanding/Grasping/Changing a point we’re Facing ourselves within? As we tend to Always REACT first and for most part, in the Reaction to approaching something new/novel – we give up/give in and/or go into FIGHTING to attempt/try to FORCE ourselves into and as Change/Learning.

I Commit myself to assist and support myself to, when and as I am Facing something New/Novel – to see, realise and understand that: any judgment/fears/anxieties/stress/worry/concern for what I am about to Face/Approach is bizarre, because: this is the FIRST TIME I am facing this Point, and Anything else but me being gentle with myself and allowing myself to UNDERSTAND me in relation to this New/Novel point I am facing is Self-Sabotage. Because, I am deliberately creating a Negative/Bad in relation to this something new/novel/different – without me FIRST really Understanding it and/or me and even APPLYING myself within and as it before making an Assessment of my relationship to me and this new/different/novel Point/Experience/Relationship I am facing.

I Forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to See, Realise and Understand how I would so readily, immediately without a moment’s Hesitation – judge myself, and for most part, actually misjudge myself when and as I am facing Uncertainty in relation to approaching/learning something new/different/novel. Where, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand How I have approached Uncertainty as a judgment, as something bad/wrong and then use my Reaction as judgment of Uncertainty and take that Personally into and as me, making myself believe that “uncertainty coming up when facing something new/novel/different means “I don’t know how to do this and therefore: I can’t do this””.

I commit myself to show, that yes – when facing something new/novel/different there’s going to be Uncertainty, because yes – one don’t know how to do it and thus IN THIS MOMENT, one cannot do it. But, that is a Practical, Real REALITY ASSESSMENT of one’s relationship to facing something new/novel/different. But, what we have done is Charge Uncertainty and Not knowing how to do something and thus not being able to do it with JUDGMENT as Self-Judgment, take it Personal/make it Personal and then we approach Uncertainty/not knowing how to do something and not being able to do it with a ‘Giving Up’. Instead of a Practical Reality, Real Contextual Reasoning of: I am facing something new/novel/different, thus there is Uncertainty because I don’t know how to do it and thus can’t do it, therefore: I have to teach myself, and Learn the necessary skills/requirements to be able to know HOW and then to Enable myself to do it. Instead we go: “There’s Uncertainty,  don’t know how to do it, I can’t do it – therefore: I Give Up”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to See, Realise and Understand Why and How it is that we would Reason in such a way, to talk ourselves into ‘Giving Up’ when we face ourselves within something new/novel/different with reacting to, within self-judgment, the Point of not knowing how to do something and thus not being able to do it. Where, in our Minds – we tend to Reference our EGO, in terms of Defining ourselves within the things we already CAN do and can do well and then we define ourselves to the things we already know how to do and can do, and so: when we face something new/novel/different that we don’t know how to do or can’t do at that stage: we REACT to it. But, it’s in fact our Ego/Self-Definition reacting, because we don’t want to feel inferior/less than/ ‘wanting to start from the beginning’ when facing something new/novel/different. Like, we don’t want to go into that humbleness before that something new/novel/different, understand it, get to know it and ourselves within it and slowly but surely accumulate the skills and information to be able to do it.

I commit myself to show, how – when facing something new/novel/different and our relationship to it, we would rather Preserve our Ego/Self-Definition of everything that we already Know How to do and Can do and then ONLY remain/stick to doing JUST THAT, and instead justify/excuse/validate giving up on ourselves when facing Uncertainty, Judge it, and so Judge ourselves and in that Self-Judgment – already prepare the Road before us to ‘Fail’ with using the ‘slippery slope Reasoning of’ “I don’t know how to do it, so I can’t do it, therefore – I Give Up”. And so, I commit myself to Assist and Support me – to when and as I face Uncertainty, not accept and allow myself to Sabotage myself by judging the uncertainty and so judging myself, to not accept and allow myself to go into Ego of protecting/defending my already existent self-definitions, but to be Humble, to stand within the Practical Reality Reasoning and Understanding of “I don’t know how to do this, as I have not faced this yet within my life, and so practically I therefore can’t do this. Thus, I have to first get to know how to do this, practise doing it until I can do it and then from there Assess my relationship to/as it to see what I can Learn about myself with approaching this something new/novel/different”.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to no more accept and allow myself to Define Uncertainty as something ‘bad/negative’, but actually as an Opportunity for me to Learn something new/novel/different and within that, Learn something new/novel/different about myself as I assist and support myself to get to know/understand how to do something, acquire the Skills to do it and then to Actually do it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to See, Realise and Understand – how and why I would judge something new/novel/different, when Looking at our Relationship to our Minds/Consciousness, with regards to how quickly within our Lives we tend to kind of ‘set into’ Definitions of ourselves and believe that “Okay, this is who I am and will be for this Life and…that’s it”. In this, pre-setting a Limitation for ourselves that would Sabotage opportunities for Expansion/Change when facing something new/different/novel, cause we believe, then, that Change as finding our more about ourselves/discovering more about ourselves would mean that all those pre-set Limitations/Definitions would Change/be lost; and so ‘fear of losing our Definitions/Ego/Limitations’ would sabotage/stop us from expanding/learning/discovering More about/of ourselves.

I commit myself to show, another Dimension existent with Facing something New/Novel/Different with regards to how we set-in and pre-set our Definitions as actual Self-Limitations, in why we would deliberately Sabotage ourselves within Facing something New/Novel/Different, is: that we’re actually AFRAID of realising that we’re not as ‘Superior’ in our Definitions/Ego as we would like to believe ourselves to be. That, with challenging ourselves in facing/approaching something New/Novel/Different – this would actually Challenge beliefs/ideas/perceptions about ourselves in/as our Ego/Personalities/Self-Definition; and so – here again: we’d rather deliberately Sabotage an opportunity for expansion/growth/development of Self, than give up on the Limited ideas/perceptions/beliefs we have as the Personalities/Ego we’ve become in and as the Mind/Consciousness that lead to such Flawed-Reasoning of “I don’t know how to do it, so I can’t do it, therefore – I Give Up”.

Self-Reward:

Here, the Self-Reward is existent within the Solution we have established as-ourselves, that within Uncertainty – we no more accept and allow ourselves to Sabotage ourselves in ‘giving up on ourselves before we even Started’, but simply practically utilize Uncertainty as a reference/indication that self simply, practically, do not YET understand/know how to do something, and to so acquire the information/skills to be able to do it and then Apply it. In this, the Self-Reward is transcending self-limitations imbedded in/as Ego/Self-Definition and actually expand/grow/develop self and self’s living through Learning new things and so Learning more about oneself through Challenging oneself in facing new things.