Fear of Commitment (Part Two): DAY 440

I will not let ‘my Want’ take over ‘my Will’ (Part 4)

Solution

We’re within the walking of the relationship between Want and Will – also facing the Dimension of Commitment. When you ‘choose’ your Wants over the Decision to Live Self-Will: you are making a commitment to your wants, to your Mind. If you make a Decision to stand by/with and Live your Will: you are making a commitment to you. So, again – here, the problem in itself is not Commitment, nor is it the Fear thereof. It cannot be, because commitment doesn’t stand alone, it’s not this externalized force influencing you. Who/what substantiates and so defines and lives the word Commitment is: ‘who we are’, it is in fact Ourselves. Commitment remains commitment, but what will create the consequence of how the word is defined and so lived – is who we are in and as the Word. Therefore, if we can commit to ‘wanting our Wants’ – why not commit to ‘living Self Will’? If we can commit to our Minds…then we are able to commit to ourselves, to the physical, to life.

Many may for example in this moment say: “I’m not COMMITTING to my Mind, my Wants…it’s just who I am, how I’ve been, it’s Natural. I don’t even know what ‘Committing to my Mind/Wants even means! This is ridiculous!” Have a look: Every moment you participate in thought, every moment you give into reactions, every moment you speak words intentionally and deliberately where you know it is going to cause harm/consequence – are moments you are committing to the Mind, to your Wants. In moments where you want something that you know will compromise a relationship, a friend, a family member or get you into trouble – is a moment where you make a choice, a commitment to ‘getting your own wants in your own Mind’ – committing to putting the mind/wants BEFORE consideration/regard of others/your life/consequence. Commitment is an action, it’s a choice/decision that is acted upon/lived out – either in the Mind or in Reality. The difference between why it seems so natural in the Mind/in relationship to our wants – is because we’ve always done it, it’s the choice, the action of participating/living out the Mind/it’s wants that’s become so ‘easy/natural’; which in turn is why we don’t “obviously SEE” the commitment. Because, as I’ve explained: commitment takes an allowance/permission and then the choice/action to stick to/live out the commitment. Therefore, with our allowance/permission of participating in the mind/giving into reactions being so automated, seemingly natural and so immediate in choice/action: is why we don’t even realise how we’re in fact every time committing to the Mind. Therefore, making the decision to change one’s commitment to self, to a better self, way of life/living – not only for self/for all, is going to be a process of deliberately, in awareness, in moments sticking to/standing by this commitment – making that decision, and living that decision for a changed self/life.

So, bringing the point of Want and Will, as well as Commitment together – we have to consider the following: Are we not, then, fully committing to a change that we know will contribute to ourselves/life on earth for the better – only because we feel it does not serve our Wants, our Self Interest? Surely must be, because it’s obvious that we only would not want to change/commit to change, even despite knowing the betterment of it – if ‘there’s something else we want, need, desire, want to do/achieve which we believe we can only do/have/achieve “MY WAY” and so will give up a better self/life – not only for self, but for all, just so that one can have that one/few wants, needs and desires. Because, within us – a part of us knows that, we have to compromise, deceive, sabotage, lie, be secretive, manipulate –hold onto the ENTIRE Mind, ALL our personalities to achieve/get/have that one/few WANTS. We believe that a TOTAL better self/life – for self and for all, will mean that “I will not get MY WANT MY WAY”…this is frightening to face, to look at. Many will try and deny this, but we in fact do it most of the time, every time we indulge in imaginations, in backchats that are detrimental to ourselves, our integrity and relationship to others – we say “this moment I want MY WANT MY WAY”, instead of being the ‘better person that we know we can be’ and use that moment to change ourselves, to change how we see, how we react, how we approach a moment/relationship.

So, we’ll continue in the next post with having a look at what it says about ourselves with accepting/allowing our WANTS, in the small and big scales – to have precedence over our will, our commonsense, our integrity regarding who we are as a person within ourselves, and questioning whether the point is in fact about ‘fear of commitment’ or is that simply the ‘nice way we’ve found to hide the truth’: we’re putting our wants/desires before what would best for ourselves and life on earth?

Fear of Commitment: DAY 439

I will not let ‘my Want’ take over ‘my Will’ (Part 3)

Solution

Continuing with the question we left off with in the previous post: “Why are we making such a simple Decision from Want to WILL to actual self/world change so difficult for ourselves?” – we’re going to have a look at, essentially, why/how it is that we make Change/Self Change and/or life/living changes so difficult for ourselves. When, all it takes to change, to will oneself, as move oneself into physical change/application – is a Decision and to stand by that Decision/with that Decision until it becomes a ‘natural living expression / way of life’ for self.

A point opened up within the Relationship Series walked in EQAFE regarding ‘Commitment’ – a Decision and the living of/as such a Decision to change, to change oneself and one’s life/living: is a Commitment. It’s a commitment you make to yourself and for yourself. But, WHY – despite seeing how a self change/life change will benefit one internally and externally…do we still sabotage / compromise ourselves, where the More we “TRY” and change/commit/make a decision – the more we sabotage / compromise it?

Many walking the Desteni Process are confronted with this point daily when it comes to writing / walking DIP / making decisions - where the benefit of the processes can be seen/felt/lived, but YET – when it comes to commitment, to following through: we fall. The closer and closer we get to or even get to the moment of seeing/sensing how a Change/Commitment/Decision will fulfil us, we find some way or another to destroy it, to fall back into the Mind/old destructive habits/patterns that we KNOW will lead us down a certain path/consequence…yet, we still do it.

What is scary is that we can spend months, years…if not a lifetime, facing one point of self/life change – and spend those months/years and even a lifetime justifying/excusing/sabotaging and compromising ourselves from making/living the Decision to change and actually live/apply it. The Mind can create this vacuum inside us, where it seems like “time does not matter / time does not exist” – before we know it, months had gone past…even years, and often a lifetime and we every so now and then wandered off into our minds, considered the change of self/life/living, for a moment indulging in guilt/regret/remorse about it; but then simply continuing with our ‘old ways / habits’. In this, using/abusing the prospect of change to justify/excuse/sabotage/compromise ourselves as to why it is we’re not taking that step, making that decision, committing ourselves/our living to in fact change/apply change/walk change.

The question is: how can we sit with a point of change – a prospect of change/process of change within us, for months, for years…yet, do nothing about it, but just continue as we’ve always been? Does this mean that we do not in fact want to change? Because, I mean – if one REALLY, self honestly want to change, man – you’d put everything of yourself into it. If you REALLY, self honestly, want a better way of life/living – man, you’d put everything of yourself/your life into it. Now, many in their minds may go: “But, but, but – it’s so DIFFICULT, it’s IMPOSSIBLE, I have TRIED, there’s TOO MUCH, there’s SO MUCH GOING ON, it’s not only THAT…” – and I can continue with what we can come up in the Mind, doing everything/saying anything possible to just not take that one step, make that one decision and commit to it.

So, what is it – or who is it – that is in fact holding back, that is in fact waiting/postponing? What is it within/of ourselves that seems so powerful, overwhelming that it takes precedence over/of that which we KNOW would be best for ourselves, would best for all, would contribute to a better future, a better human? To what extent does our programming / brainwashing go that we cannot equate a simple commonsense solution, an action of change and implement it immediately?

We’ll continue more in the next post

Fighting Resistance vs. Moving through Resistance: DAY 297 - 298

                                                     Artwork by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

In and from this post, we’re going to be walking an Practical Example of a Process regarding, for example – where one is in the Process of Change from Laziness to taking/living Self Responsibility, and walk through some of the dynamics/dimensions to consider within and as this process; especially regarding the facing of Resistance within and during the Process. And how to – within Facing Resistance, not “Fight” the Resistance experienced from changing from the “I am Lazy”-Personality to “I Live Responsibility” Living Word – with seeing, realising and understanding that the Resistance is a ‘Part’ of self within self and so Fighting it, would essentially mean ‘fighting yourself’…which is silly.

Additionally within this – we’re going to be having a look at what exactly ‘Fighting Resistance’ means, and how to assist and support self to MOVE through Resistance with Understanding and Self Stability.

Let’s begin:

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how – a process of change, is something to be done consistently. Where, I commit to a self-change and then having to walk it consistently into living application until the committed change becomes me in practical living. For example, the movement from “I Am Lazy” to “I live Self-Responsibility”: “Laziness” is what I am/have become and the Committed Change as what I am in the process of becoming/living is Self-Responsibility.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that – who I am/have become as ‘Lazy’ / ‘Laziness’ was done through a space and time process in the physical, where I accepted and allowed myself to more and more and more in instances justify, excuse and validate apathy / postponement in moments of taking responsibility / being responsible / living responsibility. And so, over TIME I have accumulated this “Laziness Personality” with its own distinct thoughts, backchats, reactions and behaviour patterns. I only do not REMEMBER the process of how I created it, because it’s now become so automatic in who and how I am that it seems like “I’ve always been this way”.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that: now with understanding that I have created this “Who I Am as Lazy”-Personality over TIME in this space-time physical reality, that: Changing me, from “who I am as Lazy” to “I Live Self Responsibility” – is going to be a process of space and time dedication, and keeping consistent with and as my commitment statements that I place into Living Application.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the difference between Self-Movement THROUGH Resistance into Change, and Forcing self with the Resistance as Fighting to Enforce Change, where:

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the importance of commit-statements, to reinstruct for myself who I am in a moment and to from within that instruction, take a breath and move myself in physical reality into and as Self-Change. Where, if I do not have that reinstruction/commitment, all I am then working with is energy/experience/physical force – which is only one factor I then use to try and FIGHT everything in the Mind into forcing myself into change. When, how the Mind is set-up – is VERY SPECIFIC, and so my commitments has to be equally as specific to reinstruct the previous program/instruction into and as change. For example:

Let’s say – having being introduced to a certain routine every day, of having to – in different time-frames throughout the day, do something different. Where one come from a previous life experience of not having been self motivated/driven in terms of daily tasks/responsibilities and now it has become an obligation to do so. In this, one have to have a look at what responsibilities/obligations has to be done throughout the day/week and map out a prioritization of each of the responsibilities/obligations. In this – one will find that, when one get to the Physical Action of DOING the responsibilities/obligations, one may have a different REACTION within and as all of them. Different thoughts will come up, different backchats, reactions, behaviour patterns etc.- but the general THEME that one will access within one’s Mind is RESISTANCE.

Now, if/as one do not blueprint the different REACTIONS to the different tasks/responsibility and only ‘fight against the RESISTANCE’: one is going to wrestle within oneself, and one’s process of Change is going to become one of constant/continuous internal fighting against the Resistance – pushing, forcing change through the Resistance, without Understanding that the Resistance experienced within each responsibility/obligation has a specific substance and programming to it, based on HOW you in the MIND create that resistance with specific thoughts/backchats and reactions.

Therefore, to have change be a Self Movement instead of a Fighting with oneself – one then establish what thoughts, backchats and reactions come up/manifest within/during particular-specific tasks/responsibilities/obligations, REINSTRUCT what automatically comes up in the Mind into effective, direct, specific Commitment Statements and together with that, the Physical Practical Change/Movement that self will assist/support self with – in moving from the Commitment Statement into Living Change, rather than following the thoughts, backchats, reactions into the Consequence of the Mind.

Because, if there is no definitive Reinstruction within self, and then an actual practical Living Change from that Reinstruction, one is just ALWAYS going to be fighting the Resistance – because the Resistance is only the consequence-outflow of the specific thoughts, backchats and reactions you’re accessing, and so: you’re never going to the SOURCE to change self through reinstruction, from mind programming instructions of Personality Possessions, to Self Living Instructions of Living Application.

So, for example:

Let’s say one’s day consist of:

Having to wake up early

Going to work

Getting the actual work done in terms of all the different tasks/responsibilities/obligations

Preparing dinner

Cleaning the home environment

Other responsibilities – such as school/education, writings, courses

Now, what one can have a look at is specifically structurally outlining your day-to-day living and seeing within WHAT in your day you have particular-specific Resistance to doing, with this resistance having been something that is a constant inner-fight to move through. When any Self Movement – becomes in a nature of a FIGHT, where the fighting becomes constant/consistent instead of one’s actual CHANGE constantly, consistently accumulating: it means that one’s Commitments and Living Application is not effective enough, and the MIND is MORE SPECIFIC than you are, and now you’re trying to ‘FIGHT THE MIND’ without understanding the specificity that is really involved in/as practical living change. And so in this fight – the Mind WILL win, ‘cause the Mind at this stage knows you better than you know yourself. Thus, you first have to get to know how you as the Mind operate/functions within your relationship to obligations/responsibilities in your world, so that you don’t FIGHT the Mind, but change WITH and AS it. As Follows:

So, let’s take the Waking up early as an example:

You identify with waking up early, that: there’s massive resistance – and now you want to specify that resistance, what thoughts goes on in the mind, what’s the energy that comes up, what’s the internal conversations / imaginations that manifest. Essentially, you want to see how you as the Mind move, so that you can change that Instruction, into and as an Instruction of practical living change.

Then you find that the following,

Thoughts come up:

“Seeing yourself Sleep for longer” / “Seeing yourself in the bed sleeping”

Backchats come up:

“I don’t want to wake up now” / “Do I have to wake up now” / “Just a little bit longer” / “I don’t want to face this day”

Energy come up:

Irritation, apathy, listlessness, comfortability, enjoyment, relaxation

With this, one now essentially see what Self in/as the Mind accept and allow to manifest as the Preprogrammed instruction that cause one to not physically move oneself to simply open one’s eyes, take a breath and stand up. From the above, one assist and support self in a process of Writing Self Forgiveness – to release self from the energy-relationships/attachments to sleeping/resting, instead of it simply being a practical action of resting one’s body, it becomes this entire consequential Mind-Process.

From here, now – understand: if/as one do not do the Commitments’ and Living Application specific enough – the Mind/Consciousness can accordingly ‘throw a punch’ in terms of bringing up similar/same mind processes to instruct you back into the Mind, instead of standing with you/who you are in/as your decision. SO – if you have not prepared the way before you effectively enough to STAND within a point, the Mind’s going to show it – and throw that resistance at you, and you can keep on going into that ring and FIGHTING it, and you will always lose. Cause, FIGHTING the mind is NOT the solution, you have to UNDERSTAND it to ‘conquer’ it, if you will. And to do this, is through the process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective action as the living of the self-commitments.

THEN, once one had walked writing/self forgiveness – one have a look at what commitment statements one can establish that one from the Reinstruction, can immediately move one into Living Change. For example:

One can go the direct route of:

“When and as I see my Mind going into any other direction than be taking a breath and opening my eyes and getting up: I WITHOUT A MOMENT’S HESITATION speak to myself ALOUD “I’m UP” and in that speaking actually physically move myself UP – so that my spoken word and living word stand equal and one in that moment. As I see, realise and understand if I even for a moment entertain the mind/thoughts/backchat/energy – it just accumulates and becomes more difficult to move through it. And so, I then immediately direct me to speak the words “I’m Up” and physically move me up to stand up/get up”.

See, now the only step from here: is to actually DO IT. Walking so, commitment-instructions together with the living application, and knowing self as the Mind and when/as one is accessing it, instead of standing by self’s decision - will ensure that one’s internal and external process becomes more a MOVEMENT, a REINSTRUCTION process you have to stand with and stand by constantly and consistently, until the reinstruction becomes a natural living of/as Self.

Therefore, to conclude:

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the Extreme Polarities of accepting and allowing myself to go into and as Apathy/Laziness as submission to the Mind and my external world living responsibilities and going into and as Fighting towards the Mind and my external world living responsibilities. In both instances, I’m facing two extremes of Resistance – Resisting Change, in the one regarding apathy/laziness as Submissions, and in the one regarding Fighting I am actually CREATING the RESISTANCE to change, as I am fighting the very resistance I am supposed to move through/transcend into and as Change.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the process of change should be me walking through a Waterfall – there’s going to be resistance as I move through the waterfall, but as I persist through the Waterfall, I move through into/as the Other Side, changed as the process of me moving through the resistance,  and as I remain constant/consistent in/as the process of change, I come through CHANGED in/as the other side. Whereas – with submission and fighting – I am attempting-to/try-to either just walk into a wall and fall back the whole time as what happens with submission, and/or trying to hit through the wall with my bare hands as the process of fighting. Not realising that, that wall IS ME I am fighting and fighting myself is really just stupid.

And so, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that: I will only go into submission and fighting to/towards that AS ME I don’t in fact understand, and in that understanding, being able to Stand AS IT and so change it AS ME. This is so demonstrated in for example human society today, where we have the extremes that just Submit to the World System and those that Fight it through Revolutions – neither Polarity Understand the extent of the System and our responsibility to it and what it will take to in fact change it as ourselves in Physical Space and Time practical living application and commonsense.

Thus, I commit myself:

to assist and support me to get to know the Mind as me, UNDERSTAND it, blueprint it through writing, self forgiveness and see what instructions I have automatically accepted and allowed, and then in the commitments RE-INSTRUCT who I am within myself and LIVE/APPLY that instruction, until I become it as a natural living me in the physical.

Featured Art Work by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

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