Eternal Darkness
(Part 2): DAY 464
What I’d like to show
here is: when one is alone with oneself – one really gain perspective of how
much of the stuff we participate in and experience within the Mind: we do to
ourselves, we’re solely responsible for. Realising this, makes it a lot easier
to take responsibility for what we accept and allow in our thoughts and
emotions; and how we can assist/support ourselves and our relationship with
others with stopping blaming everything/everyone else for who we are in our
Minds, but in fact change ourselves and direct our own thoughts/emotions.
The moment I explained to Adam how I ‘float’ within
this centre-point within the Atom within absolute
silence / eternal darkness – this also reminded me of when we’re in the process
of going
to sleep. We rest within darkness – when we close our eyes:
it’s naturally dark, in the evening – it’s naturally dark. So, this also
contributes to why it sometimes feels like our thoughts are so loud and our
emotions so intense: we’re alone with only ourselves and we’re not exposed to
external stimuli of other people and/or an array of sounds produced by the
external physical environment that often distract us / preoccupy us from what
we accept/allow/participate in within our own Minds.
I have found within my
process, in the evenings – also because it’s generally more ‘quiet’, that
our Minds would focus on sounds
– cars, insects, animals, music, whatever sounds you are exposed to when/as you’re
in the process of trying to rest/sleep in the evenings. I have found that my
Mind would focus on and react to such sounds as an additional / continued
distraction from myself, my own mind – because: as long as I continue thinking
about / backchatting and reacting to the external sounds, I don’t have to face
/ confront me, my Mind. So, what I started doing is walking self-forgiveness for
the reactions I was projecting towards the external sounds, until I was stable,
here with me in/as breath and then I’d walk through my day within myself. This was
initially quite challenging, because my Mind would have the tendency to want to
“wander off” and think / imagine – but, the moment I find I’m wandering off
with the Mind – instead of looking at memories and investigating them, I
would bring my attention back to breathing and direct myself to look.
So, what would happen within this process is that the
external sounds / the physical environment doesn’t become ‘emphasized’ as much
within the Mind, because before – it’s like, all my Mind would focus on is the
sounds and would produce many reactions within me, causing me to become
restless and actually wake myself up more! However, with this change – where I’d
focus my attention on the memories of the day, push myself to focus, be here,
breathing: the external environment becomes ‘natural’ / ‘normal’, nothing more
/ less. I can still hear the sounds – but, there’s no reaction towards them
within my Mind
and this, fascinatingly enough, made it possible to simply ‘accept’ what’s here
and so I could focus on the more important things: my process within me.
Obviously, within the Atom – lol, it’s all a lot easier,
because it’s very quiet; with no external environmental sounds / noises;
however even in the evenings, in the dark within oneself and without: one can
walk this same process for self. The only step that needs to be taken is to
release one’s Mind from the reactions of the external environment, until one
can simply breathe and listen to the sounds and there’s no reaction/movement
within one’s Mind/Body. Then, one starts with utilizing one’s memories
constructively and have a look at any reactions / challenges one faced
throughout the day / in relation with others and start walking self-forgiveness,
establishing solutions for mistakes and/or things one see one could have done
differently.
Overall, what this process also assisted/supported me with
is self-discipline when looking at things within myself / observing memories
and learning from them. Self-discipline, meaning: to not follow the thoughts /
imaginations that so automatically come up in the Mind, but in fact will
oneself to practically look at memories / events of the day, walk self-forgiveness,
consider solutions / changes etc. – through consistent application in this
regard, it flowed through into my day-to-day living
application, with not having the tendency to so immediately/automatically
follow thoughts / imaginations and the reactions they produce; but consider by
decisions/actions in thought, word and deed.
So, to reconsider one’s relationship to the evenings before
going to sleep – to not accept/allow the external environment’s sounds (that
one cannot in fact change) to distract / preoccupy one from the opportunity of
that which one in fact can change: one’s own process of
investigation/introspection and expansion/growth/development through being able
to direct one’s own Mind and learn from one’s memories / past experiences.
We’ll continue more in the next post
