Relationships are the Light that Shines Away the Darkness of Me - DAY 488

Relationships are the Light that Shines Away the Darkness of Me - DAY 488

The Moment of Shock

Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Ten)

In the next post we’ll open up more dimensions of the consequence that fear of loneliness / being alone manifest within relationships – how such a fear can compromise self and one’s relationship with another. Then finally – what is the solution to such a fear and how would self change and so one’s relationship with another change with taking responsibility for such thoughts and emotions.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I have used and abused both my Mind and Body – to hide from myself, from the things I reacted to negatively / emotionally, from the things that I was afraid to confront, from the things I believed I could not handle, from the things I did not understand, from the things I gave up on about myself and my life and from the things I refused to admit exists within me. With fear of being alone and the emotional experience of loneliness being no exception – as this fear and emotional experience connected to being alone / lonely is one such thing that exists within me that I was trying to suppress within me by using my Mind to cover it up with positive feelings / experiences that I believed only a relationship / someone else could give me.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how the more I covered up and hid such fears / emotional experiences – the more they became repressed into the depths of my physical body, as far and as deep as possible. Yet within this not seeing/realising and understanding that “I can hide, but I can’t run” from myself and that eventually, such suppression of fears / emotions would contribute to the moment of shock, trauma and stress I embody on a mental and physical level when/as a loved one suddenly dies / I am separated from them by circumstance.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be self honest with me when it came to my relationship with alone / lonely and the emotional energy I attached to such words as ideas within my Mind, especially when it came to the fact that I was suppressing such ideas and emotions by using either my Fantasies / the reality of my relationship with someone to ensure that such ideas and their emotions do not seep through into my Conscious reality – but remains hidden from myself as I for a moment bask in the delight of Fantasies and/or Reality when it comes to relationships – shining a light into my own Mind and World to ensure the reality of the darkness only just beyond the light of positive feelings / experience remains as far back and far away from my Conscious reality as possible.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I have used Fantasies / the Reality of a Relationship as a light switch – the moment I fantasize about relationships, a light goes on that shifts the darkness of my fears and emotional experiences farther back into my Mind and Body and/or the moment I have a relationship in reality – the light STAYS ON, because now I have a constant ‘light’ in my Mind and my World that ensures the darkness of my fears and emotional experiences in my Mind stays as far back and deep in my Mind and Body as possible.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how my fear of being alone and the emotional experience of loneliness – contribute to the moment of shock, trauma and stress when a ‘loved one’ / ‘person close to me’ suddenly dies / am separated from them by circumstance – where, I was not aware of the extent to which I suppressed this fear within me and in that moment the separation from such a person manifested: the fears that I have suppressed into the deepest, darkest corners of my mind and being came rushing back.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how my dependency on another person as being my ‘light’ to shine away the darkness of my own Mind / World – only made matters worse for myself; because with every beginning there is an end; and when/as this person was lost from my mind and from my world – the light switch of positive energy / experiences and sensations went off and I was left alone with myself – no more ‘light’ to cover up the darkness, the fears, the emotions I suppressed and repressed in my Mind and Body; and so they all came rushing back in that one moment of realising the light in my Mind and World is not there anymore – and once again I was where I had been before: alone with me and everything that defined ‘me’ before I started the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for so long try and ‘hide’ from the things I reacted to negatively / emotionally, from the things that I was afraid to confront, from the things I believed I could not handle, from the things I did not understand, from the things I gave up on about myself and my life and from the things I refused to admit exists within me when it came to the relationship with me, my Mind and what goes on inside of me. Especially within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships and/or the fantasies thereof to hide from myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to understand myself, to understand the things I fear / react to inside myself, to take responsibility for the things I do not want to admit exists within me, to stand up from the things I gave up on within myself and my life and to find perspective, commonsense and clarity on the things I reacted to emotionally. To no more use / abuse my Mind and Body to suppress the darkness of me, to no more use / abuse Relationships as a place in this world to continue hiding from myself – but to make a stand within me, in my relationship to my own Mind – walk into the darkness and sort myself out with the tools of writing, self forgiveness and practical application, so that my relationship with myself, my body and so others in my world / reality can be / become more than just places I’ve used to hide within – but find/discover who I am if I walk through my own fears and learn what it means to create with the potential I have in relation to my Mind, Body and others in my world  /reality.

In the next post, I will continue with explaining the detail of how we’ve used suppression in the Mind and Body – why it is that everything we’ve suppressed in the Mind within/during a relationship comes rushing back the moment you realise the dependency is not in your world/reality anymore that you used to hold your suppressions in the Mind; and finally – how this influence our Minds and Physical Bodies. To within this, see / realise and understand the Potential we’re taking for granted in relation to the Mind and Body and our relationship with others, if we’d stop living in fear / hiding from our own Minds and start give ourselves the opportunity to start living and so creating ourselves and our relationship with others.