Eternal Darkness (Part 3): DAY 465

  

Another point opened up that’ll show why and how we’re in fact self-responsible for the reactions we create in our Minds:

Here I am referring to the example I used in the previous post regarding our tendency to blame others for our own reactions, such as anger – where we’d think to someone / say to someone “YOU made me angry”. Now, in ‘real-time’ (real-time, meaning while we’re having an argument /disagreement with someone) – it’s ‘easier’ to say “YOU made me angry” / “it’s YOUR fault I’m in this/that mood”, because the person is right in front of us and our focus is on the person / the conversation; little attention is paid to what we’re in fact doing in our Minds that is actually creating the reaction of anger / the mood we’re experiencing.

However - when we’re alone with ourselves, our own Minds, in the evening before going to sleep – we’d often think about the day / recall memories. In the process of thinking about and recalling memories of events/interactions with other people and there was an instance where we had an emotional reaction towards another: we’d still continue blaming the other! But, isn’t this quite strange? Because, we’re alone, with ourselves – in our own Mind and Body, the person is not in our immediate environment – is nowhere to be found and yet when referencing the memory of the event/conversation with the person: we still access the reaction / the anger for example. So now explain to me – lol: how on earth can the person be ‘making you angry’ still if they’re not there??? The anger is still experienced when referencing the memory, so now: who creates the anger? Where is the anger coming from? If one is still able to experience the reaction of anger within oneself when you’re alone – despite the person not being in your environment, not saying anything / doing anything: this then comes to show that we ourselves create / activate the emotions, such as anger for example – that we experience in the Mind and Body. Because, when you’re around the person or when you’re alone with yourself – one thing remains constant: that is the emotional reaction, such as anger in this example, that one is experiencing within oneself. If/as the emotional reaction, such as anger – COMPLETELY went away when you were not physically around the person, even when looking at the Memory of the event and there is NO REACTION or movement or change within oneself AT ALL: then, yes – we could say that the person was the cause. But, each one self-honestly can assess for themselves, that: when they had a reaction towards another in ‘real time’ and they’d think about / remember the memory of the interaction/conversation/event: the reaction / experience remains.

So, many here can have a look at the example and say that one is accessing the MEMORY of what happened and in the MEMORY is existent the reaction that the other person created within oneself – so the memory is containing the reaction, one is not making oneself angry…Really? Now, this time – what is blamed for the reaction is the MEMORY…it’s interesting how far we’d go to abdicate responsibility, to understand how we ourselves create reactions in our own Minds / Bodies.

So, if the reaction was then contained in the memory – then, the reaction should be localized to the memory only. Meaning: we look at memories in the head / brain region – so, if the memory of the event came up and the emotion was caught-up in the Memory, then we should only be experiencing/feeling the anger in the head/brain region where the memory is being looked-at. But, when accessing Memories – especially ones where we reacted, in for example anger: our whole body responds and we can feel the energy moving in the solar-plexus area. Here, we are in fact – in our bodies, through the mind and memory: recreating the emotional reaction of/as anger for example.

What I’d like to show in this example is why/how it is so effective to utilize the moment before going to sleep to assist/support oneself within one’s process by reflecting on the day / looking at memories. Here, one can self honestly assess one’s responsibility within creating emotional / feeling reactions and accordingly take responsibility for one’s own thoughts and reactions. In the next post – I’ll continue with explaining how exactly we create, for example anger, in the ‘real time’ moment we’re interacting with the person/event and also when we’re referencing a memory. Within this - also show you how you can change the reactions, where you can decide not to react, which is also proof that we ourselves create the reactions we experience, because: if we can stop and change reactions – it means we started them in the first place. No one else can stop reactions within your Mind: only self can.

Eternal Darkness (Part 2): DAY 464

What I’d like to show here is: when one is alone with oneself – one really gain perspective of how much of the stuff we participate in and experience within the Mind: we do to ourselves, we’re solely responsible for. Realising this, makes it a lot easier to take responsibility for what we accept and allow in our thoughts and emotions; and how we can assist/support ourselves and our relationship with others with stopping blaming everything/everyone else for who we are in our Minds, but in fact change ourselves and direct our own thoughts/emotions.

The moment I explained to Adam how I ‘float’ within this centre-point within the Atom within absolute silence / eternal darkness – this also reminded me of when we’re in the process of going to sleep. We rest within darkness – when we close our eyes: it’s naturally dark, in the evening – it’s naturally dark. So, this also contributes to why it sometimes feels like our thoughts are so loud and our emotions so intense: we’re alone with only ourselves and we’re not exposed to external stimuli of other people and/or an array of sounds produced by the external physical environment that often distract us / preoccupy us from what we accept/allow/participate in within our own Minds.

I have found within my process, in the evenings – also because it’s generally more ‘quiet’, that our Minds would focus on sounds – cars, insects, animals, music, whatever sounds you are exposed to when/as you’re in the process of trying to rest/sleep in the evenings. I have found that my Mind would focus on and react to such sounds as an additional / continued distraction from myself, my own mind – because: as long as I continue thinking about / backchatting and reacting to the external sounds, I don’t have to face / confront me, my Mind. So, what I started doing is walking self-forgiveness for the reactions I was projecting towards the external sounds, until I was stable, here with me in/as breath and then I’d walk through my day within myself. This was initially quite challenging, because my Mind would have the tendency to want to “wander off” and think / imagine – but, the moment I find I’m wandering off with the Mind – instead of looking at memories and investigating them, I would bring my attention back to breathing and direct myself to look.

So, what would happen within this process is that the external sounds / the physical environment doesn’t become ‘emphasized’ as much within the Mind, because before – it’s like, all my Mind would focus on is the sounds and would produce many reactions within me, causing me to become restless and actually wake myself up more! However, with this change – where I’d focus my attention on the memories of the day, push myself to focus, be here, breathing: the external environment becomes ‘natural’ / ‘normal’, nothing more / less. I can still hear the sounds – but, there’s no reaction towards them within my Mind and this, fascinatingly enough, made it possible to simply ‘accept’ what’s here and so I could focus on the more important things: my process within me.

Obviously, within the Atom – lol, it’s all a lot easier, because it’s very quiet; with no external environmental sounds / noises; however even in the evenings, in the dark within oneself and without: one can walk this same process for self. The only step that needs to be taken is to release one’s Mind from the reactions of the external environment, until one can simply breathe and listen to the sounds and there’s no reaction/movement within one’s Mind/Body. Then, one starts with utilizing one’s memories constructively and have a look at any reactions / challenges one faced throughout the day / in relation with others and start walking self-forgiveness, establishing solutions for mistakes and/or things one see one could have done differently.

Overall, what this process also assisted/supported me with is self-discipline when looking at things within myself / observing memories and learning from them. Self-discipline, meaning: to not follow the thoughts / imaginations that so automatically come up in the Mind, but in fact will oneself to practically look at memories / events of the day, walk self-forgiveness, consider solutions / changes etc. – through consistent application in this regard, it flowed through into my day-to-day living application, with not having the tendency to so immediately/automatically follow thoughts / imaginations and the reactions they produce; but consider by decisions/actions in thought, word and deed.

So, to reconsider one’s relationship to the evenings before going to sleep – to not accept/allow the external environment’s sounds (that one cannot in fact change) to distract / preoccupy one from the opportunity of that which one in fact can change: one’s own process of investigation/introspection and expansion/growth/development through being able to direct one’s own Mind and learn from one’s memories / past experiences.

We’ll continue more in the next post