A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel (Part 2): DAY 498

  

In the next post I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost”, “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and many more, to assist and support with understanding how the relationship you develop with yourself through Self Forgiveness and doing it genuinely, within self honesty assists and supports with discovering parts of yourself only you can gift to yourself through the tool of Self ForGIFTness

Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost

In the beginning of my process, becoming aware of my Mind, the thoughts and emotions - it was like everything intensified, could become so overwhelming where it felt like I was underneath waves crashing down on me with no opportunity to come up and breathe for air, not knowing what’s up, down, left or right inside myself. It is initially a shock when you become aware of how much you think and the extent to which thoughts generate emotions / feelings inside yourself…but at the same time, with understanding that it only seems so intense / overwhelming because you were never AWARE of / never LOOKED at your own thoughts / emotions – so, now with directly looking at them, it’s like you start seeing your thoughts and emotions everywhere within you, all of the time…

Sometimes within this experience inside myself, especially when I would be THINKING too much about something / someone and not actually write it out to look at it more constructively…I would very easily get lost in my thoughts and emotions. Lost meaning, where – I ‘forget’ to forgive myself, ‘forget’ to write it out, ‘forget’ to take a moment to breathe. So ‘losing myself’ in this context means where I lose that part of myself, my awareness to stabilise myself inside, to ground myself, to quiet myself as I spiral myself, my awareness into my thoughts and emotions into the experience of crying it out, collapsing on the bed crying, bundling up into a ball crying…like making myself ‘fall’ inside myself and completely giving into my thoughts and emotions. Then, once I cried out all the emotions and released all the energy inside myself through crying…the energy veil would drop, I would breathe and then look at the situation, speak to someone, talk it out and come to realise everything was not ‘the end of the world’ or as bad as my thoughts / emotions made it out to be.

Then, I would look back and ask myself “why didn’t I just breathe, forgive and let go from the BEGINNING?!?!?” I in the end ‘found myself’ again, ‘came back to myself’ once the emotions settled…so, why put myself through all that, all the intense, overwhelming, whirlwind thoughts and emotions and crying / collapsing when I could prevent that by just from the get-go breathe, forgive and ground/stabilise myself? So, we can lose ourselves for MOMENTS in thoughts / emotions the longer we stay in them, but we’re never “lost” – a part of our awareness is always present throughout it all…I realised that I just didn’t make the decision, I just didn’t move myself the MOMENT the thoughts and emotions started escalating inside myself to stop for a moment, to breathe, to forgive and then write it out / speak it out within someone.

So, after a couple of times of ‘losing and finding’ myself in this way, I HAD ENOUGH!!! and applied the principle of prevention to – whenever the thoughts / emotions started building inside myself, MOVE MYSELF to stop, to breathe, to FORGIVE the emotions and so settle myself / my awareness within myself and instead DIRECT the points inside myself with writing / speaking about it. This ‘movement’ of myself is where I in a moment REMIND myself “if I don’t breathe and forgive NOW…this is going to escalate and I am going to put myself through unnecessary turmoil”. So, it’s either me with AWARENESS releasing the emotions BEFORE they go out of control and build up inside myself to the point of losing myself inside myself for a moment…or the emotions take over and release themselves eventually through crying / collapsing inside myself…both directions eventually leading to the same outcome: I return to myself. So, I much rather direct myself with awareness, with forgiveness in the beginning than accepting and allowing myself to put myself through unnecessary turmoil…

Granted, there were moments and still are where I face thoughts and intense emotions that take over in a moment, so fast that it caught me ‘off-guard’ inside myself, but even though this happened – because I have practised in my Awareness so much, I can stop, breathe and forgive while I am in overwhelming thoughts / emotions…so it never got to the point where I would ‘lose myself for a moment’…my Awareness would be here, intact within myself – even able to immediately stop, breathe, forgive and direct in overwhelming turmoil of thoughts and emotions.

This is how self forgiveness and the application thereof assisted and supported me to be stable and grounded inside myself, even though things may seem impossible / lost, because a trust develops within yourself where you know that no matter what you’re facing, you’ll guide yourself through it and understand it and be able to resolve it within yourself through having yourself, your ‘guide’ as Self Forgiveness. Most importantly, how my writing, speaking and application of Self Forgiveness made me realise that I can stand in such a way within myself where I am not a victim to my own thoughts and emotions, I don’t have to ‘lose’ myself inside myself – I can stand up and direct my own thoughts and emotions in such way where it does not compromise me, what I experience, what I say and do.

In the next post, I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and “Thank you for showing me what it means to know myself, to understand myself”…

Also expanding more on how – with ‘losing yourself in moments’, such moments are opportunities to LEARN about yourself, to UNDERSTAND yourself as the Mind and so opportunities to grow, develop and expand your awareness even more…

A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel

Here I would like to share my journey and experience of walking with Self Forgiveness. I have been applying and living Self Forgiveness for 10 years this year…a decade of self-change, a decade of challenges I have faced, am still facing and sure I will be facing in the future still; however Self Forgiveness and my application/living thereof has been the one constant, the one tool (along with the unconditional support and assistance of other people) that has been my guardian angel through the good and the bad. Without Self Forgiveness – writing, speaking and living it…I don’t know who and where I’d be today, so I owe much to being introduced to Self Forgiveness this life and I would like to share what Self Forgiveness has done for me, as I am sure it will do for each one incorporating this tool in themselves, their lives.

Obviously to understand here, it’s not Self Forgiveness in itself that ‘saved me’, meaning: it was the tool and ‘who I am’ with and as the tool in my application and living, my writing and speaking of Self Forgiveness that supported me to develop the following expressions, skills and parts of me as potentials within myself that I discovered, that emerged because of my relationship, application and living of Self Forgiveness.

If Self Forgiveness were a living being, this is what I would share:

“Thank you for strengthening me”

There were moments where I was confronted with emotional fears, anxieties and uncertainty – oftentimes making me feel as though “I can’t do this / that” / “I have never tried this/that – so therefore, it’s impossible” / “I’m not good enough for this / that”…essentially, walking Self Forgiveness in such moments, allowed me to break through barriers of limitations I accepted and allowed inside myself and discovered I am able to do things / get things done by transcending my own ideas / beliefs and emotional reactions about myself. Applying Self Forgiveness in such moments provided me initially with the strength to break through the impossible in my Mind into the possible within doing things / getting things done in reality – until eventually, this strength became natural within me and any moment an idea / belief / emotion of weakness / limitation / resistance would arise – I would move through it in a moment, assert myself and act.

So, the moment I forgave and released myself from the mental constructs and emotions…I came to discover a strength within myself that’s always been within me, but was suppressed by what I accepted and allowed in relation to certain thoughts and emotions.

“Thank you for making sure I don’t give up”

I have faced many moments in my process…and still sometimes do, where it felt like “I was not going anywhere” / “my process wasn’t mounting to anything” / “nothing was changing” / “the process seemed impossible”…I am sure many will be able to relate to such thoughts about various things in your life…where everything just looks and feels impossible. But, in these moments – with understanding how thoughts and emotions tend to cloud one’s commonsense and realistic / practical view of things, I would do Self Forgiveness, release myself from such thoughts and emotions, in this realising that: as long as I, inside myself, participate in such thoughts and emotions…I am CREATING it in my world, I am the one creating the impossible, creating the limitations / restrictions within myself because I keep on only looking through the eyes of emotions and impossibility…instead of focusing on creating SOLUTIONS to what I see…seeing through the eyes of SOLUTIONS.

So, the more I started applying Self Forgiveness in moments where I felt lost in the darkness of impossibility in my own Mind…I developed the skill of always, immediately, taking a breath when a problem comes my way and look at it in such a way inside myself where I immediately gear myself to look for / create a solution instead of falling into reactions / emotions in relation to the problem / challenge…

Therefore, the point of ‘giving up’ ceased to exist within me – it does ‘try’ and come up within me every once in a while, like the snake in the garden of Eden attempting to lure me into giving up…yet, with developing strength within myself to stand in the face of emotion within myself, I simply breathe and move myself to find / create solutions rather than giving into the idea / emotion of giving up in my Mind.

“Thank you for showing me there’s always a way out”

I have oftentimes faced the experience of “there’s no way out” / “there is no end” when it comes to facing problems / challenges…where it felt like I was spiralling within emotions inside myself and it looked like “everything is wrong” / “nothing is working”…I have found that I created this by trying to look at problems / challenges in my Mind WHILE I was in emotional reactions…not a good idea I came to realise!!! Because the moment you look at a problem / challenge in your own Mind, together with EMOTION…the more you THINK about the problem IN EMOTION…the worse it gets until it literally envelops you / your mind to such an extent, that you lose yourself in it and the moment you ‘lose yourself’ within it all…this is the moment that you create the illusion in the Mind of ‘there being no way out / no solution’.

So, when I finally realised that THINKING about problems WHILE IN EMOTION was only adding fuel to the fire within myself, I would start WRITING and mapping out problems for myself. While I would write the problem / map the problem to be able to LOOK at it with clarity, with perspective and I find that I was becoming emotional at any point: I would stop for a moment, breathe, forgive the emotion and then continue writing out / mapping the problem. Within this process, this allowed me to really GROUND MYSELF within, to stabilise myself and realise I was making the problem more than me inside my Mind. Meaning, I accepted and allowed the problem in itself to overpower my ability to create solutions, to come up with solutions, to direct problems / solve them for example. So, it’s an interesting realisation this – the moment you release the emotions and your stability, groundedness and clarity comes through to be able to tackle problems / challenges practically with confidence and certainty. Therefore, within this particular context – I came to realise that it only seemed like there was “never a way out / through a problem / challenge” because I was lost in the problem itself in the Mind and so I could not come out / come through to create a solution or ask for support / assistance from others!

In the next post I will continue with Thank you for supporting me to realise I’m not lost, Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty and many more, to assist and support with understanding how the relationship you develop with yourself through Self Forgiveness and doing it genuinely, within self honesty assists and supports with discovering parts of yourself only you can gift to yourself through the tool of Self ForGIFTnes...

We’ve got the past, present and future – also ‘The Now’, but what about HERE? Part 3 

DAY 427

From here, we can look at how we Spiritualize our own Minds. Again, seeing oneself standing in front of the Mirror, in and as the Mirror-itself seeing one’s Mind and everything one think/feel/see within/throughout one’s day/life. What we do when we Spiritualize our own Minds is - when standing in front of the Mirror, with the Mirror as our Minds externalized for purposes of this analogy to see/realise/understand what we do in relation to our own Minds/ourselves as ourselves: we would “emphasize, for example only the good/positive things” we see in the mirror. I’m sure many have for example see in movies/series where the person will stand in front of a lot of numbers and then they “identify a secret code” through seeing very specific numbers “popping up / standing out” and how it all comes together to form an equation / a specific numerical order. Well, we do exactly the same with the ‘Spiritual approach’ to our own Minds – it’s like we see it as series of numbers/platforms of numbers and we have to identify the positive/good secret/equation. So, what we do is - take memories/energy/words for example and only emphasize / ‘sift out of it’ what we WANT to experience as ONLY the good/positive/light and the rest is ‘shadowed out’.

So, returning to the Mirror analogy – what we do is, for example, seeing a memory in the mirror – then ‘highlighting in the memory’ only the good/positive/light and the rest of the memory is simply ‘shadowed out’ with like a black-marker pen, so the illusion is created that ONLY the ‘good/positive/light/love’ exist. It’s fascinating within this how such individuals can possess themselves with such a split in their own Minds/Consciousness with the belief that “because I focus on the good/positive/light/love – the opposite doesn’t exist AT ALL within me”; but it’s all in fact just suppressed into the mind and the body. Then this delusion goes so far as when/as they react in the negative/bad – it’s apparently “everyone else BUT themselves”, because they don’t realise that they themselves, are in fact responsible for their OWN REACTIONS in their mind and body – they just can’t see WHY or WHERE their own reactions comes from, because it was all ‘blacked out and suppressed’ into the depths of the mind and the physical body.

Within this, to consider is that: “one wasn’t born Spiritual” – this is a process that is programmed in through words and feelings, repeated in the mind as thoughts and imaginations until the being believes that “I am Love / I am Light”…when the mechanics of Consciousness is not understood within this regard when it comes to words and energy, emotions and feelings as the negative and positive and how this is used to create thoughts/imaginations and internal conversations to construct/program Personalities in Consciousness/the Mind only that has no relationship to/as Reality/the Physical – but actually using physicality/physical substance to produce emotional/feeling energy, thought, imaginations to create Personalities in the Mind/Consciousness. Thus, here again – returning to the Mirror-analogy: one can resource only SO MUCH positive/good/light and love energy/thoughts/imaginations from one’s own Mind/one’s own Past, but not enough to create an entire Personality from. Therefore, one have to become ‘creative’ and so what is done on the Mirror as is done in the Mind is additional colours is added, additional post-its with words are plastered onto the mirror, glitter is strewn all over the mirror; like a child covering up all the bad/negative/reactive things in the mind with beautiful things that is inserted/programmed in the mind such as the positive/good/light/love words/energies. And then it’s focused on absolutely, over an extended period of time to the point where the ‘Spiritual Personality’ that is created takes over to such an extent that the rest of the Personalities/content in the Mind is so suppressed, the being makes themselves believe that it doesn’t exist anymore and/or that it’s all ‘other people’s fault’ when the negative/bad is experienced in their Minds and Bodies.

Again here, the Spiritual-approach to our Minds is more evolved within the past-present-future equation (in the present, creating the future from the past). More evolved meaning: In the present, the past is taken from within/as the Mind and from it is only accessed/taken the ‘good/light/love/positive’ things and the rest suppressed deeper into the mind and the body to so attempt/try to create a future that is only of the ‘positive/light/love’-nature. ADDITIONALLY, within the present – MORE information/words/energy is programmed into the Mind/Consciousness to contribute to this idealized/imagined future. What are the consequences of this when it comes to “the here” and also our responsibility to the rest of humanity/this physical existence as a whole? We’ll continue with this in the next post.