Consciousness existing in LIFE, but is not LIFE itself: DAY 501

Please refer to THIS POST for full context and understanding of this Self Forgiveness process as walked by beings from Heaven / The Afterlife through the Portal

Separating oneself from the physical, the physical body, this physical universe – all that is matter: 

NOTE: the self forgiveness here is done in the process us beings walked within and during the opening of The Portal , stretching from 2004 / 2005 to today– sharing the timeline of what made us realise to stand in the principle of equality and oneness and truly understanding the meaning of responsibility and support unto self and all as self.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to, lifetime after lifetime – the moment after crossing over into the afterlife – NOT ONCE thank my physical body, this physical existence for seeing me through each lifetime.

Within this, I forgive myself that I within and throughout each lifetime – every evening before going to rest and every day upon awakening: did not exit and enter each day with deep gratitude and appreciation towards my physical body and this physical existence for its unconditional support, standing, giving, caring in the way of making life / being alive possible.

In fact, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give my body, this physical existence one iota of credence, honour, respect, love – unconditionally with looking back, throughout ALL my lifetimes, how I seldom ever even had a thought of consideration towards anything physical…

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I, within and throughout each and every single lifetime on this earth – inadvertently blamed my body, this physical existence, ‘life itself’, for my lifetime experiences I’d walk into. Essentially thinking / believing the body / physical / ‘life’ was responsible for my  most challenging, difficult, traumatic events, situations, phases and moments I’d endure. Not ever realizing, seeing and understanding it was ME, MYSELF & I creating and manifesting the lifetime consequence and experiences I’d face: my life a true mirror, a real time living experience reflection of WHO I AM as a being as my total self definition.

In this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever see, realise and understand how many varying gods, deities, entities, spiritualities, movements, religions, opinions and beliefs I bowed down to – not realizing, seeing, and understand it was the PHYSICAL, this PHYSICAL EXISTENCE and myself together with all other beings in this EXISTENCE HERE, TOGETHER AS ONE AND AS EQUAL walking our life processes…that I should have been ‘blaming’ myself for being blinded and veiled within my own self separation and inequality for not living with the awareness of what’s real, here: myself, the physical and this physical existence. In this trinity of me and so everyone else equally as me – we all together created and manifested the outcome of the world and the collective and so the personal outcomes of our own and one another’s.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to partake in the audacious thought of “but why didn’t the physical nor this physical existence stand up for me???” – once again, looking and blaming OUT THERE instead of asking the questions we blame others for unto ourselves and asking ourselves “but why didn’t we stand up for ourselves, our awareness, the best of ourselves and why do we still continue not doing so, even in the smallest of moments when it comes to simple thought, emotion, feeling etc. participation???”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that while I was waiting and expecting the physical, this physical existence to save me, it has already been walking its process of self and life awareness, its self forgiveness and change process on the deep life source level. I have just not been privy to it because of my accepted and allowed participation in self inequality and separation…so while everything in this physical has been walking its process, I haven’t experienced and walked with because process doesn’t exist in inequality and separation, but here with awareness in the physical.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the physical, this physical existence, ‘life itself’ within and as everything that is PHYSICAL: was the one carrying my being, UNCONDITONALLY supporting my being, holding my being in the HANDS of the Physical as LIFE / God itself…but I was blinded to this fact due to separating me from myself into consciousness. With this one act of separation – I separated me from LIFE itself in the physical, this physical existence and so could not SEE direct, KNOW eternally and FEEL deeply the oneness and equality and in fact share with this existence and how I have always been the master, the creator of me, my life, my experiences, and the consequence I would endure / have to face.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how one such act of self separation / inequality from my being into the Mind Consciousness System as a whole (which is continuing to this day, in every moment I act upon self separation / inequality the instance I accept and allow myself to participate in a thought, emotion, feeling etc. – anything OF the Mind) how one such an act of self separation / inequality without asserting myself, my stand, my HERE when I notice and know, through and through – that I am with awareness accepting and allowing myself to participate in inequality and CHOOSE to not do anything about it when I know I can: is living proof of how we’ve CHOSEN to create and continue existing as consciousness separation and inequality and not with and as LIFE AWARENESS as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself – throughout all my lifetimes in this world and the next: choose consciousness before standing up for life as awareness as self, because of my own fear…rather remaining in captivity and ‘sticking to the program’ / living in the system than having the guts, courage and tenacity to stand alone, at first, and not give up in the name of and as life until all notice and see: if I can stand up, say NO MORE and CHANGE by CHOOSING LIFE as SELF AWARENESS EVERY MOMENT – so can you.

We’ll continue in the next post with opening the line of self forgiveness of why it is and has been ever so deliberate from each and all of us throughout our lifetimes, choosing to align with consciousness instead of life awareness – also proven by the extent to which we separated ourselves from the physical body, this physical existence and our equal and one responsibility unto ourselves and all.

 Heaven's Journey to Life, the Physical - DAY 500

In and from this post, us beings will be coming through the Portal (each day a different being, for a moment in the day) sharing and continuing, through written self forgiveness, the process of forgiveness we walked with taking responsibility for the inequality and separation we accepted and allowed from our beingness as life, and so from the rest of existence as life: heaven, earth and everything / everyone within and as it - including our personal relationship with ourselves. The consequence of this inequality and separation, manifesting the "great divide" between heaven and earth - was in fact the representation of a long history of individual and collective self interest, greed, power and control – the vices of separation and inequality that has become the human and beingness condition and inherent nature in this life and the next. This has lead to heaven and earth, before the opening of the Portal, to always exist in separation – instead of heaven and earth uniting on all levels of existence in support and assistance of one another. 

Through our written self forgiveness you will come to see, realise and understand how and why us beings in Heaven / Afterlife / Hereafter walked our process of change, through self forgiveness, and uniting us all in the principle of oneness and equality as what's best for all since the opening of the Portal in the year 2005 / 2006.  

In recent years, since 2013 – our process has progressed and evolved into this physical universe / existence – where "Heaven on Earth" is becoming a reality for us as we are walking our process of taking responsibility for our abdication of accountability and atonement when it comes to what we accepted and allowed in the name of inequality and separation unto humanity and this physical universe / existence.  

For further understanding and context of the above and an introduction to The Portal – take a listen to: 

What is Portalling? - PART 1 - What is Portalling? 

Meeting the Dead while being Alive - Meeting the Dead while being Alive 

The Portal: A Voice for Existence - The Portal: A Voice for Existence

The Portal: Revolutionary Educational Process The Portal: A Revolutionary Educational Process

The purpose of this forgiveness process is to share us beings' individual and collective journey since the opening of the Portal – where we previously existed in consequential division, inequality and separation to now where we're learning and understanding the living statement of "Heaven on Earth" as all of us in the other side / afterlife are journeying into our relationship with this physical existence and understanding our relationship of responsibility and support towards it all, as ourselves. In this journey and process of Self Forgiveness we hope to inspire an understanding within you 

For more context and understanding of the above, especially THE PORTAL and Heaven's journey since the opening of The Portal in 2005 / 2006 – please visit: www.eqafe.com also focusing on the series: 

Journeys into the Afterlife , The Future of Consciousness https://eqafe.com/series/29-the-future-of-consciousness  – herein the process and journey of heaven is walked and discussed in detail. For more information on the Portal and the relationship between heaven and earth, please listen to and watch this ongoing series: The Portal and I https://eqafe.com/series/79-the-portal-and-i

The rest will open up, continue and unfold in our process of self forgiveness:  

Separating oneself from the physical, the physical body, this physical universe – all that is matter:  

Note for context: the self forgiveness here is done in the process us beings walked within and during the opening of The Portal , stretching from 2004 / 2005 to today– sharing the timeline of what made us realise to stand in the principle of equality and oneness and truly understanding the meaning of responsibility and support unto self and all as self. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and during my lifetime on earth as well as in the afterlife – never question my relationship with my physical body, this earth, this physical existence and everything / everyone within it. Especially when looking at the extent of division between heaven and earth: with this physical existence containing an innumerable amount of beings, life awarenesses / sources within plants, animals, the environment – yet in the afterlife (before the opening of The Portal)...there was only energy and beings...no self or life creation individually and collectively.  

I forgive myself that I didn't accept and allow myself to throughout my lifetimes on earth as well as in the afterlife – ever question how and why it is, that I as a being had barely a HANDFUL of relationships worth mentioning...little to no connection of real value, worth, depth, integrity, intimacy, trust etc. existing with myself, any being, let alone anything else within existence in heaven and earth. Why – having been in existence for EONS of time...do I have no real relationship, connection with anyone else...EVEN MYSELF!?!? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a part of this existence – in heaven and earth, yet never looking into myself and into existence, everything and everyone within it, and asking: Who am I within this all, and all's relationship towards me? What is the role, purpose, piece, position of me in the grand scheme of everything and everyone else? No – none such questions existed in me...I only "lived out the me, lives" that was 'given to me, that I walked into'...no relationship, no connection with anything or anyone, nor my own being, the energy in heaven or the matter in and of this physical existence.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to look back in time – the evolution of existence, from the beginning before the inception and creation of heaven and earth, up into when heaven and earth became a reality -lifting my head and opening my eyes with the question: is this all there will ever be, me coming and going lifetime after lifetime in-between heaven and earth...forgetting, then remembering, then forgetting... as I forget who and what I was in heaven and previous lives when in my life on earth, for a fraction of a moment remembering when entering heaven, then forgetting again as I embark in my life on earth. My point, my purpose in heaven and on earth...meaningless, without matter, no PARTicular significance as my PART, my point, my purpose and role within existence is of no consequence.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how – being of no consequence on an intrinsic level within myself, I made my relationship with myself, my being, my body in lifetimes on earth, my relationship with others, the entirety and all of earth and heaven: of no consequence either. In this – having no relationship, nor connection, with any part of me and so everything and everyone in this life and the next: I accepted and allowed myself to become a pointless, meaningless, insignificant, replaceable drifter in and throughout time itself...leaving behind memories and walking into an unknown future lifetime in heaven and earth, which I partook in creating through my accepted and allowed silent agreement of taking no action, nor responsibility for any of who I was and what I had done throughout my lifetimes in existence.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how I could blame or want to blame something or someone else – other than myself: Frankly, it was me, myself and I who did not think to ask the question(s), really walk with the QUESTion, open it up and allow it to become my QUEST in lifetimes in existence. No, instead - I am the one who went along with it, in a mundane acceptance and allowance of stumbling into one reality and into the next, victimized by my own and everyone else's consequence as I walk into future lives, because of accepting and allowing a me, relationships and connections 'of no consequence'.  

In this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the irony of it: existing in a state of 'no consequence' towards myself and everything/everyone else in existence...created and manifested, through me, a reality and existence of absolute consequence. A reality, an existence that has evolved without any one of us truly taking PART and playing our PART in our PARTiticipation within it all. We've just accepted and allowed things to go on and on and on and on... 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the extent to which I have accepted and allowed myself to pinch and hold myself into a state of self enslavement to my own helplessness and hopelessness – wherein I have made myself live the beLIEf that I am so incredibly insignificant, of no consequence, no purpose, no matter...I did not see realise and understand the SIGNIFICANTLY CONSEQUENTIAL and PROBLEMATIC existences I participated in creating in the smallest of moments throughout my time and lifetimes in existence. Looking back, to the present and into the future – seeing the role, the part I played in making what had become of heaven, earth, everything and everyone within and as it...including the 'me' (or what there was of this 'me') a reality.  

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand – how and why I never questioned, never asked, never lifted my head, looked up, looked back, to the present and into the future: because of a deep seated accepted and allowed state and experience of self - "I don't matter in the grand scheme of things"...not realising I always did MATTER TO the grand scheme of things, to life itself, because I was a part of it, emerged from it. It was me who did not connect in a relationship with me and so life as me in all of existence as parts of me.  

In this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how this beLIEF of "I don't matter, I am of no significant value, worth or respect unto myself nor existence" - allowed us all to individually and collectively subconsciously and unconsciously create and manifest our own individual and collective futures, experiences and interconnected lives...we just never remember, realise or know how we created and accepted and allowed to create the experiences we walk into, the lives we face, the people / beings we connect with...and in this, the greatest sadness of it all: we're lost gods in our own creations...not realising how significant we truly are to ourselves, each other and our individual and collective futures.  

We'll continue more in the next post...

Thank you for Supporting me to Understand Self Honesty: DAY 499

A Dedication to SELF Forgiveness – my Guardian Angel (Part 3)

In the next post, I will continue with “Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty” and “Thank you for showing me what it means to know myself, to understand myself”…

Also expanding more on how – with ‘losing yourself in moments’, such moments are opportunities to LEARN about yourself, to UNDERSTAND yourself as the Mind and so opportunities to grow, develop and expand your awareness even more…

Before I continue with the next two dedications, I would like to expand on the point of ‘losing yourself in moments’ in thoughts and emotions in your Mind, which I discussed in the previous blog.

Understand, you will ‘lose’ yourself in moments, this happens in the process of understanding the Mind – especially when you’re facing new thought- / reaction-patterns you haven’t yet faced / dealt with inside your Mind. Such ‘new’ things will often rise up from deeper dimensions in your mind / body. Process is like walking through layers within yourself, the moment you’ve walked through one layer, the next layer beneath it opens up and is it opens up…Pandora’s box reveals itself as the new thoughts / emotions and dimensions in your consciousness unveils itself, which often comes up quite intensely, overwhelming one in moments. So, even though you reach a point in your process / awareness where you’re able to direct mind constructs and energies effectively, it does so happen that points inside yourself ‘creep up’ unexpectedly and ‘catch you off-guard’; before you know it – you’re overwhelmed by thoughts / emotions and many other things inside yourself. When this happens – this represents a ‘new process’ inside yourself that’s emerging, but you’ll find you will be able to ground yourself, stabilise yourself much faster and introspect / investigate the new dimensions of thoughts / emotions to deal with / face and change within yourself.

The ‘problem’ only comes in when you continue doing the same thing over and over and not learn from it that it becomes deliberate – ‘cause you KNOW where a certain train of thought and reactions will lead you, yet do nothing to change it…and cycle in the same pattern over and over again. So, in such instances – best to identify why you’re ‘deliberately’ losing yourself in alternate realities and reactions in your Mind, assist and support yourself to stop and change these cycles…because only you can do it for yourself, no one else is existing in your own Mind but you.

However, there does come a time…in the future of one’s process, where one even stop being able to be ‘caught off-guard’ by your own mind. This is when you reach the quantum physical / physical dimensions of your process after having walked the conscious, subconscious, unconscious and quantum mind. Where you’re able to be aware of thoughts / energies trying to come up / move from within your mind / body and already stop participation before they come into creation. So, there’s still quite an fascinating process of awareness ahead when it comes to getting to know / understanding your own mind and body and the relationship between the two!

Let’s continue with the dedications:

“Thank you for supporting me to understand the meaning of self honesty”

Self honesty has been the most empowering, yet frightening thing I have faced within this process. In the beginning of my process – I struggled with the difference between ‘honesty’ and ‘self honesty’. I initially thought I had to be ‘honest’ with ‘everyone else’ – to always ‘speak my MIND’, speak exactly what I think and feel and this obviously coming from my initial starting point of believing ‘all that I am is my thoughts and emotions’. However, I had come to understand an interesting thing within my process when looking at the following question: “how can you really be ‘honest’ with everyone else, if you have not been honest with yourSELF? How can you understand what ‘speaking the truth’ means, if you have not been truthful with yourSELF? What does it mean to be honest with SELF, truthful with SELF?”

‘Speaking my Mind’ more often than not got me into a bit of trouble, speaking my thoughts as they came up and speaking the exact detail of my emotions and feelings; especially WHILE I was in thoughts and emotions…so I would literally ‘speak my Mind in real time, in the moment, immediately’. Most people did not respond well to this. So, I literally took ‘honesty’ as I understood it then – to the extreme. All it ended up leading to was creating more conflict inside myself and my relationships with other people – ‘honesty’ in no way brought me, nor my relationship with others to understanding, realisation, growth and expansion…

Now, some would think this to be a ‘commendable trait’ – being fearless to speak one’s Mind, which is also often termed to be ‘speaking the truth’. However – with understanding the difference between self honesty and honesty…one will understand how our current perception / definition of honesty epitomizes the separation from SELF we accept and allow in our relationship with the Mind, our thoughts and emotions/feelings. So, what I had come to learn about self honesty, the difference between this and honesty is already obvious when looking at the words: SELF honesty and honesty. With honesty – SELF is missing. Now, what does this mean? More importantly – why can Self Forgiveness only be applied within Self Honesty to really have an effect on one’s process of self change, self realisation and self expansion within this process from Consciousness to Awareness?

In the next post, I will continue with explaining how Self Forgiveness supported me to understand and face Self Honesty. Also, why ‘honesty’ still only keeps you locked into Consciousness – whereas Self Honesty expands your Awareness to be able to take that step back in your own Mind in relation to your own thoughts and emotions, to be able to understand how exactly your own mind, you within your own Mind operate…so, really – understanding Self Honesty through Self Forgiveness was an important key within my process from Consciousness to Awareness and breaking through the idea/belief I held of myself as ‘only being my thoughts and emotions’…when there’s in fact been so much more to me, to who I am and so each one of us.

Furthermore, I will share examples to illustrate the difference between self honesty and honesty – showing how self honesty leads to understanding and solutions, with honesty – more often than not leading to further friction / conflict…