Suicide Paranoia – 4: The Creation Process of Suicide Paranoia (Energy Dimension Part 2) DAY 390

Suicide Paranoia – 4: The Creation Process of Suicide Paranoia (Energy Dimension Part 2) DAY 390

So, from childhood – the first construct of Consciousness is emotional/feeling energy. We are as children firstly exposed to emotional/feeling reactions/experiences through which we in our Minds create relationships to our external world/reality, and then as our vocabulary / imagery develop – our Imagination and so our Thoughts develop/evolve. The Detail of this Process how we are introduced to our Mind-Being-Physical Trinity relationship through emotions/feelings as infants – is explained in detail in the Parenting Interview Series.

So, ALL of what one had experienced, energetically, as emotions/feelings as a Child: one cannot remember, yet – those first seven years of your life, is what determined/defined your emotional/feeling bodies of Consciousness, such as WHY you react in specific emotions/feelings in moment, the INTENSITY of the emotion/feeling, what triggers the emotion/feeling and then also of course your very Thoughts, their content, Imagination – everything that seems so ‘natural/normal’ now, was in fact PROGRAMMED by you in those first seven years of your life. And ALL of that – ALL the reactions that you experienced, that now evolved into thoughts/imaginations for example, the origin of that is still existent within you, but suppressed into and as the Unconscious/Quantum Mind of your Mind. You now only live-out the memories of all the reactions/relationships/definitions you have given to all the emotional/feelings energies you experienced that now come to manifest in the form of Thoughts and Imagination, for example.

So, for example – one as a child was exposed to bullying, you know, even that stage where child hit each other, for example, and/or you were just exposed to loud noises you couldn’t understand, or seeing your parents in vocal/behavioural arguments, and/or being hit – with NO comprehension/understanding of it all, you inverted/suppressed such reactions, within the primary experience “Why me?” / “Did I do something wrong” / “Is something wrong with me” / “What did I do” / “Why is this happening to me”. Now, obviously, as a child, you cannot word this or define this and so it becomes an energetic-reactive memory in your Consciousness. Now you grow up and there’s this lingering feeling ALL the time within you, and you can’t quite pinpoint it or define it, it’s just ‘there all of the time’. It feels like a deep-abyss, a depth within you that you’re in, yet you fear at the same time, it’s like, the energy when you’re in it and you experience it feels like this emptiness, this nothingness that’s there and it feels like it literally just sucks everything from your mind/your self into it. Your mind feels heavy, you feel heavy, and soon as that energy takes over, it’s like you can see nothing anymore in anything, or anyone – everything and everyone is just empty, like you don’t even have the energy anymore to WANT to look at anything/anyone, DO anything, don’t want to think, to breathe. Obviously, such an energy evolve into Suicidal tendencies and what can drive one into and as suicidal tendencies as well, as FEAR – when you are confronted with challenges in your world/reality and you have NO IDEA how to deal with it, handle it, confront it, change, find a solution and so that FEAR becomes the deep-abyss as explained above and one just decide to ‘end it all’. Sound familiar doesn’t it? Where, as children – we have NO IDEA how to handle this world, life, people, sounds, words, behaviours and so we SUPPRESS it all. BUT, what is not seen, realised and understood is that: as you age – EVERYTHING you experience/manifest/participate in within your Mind/Consciousness STAYS IN THE MIND and STORES ITSELF IN THE BODY. Thus, the more energy/suppression you go through from childhood into teenager/adulthood years, the less ‘space’ is available in your mind-body relationship for all that energy to be stored and eventually becomes SO MUCH, it just takes over the Mind/Self.

So, primarily to be understood here is that – the ENERGY that initiated the Suicidal experience, thoughts and imagination, is an accumulation process of where you in yourself/the mind just don’t know how to handle things in this world/reality and/or consequence you create for yourself – and then you initially go into suppression of such reactions to things/people/consequence in your environment, to the point where the suppression becomes too much and the energy start overwhelming the Mind/Self and before one know it: it seems like there’s ‘no way out’ – but ‘out’. When, individuals do not see, realise and understand that: what is making you FEEL this way is ENERGY, it’s in the Mind/Consciousness. You as a beingness/awareness is only OBSERVING this all and EXPERIENCING this all, and the Mind and Energy can take over to such an extent that you believe your own energy/thoughts as Paranoia – because it creates the Paranoia of the fact that, because you EXPERIENCE the ENERGY in the MIND, that EVERYTHING ELSE in reality “looks/feels the same” – when it is in fact NOT. The question that has to be considered is that: you have earlier in your life, lived, experienced, laughed and enjoyed and now suddenly there’s this idea that ‘the world is against you, life is not worth it, there is no reason to continue’ etc. – what you must REALISE is that this is a Energy Possession in your mind that is making you SEE yourself and life this way, a Paranoia of Energy/Thought you created/programmed in your Mind, simply because of not understanding how emotions/feelings, thoughts and imagination work and the extent to which we can create a Paranoia, a ParaNOISE a complete alternate paranormal reality in the Mind that can make us lose touch with reality to such an extent, that we can’t even remember anymore who we are, how we are and/or can’t even remember how we saw life/living/ourselves before.

In the next post we will explain how the energy evolves into thoughts and imagination, and how we then enter into a vicious cycle in our own Minds, here the energy creates itself into thoughts/imagination and then we participate in the energy, thoughts and imagination – empowering/substantiating the energy/reaction/experience even more and so give life to something in our Mind / Consciousness that take us farther from/of REAL LIFE/LIVING, that is who we are in and as every moment of Breath.

We'll continue more in the next post